Why do people have to be so rude?

[`Kayla`]

I don't want to hi-jack anyones post so I just made this one to say what I wanted to say...I am sorry if I'm considered to be spamming or wasting server space...so sorry.

This is in reference to another post about a young girl calling someone out at the checkout. I posted my experience in that thread as well but I'll do it again here just so you don't have to look for it. I went into Wal-mart to buy one of those extenders for the hooks on a bra and to buy a pair of thigh highs. The woman at the checkout in the garden center was looking at me like I was an alien or something. Then when I returned with my wife and kids she was really looking at me oddly. I have no spine and I can't say anything to people when they do me this way...hence the reason I get done like I do in life I guess.

When I worked retail a long time ago I had a job as a checkout clerk and it was a pretty cool job. You got to see a lot of different people and have a lot of different experiences. I had a guy come through my line one day and he was buying a lot of female stuff, makeup and clothing. Now being who I am and dressing myself...not as much back then though...I commented on how nice some of the stuff looked. I even tossed in my comments of what I liked personally. He gave me a look like I was judging him or something...I felt bad about that cause that would have been the last thing I'd have done.

This same situation is why I can't bring myself to go back to Wally World to buy those false implant things...what are they called...they are fake breast or something like that? I was reading here about putting the smaller cup into the bigger one and had seen those but I couldn't bring myself to buy them. People would be looking at me and that would worry me to death...especially the people who know me and would see...OMG...I'd die. That is my biggest hurdle...finding something to make breast from that have weight and bounce...move like real breast or as close to that as I can get. You already know why I can't buy those high dollar fake ones but I want a pair SO badly. I wish I had the talent to make my own like I was reading about on here...I can do a lot of things but that is something I don't think I could do.

Why do these people find it necessary to try to belittle you in public or whatever? Why can't people just accept that everyone is different and it takes different strokes for different folks (haha..did I say that?). If I could be God, I'd make the world such a better place...everyone would be much happier.

I was in a gas station buying something for myself and the woman at the counter said "are these for you" and I was stunned. I never thought I'd get ask that...I didn't know what to say so I lied and said "no they are for my wife". Then going home I was thinking and I was like "that stupid ***** I should have told her YES they are for me and I've got lipstick in the car too, you wanna see that as well". But I ain't got the guts to do such...I just drove home and freaked out to myself for awhile.

Have you ever been anywhere to buy fem stuff and actually got accepted or helped? Where can you go that they actually welcome CD guys to buy fem stuff at?

[Nicole Erin]

I don't think I have had but 2 snide cashiers. One when I was 15 buying a pair of hose the stupid old bat cashier was laughing, and another time it was at Wal Mart and some moronic redneck chick was acting kind of stupid.

I have bought things for "Erin" several times and a few times even had the makeup counter person help me choose foundation... Very seldom have I had bad experience. Most cashiers and SA's are professional.

Why are people rude?
There are a lot of a-holes out there. They do not deserve respect.
There will always be a few a-holes no matter where you go.

[bah-bah-bobbie]

Kayla, I don't know what to tell you. I bet if you went to the checkout stand next to the one you actually did go to, you would have got a totally different reaction. There are so many variables that detrimine how one reacts to things that change every hour. My advice, next time you go there to buy fem stuff, hold your head high, and be nonchalant about it. Act like buying make-up and a dress is as neccesary as buying breakfast cereal, and deodorant. Being sheepish can get you unwanted attention. As for your gas station experience I feel you should have said yes and I have lipstick in the car too. That is part of holding your head high. Being an obstenate (I know I spelled that wrong) ******* doesn't hurt either. Your other option, almost every large city has a china town, a little italy, and a section that is populated by the gay and TG community. The clothing stores there will not give you any flack about what you buy, and in fact may provide the help and advice you need.

[deja true]

Where to go to buy stuff?

Well I certainly wouldn't go anywhere the checkout people or the SAs are pimply faced teenagers. Like I've said before, if the assistants are kids, they'll act like kids. If they're workin' in a dead end job that they hate anyway, they don't care what they say or who they mess with.

Shop in places staffed by adults. Most adults will usually act like adults, whether you think they "approve" of your purchases or not. They've seen it all, and if they are professional, they'll treat you well.

