Who am I - A Lesbian?

[dolly]

i feel like girl all the time but i am only attracted to girls.

am i a lesbian? is it common? how do i develop relationship with girls as a girl?

please help.

[Alan]

Sexual orientation and gender identity are two different areas of the brain -- they think. There are a lot of theories going around exactly what is going on in the brain and how it happens, but most modern thinkers agree that it is biological. The theory I buy into is the hormone-bath theory: the idea that in the womb, around six weeks after conception, the brain gets the appropriate hormone bath. The brain -- in fact, the entire body -- is a female base and gets modified to male if the DNA is XY. Men get testosterone to turn the brain male. If you get insufficient amounts, strange things happen. Like transsexuality or homosexuality. It doesn't explain everything, but that doesn't really matter.

In any case, it's perfectly possible for you to be both a girl and attracted to them. It's *not* terribly common, but think about the numbers. Being a lesbian isn't very common. Being a transsexual is even less common. Being both is extremely uncommon.

If it helps, I'm an FTM -- I consider myself male and only male and hate my female body -- and I am a 4 on the Kinsey scale -- predominately homosexual with intermittent heterosexuality. I am attracted to both, just prefer men to women.

I'm sure there are others lurking about. Maybe they'll come out of the woodwork :D

About dating girls -- I have *never* figured this out, which sucks, 'cause I sometimes am attracted to them and have not a clue what to do. But I hear everyone is different and likes different things.

[Jolene]

i feel like girl all the time but i am only attracted to girls.

am i a lesbian? is it common? how do i develop relationship with girls as a girl?

please help.

I feel much the same as you. Not sure what to think about all of it.

[Empress Lainie]

I never liked guys all my life, so now that I am a woman I am a lesbian. Trouble is GG's may not be so willing to take on a tranny. So my companion is another tranny.


Since I am not looking for anyone else, I just have fun flirting with the guys who hit on me (usually in their 20's and 30's, and dancing with both men and women and several couple who both dance with me.

I Know of one GG at the dance place that is actually jealous of me,

[dolly]

thank you alan for your thoughtful explanation. is it your own theory? are there any formal studies about it?

hi jolene,
thanks. how are you connecting with girls?

thanks for sharing your experience, lainie.

thank you alan for your thoughtful explanation. is it your own theory? are there any formal studies about it?

[Alan]

thank you alan for your thoughtful explanation. is it your own theory? are there any formal studies about it?

It's not my own theory. Idk about formal studies, but I read it in some psychologist's book. I just forget which one.

[CindyT]

I have much the same feelings! When you find an answer, Please let me know!
CindyT

[dolly]

will do Cindy.

[sterling12]

Yes, gender and sexuality are two different things.

Your gender tells you that your brain is female, and so is your personality at least part or all of the time. Your bod may be male but not your psyche.

So with that criteria, if you like Females, your a lesbian! Works the same way for our opposite numbers, if your like Capt. Lex and you liked women, you would be heterosexual. About a week ago, he corrected me about lumping transmen in with lesbians, it's possible, but it ain't necessarily so!

So the next time you see one of our sister's out in a bar picking up guys and you want to shake your finger and say, "That's a no-no." Your dead wrong, she's just being a card-carrying heterosexual; acceptable for membership in most any Church or PTA Group....I think!

Confusing, ain't it!

Peace and Love, Joanie

[Empress Lainie]

[SIZE=4][SIZE=1][SIZE=4]http://www.docbushong.com/pubs/what_is_gender.asp
[/SIZE][SIZE=4]http://www.gires.org.uk/Text_Assets/ATypical_Gender_Development.

The above sites and treatise by Dr. Bushong is very helpful in understanding your gender and sexual preference two differenty things, not related in any way.

When I first read it I thought: "He could be writing about me."

And you are right Joanie. I can see myself becoming bi someday, but right now I am just a lezzie that likes to flirt with men.
[/SIZE][/SIZE][/SIZE]

[Laura_Stephens]

I very much identify as a lesbian. My wife is very straight so I don't have an opportunity to explore that.