And hold your head up, girl. What you spend your money on is none of their freekin' business.

[Petra Harper]

Have you ever been anywhere to buy fem stuff and actually got accepted or helped? Where can you go that they actually welcome CD guys to buy fem stuff at?

I may have been lucky but almost every shop with a sales lady has been helpful and so interested in Petra. I shop in man mode but I always carry pictures of Petra - the ones in my profile and avatar. I am completely open with them and they simply accept me. That does not stop my being nervous the first time I approach them. I don't why, maybe I just pick the right ladies by something in the way they look, but they are so kind and helpful.

The best example is my makeup goddess, I just walked up to her and told her what I did and that I knew so little that I couldn't even ask a meaningful question but I think I want something called Dermablend. I showed my picture, She said, "This is you?", I said "Yes", She said "Wow, how wonderful, now your not the first, but you look good and I'll tell you what you want." There then followed 2 one hour sessions over two days as she found the correct shades for my skin type etc by applying makeup to me! It was marvellous, as soon as she started I just relaxed and just let her take over as she taught me everything from how to shave (I'd never shaved in my life so her advice was good and welcome), the importance of moisturisers, serums and anti-wrinkle creams of skin condition and its importance to makeup quality.

I not only left the shop with all my required makeup but with loads of free samples. AND she didn't just sell me the most expensive options, she chose the correct product.

It was such a wonderful experience.

Also, it was not a one off - I have another makeup goddess in another pharmacy.

I could go on, but I have not really had a negative response - whenever I have plucked up courage, opened up with complete honesty, showed my photograph and became prepared to listen everything went OK no matter where I go, so far, shopping for Petra!

I think humility is the order of the day - it's no use approaching arrogantly demanding things - you are after all feminine.

[Melissa A.]

Hi Kayla,

It pains me to see you so distressed about this. It's not going to do you any good to tell you how easy it should be. That's something only you can change over time. I don't know how old you are, but when I was younger, I had the same fears. Over time, it got much easier. And as more time went by, I developed the attitude that I am the consumer, and I have the right to buy whatever the heck I want. And no whatever dollar an hour clerk or ignoramus behind me in line is going to be able to embarrass me. This is the absolute truth: If you hold your head high, carry yourself with confidence, and look people straight in the eye with a smile you should never, never have a problem. If you encounter any resistance at all, especially from an employee, that person should be reported to their superior. I understand that this may take time. But it comes from you. None of these people out there are smarter than you are. They aren't any better. They haven't got any right to make you feel the way THEY want you to. That will only happen if you allow it. Put it this way: If some stranger walked up to you on the street or a store, and began berating you for no good reason, you'd stand up for yourself, wouldn't you? If someone suddenly gave your wife a rash of cr*p for no reason, you'd stand up for her, would you not? This is the same. You are doing nothing wrong at all, and have no reason to feel as if you are

Instead of inflicting yourself with so much guilt and anxiety over this, treat it like t's nothing. Like you're buying a hose or a shovel. Look, I shop in my local WalMart as a woman, usually. Do people read me, sometimes? of course they do. No one has ever, ever given me a hard time. That' not because I look tough, or I'm big and bad. I'm not. It's just in the way I carry myself. If you are comfortable, people will sense that. I would love nothing more than to hear soon, that you are buying what you want, where and when you want, sweetie. Push yourself alittle, change that attitude just a smidge, and you will be amazed at the results. YOU are the consumer! No one has the right to make you feel bad. I wish you all the strength and luck in the world, hunny.

Hugs,

Melissa

[ggtracy]

I agree with Melissa's advice. Just remember these teens that are snickering or making comments are just that - teens. They don't know any better and at their age, its common to make fun of others that are different. If you stand tall and proud, then you can show them that being different is ok.

[KarenCDFL]

There are a lot of people who have such low self esteem, the only way they get to feel better about themselves is by putting down other people.

This was not done to you because you are gender gifted, this was done because you are different.

It could have been that your nose is larger, being under or overweight or having a birthmark or something else this little fool could laugh at.

People like this are a very sorry lot and will never have a serene happy life.

So don't worry about it.

[Fab Karen]

Plenty of us have never had a problem buying such things.

Another thing is stop shopping at WalMart. Regardless of how you get treated, they don't respect their employees, & anyone trying to unionize has been quickly fired.

[Cary]

I do feel it gets better with time. I have the same worries as you, but I just keep pushing forward. It's not like I'm buying WMDs or drugs. I'm sure you work hard for your money. If you can afford to buy femme things, then buy femme things with consummer pride. In these hard time any paying customer is money in THEIR pockets.

[Kimberely416]

Some of you may recall my post of a few weeks ago regarding the gown that was a little too tight and my fear about doing the zipper all the way up and not being able to get it back down. (I live alone)

Well, I got lots of ideas about how to go about it. One was to bring the gown to a dress maker and have it altered. Well, I took this advice and brough it into a shop. A tiny oriental lady turned it inside out and looked at it closely. Then she asked me if it would be possible for my wife to come in for a fitting.
I looked at her and, with a big smile, told her that the gown was for me. She took one step back and looked a little surprised. Then, with a big smile back, she said:"well, put it on." So I did.

The long and the short of the story is that I now have the gown back and it fits perfectly. Now, all I need is an occasion to wear it! For those of you who might want to have a look at the gown, it's on display in my member profile. The gown looks great but the wearer is another story

[victoriamwilliams1]

I have had the same type of reaction when I would only shop for my girl things endrab now I shop for most of my items I need while dressed and its partially for the reasons of the clerks reaction! Now I get a different reaction

[Nicki B]

This was not done to you because you are gender gifted, this was done because you are different.

Surely it was done because actually they feel inadequate themselves...

[Carroll]

Learn to be a smartass!
1) "Would you like a bag for this gallon of oil?" "No thanks, I'll drink it here"

2) "Oh, Your wife is going to love this dress" "I know, she loves for me to wear pink"

3) "This a great bra" "I know, I have three more just like it at home"

For most people, you with throw them off balance and they wont know what to say. Its worked for me all these years!

[donnalee]

The only time anything like this happened to me was at a thrift store. I had grabbed a couple of skirts and a dress on my lunch hour. When I went to the register, the rather elderly sales clerk asked "For your lady?" I honestly think she was more confused than hostile, so I answered "Yes". Of course, what she didn't know was, the lady was me.

[Amy Hepker]

I am proud of who I am and don't care what others think, besides do you think the cashier wants you to call her boss and tell them that you were rudely treated by this cashier. They can lose their job. Don't be afraid, be PROUD of who you are.

[Amy Lynn3]

I answer questions from SA's with questions. The last one was at Goodwill. The male SA ask me who I was buying this for ? It was some skirts, bra, etc. I ask him....why are you asking ? Are you making a pass at me or something ? They really back peddle then.

[docrobbysherry]

If suddenly everyone became non-judgemental, think what mite happen:

Instantly equality regarding age, sex, ethnicity, color, gender, $$$, and smarts!

No more wars. No more sports. No contests of any kind. No competition of any kind. No religion. No marriage. Because everyone is exactly equal!

No politics. No rich people. No poor people. No crime. No cheating. No talk shows. No education. No entertainment. No hope. No dispair.

Sounds great doesn't it?

Oh yeah, and no CDing!

[Stacye Rose]

Ok, I work in the Garden Center in a Wal~Mart. Sometimes as a Cashier. It is possible you are over-reacting to the percieved looks from the cashier. Maybe she didn't care what you bought. And when you came in with your wife and kids she probalby thought "That poor guy, his wife made him come buy her bra extenders" Literally dozens of men come through our store every day buying nail polish, panties, and tampons. The cashier at wallyworld(or anyplace else you happen to spend your money) most likely could care less who you are and what you spend your money on.It's also possible that the cashier read you and clocked your intentions. SO WHAT!! Your money is just as green as everyone elses. Speaking as a cashier at wallyworld I look at it this way. Every dime you spend on whatever helps toward my quaterly bonus. I deal with so many different people every day that chances are better than good that I won' remember your face next time you come in the store-much less what you bought last time. Remember it's your money what you buy with it and where you buy it is no ones business but yours.