[Bev06 GG]

Well when you have all finished working out the human psychi will you let me know. I think by trying to explain the unexplainable we can run around in circles and spend a lot of time and energy worrying about things that we can do very little about.
I know it is easy for me to say because I am comfortable both with my gender and my sexuality, but to be honest if I wasn't I dont think I would waste any time trying to discover the truth about something that leading experts are constantly debating and disagreeing on. I would just get on and enjoy what I did have. We are all very unique. I fancy a CD and live with him, I am constantly being asked by people if I am lesbian, I dont know, I seriously doubt it but to be honest who the hell cares.
Dolly regarding your question on how do you develop your relationship with a girl on girl. The only advice I can give you is be as honest and up front as you can be. It might take a while but I am sure you will find someone out there if your patient. And look at it this way, if you fancied otherr men would that make you homosexual? and so the debate goes on.
Take care my friend and dont tie yourself in knots, I am sure you are a beautiful human being who like the rest of us has a unique side to your personality. Celebrate it
Bev

[deja true]

Bev's a thousand percent right!

But first we've all gotta get over obsessing about the labels that we think might apply to us.

And it's annoying and self-defeating to be thinking about them in terms of "worrying".

"I'm worried that i'm a lesbian!" or "I'm scared I might be gay!"

What's the worry? Why scared? Are lesbians or gays or bi's or g-queers or androgynes any different or any less of a person than anyone else?

Accept that you are probably different somehow than your old high school buddies, different than those guys you served with in the navy, different than those clowns at work who are constantly making jokes about everybody else.

FFS! Worry about something important, like the price of oil, or how many more are gonna die in the Middle east, or whether these shoes go with that purse!

Just be who you're gonna be. Go where your heart leads you!

And support and love all your brothers and sisters in the world, gay, straight, bi, purple, and plaid!

[Kate Simmons]

Does it really matter Hon? The feelings and chemistry tell the story. Just be yourself and everything else will follow.

[Amy Hepker]

I am only sexually attracted to Females. I have male friends, but would not concider sex with any of them. I guess I am a Lesbian.

[MelindaHow]

Doctor says to the mother; " Mam I have to say, and the tests have confirmed,......... your son's a Heterosexual...."

Mother; "WHAT!!"
"I knew it! It's his fathers fault. The next time I see him I'm gonna beat his a$$!"
"I always figured something wasn't right with that boy."

[dolly]

Thanks Bev. very thoughtful insight.

[dolly]

thanks to all of you for your insight, advice and support.
love you.

[Sherry-Stephanie]

Oh let me confuse this a little more and through this senerio in....

What if you take a female who is totally male in appearence, action and thought and in body is female and she's into females...that ='s a lesbian right??? But what if she gets it on with a guy who's into being into the female role...and the "real" female takes on the male role...is it now a hetrosexual (role where she is the male and he's the female) relation???? In other words if you take two gay people and switch their primary biological gender and roles do you get a hetro-sexual couple????

Confusing??? absolutley.... interesting??? oh yeah!!!!

I don't have an answer on this one...jsut a situation that I was told about by one of the parties involved and I was asked that question..."What is the role" here? I couldn't asnswer it....

[katewithcurves]

I'll tell you how I feel personally. As a guy I am completely grossed out by the idea of being physical with a guy. When I get completely dressed up and in the mood I feel a very strong desire to give myself to a man. I want to make a gift of my body and provide the pleasure to a man that only a woman can but only when I am dressed enough to allow to believe, just for a moment that what I see dressed up is matched underneath the clothes. I want to be subservient, with respect, and give my love and affection for protection and his providership. I can't explain it, but as much as I love women's bodies I could give it up if I had the necessary equipment to make love to a man as a woman.

[dolly]

very interesting, sherry-stephanie.

[Alan]

The most useful piece of advice I have ever received about sexuality was this: Stop worrying about the shape of the body and start thinking instead about your feelings for the person in the body.

I have it lucky, I think, because I can see myself with a woman as easily as I can see myself with a man (now, you ask me to pick between Hugh Laurie and Angelina Jolie, I'd go Hugh Laurie no question, but that's irrelevant, because it has nothing to do with feelings).

Most people get so hung up on the 'Am I a lesbian?' 'Am I gay?' 'Am I straight?' 'Am I bi?' question that they don't realize that it's not that simple.

Most people are not gay, straight, or bi, because each implies a rigid, unchanging idea: that you will always like that. There are times I am more attracted to girls than guys, although usually I find guys more attractive. It's a fluid thing. Sexuality changes throughout your life, depending on where you are, what experiences you've had, etc.

I consider the 'am I [whatever sexuality]?' question very limited. Sex and sexual attraction are a component of love and overall attraction, but it's not everything.

Don't label yourself -- by labelling yourself, you stick yourself in a box. You start thinking that that's the only way to think, and it's hard to get out of that again (I used to think I was a lesbian... It was hard allowing myself to realize that I was attracted to men, too, after I labeled myself: LESBIAN).

My advice to people is always ACCEPTANCE, whether the person in question is someone else or YOU. Socrates shouldn't've said Know Thyself -- he should've said Love/Accept Thyself.

[PhillyGuy2Girl]

It doesn't matter if I'm in guy mode or in femme mode. I am very attracted to women and only women 100%.So I guess when I'm in femme mode,I'm a lesbian.


No offense,but being with another guy doesn't turn me on one bit.To each their own.

My wife always jokes with me saying that I'm probably a lesbian trapped in a man's body, to which there might be some truth.


Felicity

[jennifer24]

KATE, That`s how I feel I would only make wuppie with a man if I`m totaly in femm, they don`t appeal to me when I`m a man at all. I love my woman trust me they are #1 on my list, I guess I consider myself BI, I have no problem with that. My dream would be to meet a female who is willing to except me for who I am, I would love to go out in public in femm with her, shopping etc. I would feel more free and relaxed to let my inner female out. JENN

[karezza]

Hi Dolly, I appreciate your situation. Perhaps my experience will give you some perspective on how relationships evolve. When I met my wife she identified as a bi switch. I identified as straight and dominant, but I worshiped all things female and feminine. As our relationship evolved, it became clear that she is naturally dominant and I have a pronounced submissive side. When I finally submitted to her things really began to shift in our relationship. As I became more submissive, my feminine side blossomed and I became interested in crossdressing. At first this was a turnoff for my wife, but she accepted it. When she got a full-time female lover, she realized that she is primarily lesbian, and she finally understood my crossdressing: Of course it looks silly (at least on me), but it's about the feeling of femininity and a glimpse of what it is like to be in a woman's body.

Her lesbianism has shifted our lovemaking dramatically. She has taught me to make love to her like a woman. I must confess that lesbian sex is the best! It is so sensual and connected . But I am incredibly grateful that she lets me share in her joy and glimpse the ecstasy of lesbian sex.

So, my advice is to seek out women who are bi or lesbian-leaning. Approach them with respect and let them know you adore their feminine nature. If they appreciate your desire to worship and to serve them, and they accept you as a genetic male, you can be open about the fact you like to crossdress as an expression of your feminine side. "Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery." If you are lucky, a woman will appreciate both sides of your nature. If you love her like a woman she will be more attracted to you as a woman, and also more attracted to real women. If she loves you for who you are, she will understand why you dress. If you are really lucky, she will allow you to be a surrogate lesbian and share with you the subtle joys of real lesbian sex.

I know I may have found the needle in the haystack. Most lesbian-identified women have no desire to be bonded with a genetic male. But there are lesbian-leaning bi women who find fulfillment as a "married lesbian", just as there are men like us who find fulfillment as a "male lesbian". Of course, labels are silly and inaccurate. Be yourself, follow your feelings, be open, and let things evolve ....

Karezza