[dresser1974]

It is their own insecurities that causes them to act this way I went to Fashion Bug the other day to buy some stuff for my wife and the people in there were acting like i was invading a country

[Josephine 1941]

Hi Kayla I had to pick up a eye brow pencle the other day, well Lipstick was on sale 2 for 1 so got them too. At the ck out this older women then me ask if the eye brow was the right color . I said to her yes it goes with my hair , she said but you are white. I said its to match my wig, she said ow you are like my late husband he love to dress we had a nice talk. Most all will be nice to you if you show that you are up front and talk with you. You will get some but you have to show that it is you and you arn't affraid of being outed.

[Petra Harper]

Hi Kayla,

It pains me to see you so distressed about this. It's not going to do you any good to tell you how easy it should be.

I only intended to answer Kayla's question about whether anybody had been accepted as a CD in a shop and I was happy to give her a positive affirmation. At least some of the world out there is understanding.

I certainly would never worry about what a teenager thought of me - they've got problems enough of their own without they should worry about anyone else's situation!

Also it depends how you respond to rudeness. It may not be rudeness but a poor attempt to communicate in a novel situation.

I once bought a makeup selection box in a catalogue shop. I took my order slip to the lady at the till, she typed it into her terminal and announced with loud voice for all to hear "One makeup selection box. I suppose you're gonna tell me this isn't for you." and she looked around and smiled a clever smile to anyone watching. Not many people were interested in fact. I was taken aback for a moment, thought "What the hell?" and responded in a similar loud voice "No, I'm not. It is for me! How else am I going to practice putting on makeup?" and looked straight in her eyes and smiled friendly at her. Honesty disables (or enables) almost everybody. She thought for bit then said in a quiet voice "Hmmph, well you are not alone. My daughter's boyfriend dresses as a woman. Mind you he is good at it and we prefer him like that to the grumpy, bad tempered bloke he is when he gets home from work!". So it turned out that this woman's initial rudeness was just a gauche attempt at communicating with someone who was like her son-in-law to be. I expect she was relieved to find he was not a one off! We chatted a bit more and I left her a lot easier in her mind about her daughter's boyfriend.

[trannie T]

I have almost always been treated politely and decently by sales associates. A few times I have been kidded as when a clerk was ringing up a pair of panties and said "I don't think these are your color." When I told her she was probably right but that I was going to wear them anyway she laughed. I make no secret as to who is going to wear the clothes or makeup I purchase. When someone comes up to a checkout stand with a pair of panties, is unable to speak, is shaking like a leaf in a tornado and is bright red the sales associate is going to look upon them as fair game. If you treat sales associates with respect and do not make too much of a spectacle of yourself you will be treated decently.

[Christine XX]

I agree with Carroll about being a smartass. Here's a couple of quick answers that would occur to me:

Q: "Are those items for you?"

A1: "Why, don't you like the color?"
A2: "No, they're for my brother"
A3: "Not as far as you know!"

You might confuse and embarrass them, or make them laugh. Either way is good!

Once I was buying pantyhose and birdseed at a local supermarket and the cashier says "I bet those aren't for you to wear", to which I replied "The birdseed's not for me to eat either!"

And as for Wally-world, I think they have a complete turnover of cashier staff about every three weeks, so go ahead and shop there. You will likely never see the same checkout person twice.

-Christine

[Sandra Dunn]

For me I just pick it out and buy it, I have not gone to Wally World as Sandra. Here there are way to many not so educated rednecks or should I say wife beaters. It seems they all shop at Wally World. I do buy some clothes from there and I've gotten to the point I don't worry about people looking.
The best places to go and shop as your fem self are the more upper end stores, your get better sevice and if you shop regularly you find great items on clerance. The clerance sales are very competative with Wally World and the quality is a whole lot better. The quality make up cost more at first, they last a lot longer. One reason for the lasting longer is the fact you have someone helping you find the right color for you. I use MAC for 2 reasons, one it is a better product and the other is part of their profit goes to AIDS research.
Someone in an earlier post mentioned the Teeny Boppers, with the higher end stores you don't get the Teeny Boppers you get older women who will take your money and smile gracefully.

HUGS Sandra