Why do people have to be so rude?

[Jonianne]

I was buying some shoes at Kmart or Target and the checkout lady looked at me and said these are not for you are they? I said yes they were and she asked again, and again I said, yes. She seemed pretty stunned. I just smiled while she rang them up and gave them to me. I was really tempted to pull out a picture of me enfemme and show her, but I decided not to. I think in most cases its best just to give a nice responce even though they may seem rude. You never know who may be watching and you never know if their attitude may change if you "turn the other cheek". At worse, they may think you are a little weird, but still a nice person.

[Empress Lainie]

[SIZE=4] Guess it's ok to add mine here. I was at Kmart and bought my first fem purchase the day after transitioned. It was a $50 diamond timex. I told the SA who is a good friend now that I was going to live as the woman I am from now on.

Then she told me a funny story. She was pg and getting a renewal driver license and the female clerk put male on it.
She didn't notice it until she moved to NV, and when she went to get her NV dl and told them it was a mistake she was female, they tried to argue with her, so she told them lets go into the bathroom and I'll prove it. No more argument.

Then I went to the ladies section (I was drab, didn't have but one skirt and a pair of fancy panties I bought months before on a whim with my gf at Ross one night. Picked out some stuff, a skirt and 3 tank tops, and went to the dressing rooms. I told the lady there I was transgendered and which rooms should I use. She said it doesn't matter, either one.
So I used the men's for the last time since I was drab. The clothes all fit, so I bought them.

I buy at Kmart, Ross, Target, and Wallyworld, and have never gotten anykind of treatment but the best; I am always dressed like the woman I am and have always been treated that way.

I really HATE IT when I see or hear of someone being ridiculed or some other form of abuse. I lectured a group of high (17-20 age, not drugs) teenagers one night for 30 minutes, and they responded well and bet they never made any fun of anyone again. They were snickering about my SO who until she started wearing a bra and those cups from WM, she was frequently taken to be a guy. It really infuriated her, as it did the two times I was read.[/SIZE]

[waspookie6]

I went into Wal-mart to buy one of those extenders for the hooks on a bra and to buy a pair of thigh highs. The woman at the checkout in the garden center was looking at me like I was an alien or something.

There are grumpy people everywhere. Most likely she wasn't contemplating you but how the dog just ate the couch and her husband let the dog in!

I have no spine and I can't say anything to people when they do me this way...hence the reason I get done like I do in life I guess.

This doesn't mean you don't have a spine, it means you are polite. There aren't enough polite people so please don't change that unless they actually say something to you - and you can still be polite in response. It disarms grumpy people.

I even tossed in my comments of what I liked personally. He gave me a look like I was judging him or something...I felt bad about that cause that would have been the last thing I'd have done.

You need to get beyond the guilt stage of cd'ing as it's obvious your wife knows. It seems like you are carrying this with you when you had the best of intentions, there is no reason to drag that and any other past incidences into who you are.

That is my biggest hurdle...finding something to make breast from that have weight and bounce...move like real breast or as close to that as I can get. You already know why I can't buy those high dollar fake ones but I want a pair SO badly.

D'eva carries what you are looking for round $30 and at some beauty supply stores which are typically small, lessens the chance of running into someone. Maybe your wife could go with, they'd think they were for her if it really bothers you. I think they can be found online, try google search.

Why do these people find it necessary to try to belittle you in public or whatever? Why can't people just accept that everyone is different and it takes different strokes for different folks (haha..did I say that?). If I could be God, I'd make the world such a better place...everyone would be much happier.

I hate to say it but read that and look in the mirror - you are the only one saying this to yourself. I've seen people trip and fall, drop money, wear clothing where nakey bits can be seen and no one cares. They are too wrapped up in their own world to care about you. Really.
Work on your self esteem because honestly, people just don't care (and it would be nice if they did!).

I was in a gas station buying something for myself and the woman at the counter said "are these for you" and I was stunned.

Chalk that one up to boredom. I've had convenience and gas store clerks ask the dumbest things...because they were bored out of their minds. Again, I really think you are reading too much into people and what they say or look like. I know I've had to stop myself in a store because I couldn't remember the one item I needed - I furrow my brows and look like I'm criticizing someone in my head when I'm actually staring down an aisle trying to figure out what the one thing was I needed but forgot what it was.
It's like "Did I leave the iron on when I left the house"? Nothing more really, again, we are all prone to doing this not thinking about who is in the aisle or staring at anyone in particular.

Have you ever been anywhere to buy fem stuff and actually got accepted or helped? Where can you go that they actually welcome CD guys to buy fem stuff at?

Well it sure isn't Wally World! Higher end stores with clearance racks have more mature SA's. They are genuine and as mentioned will help you and nothing phases them. Many will give you their business card or write their name so you know to call first and see if they are working that day. My own DH CD'er has has this happen at a few places including Value Village. Smaller boutiques like "Lovers" (used to be Lovers Package) are great at helping anyone regardless, shops like those only hire staff that care about the self esteem of their customers not about their bbf who just sent them a text message and OMG! the world is falling apart because they won't get the day off they wanted.

As has been mentioned find your "good" place in your head and own the store you walk into. It might set your pulse racing but DH says if you smile, don't break a sweat and pretend at first it is for your wife, it gets far easier to say "No, this is for me. Do you have it in a different size or color?" and the SA is very happy to help him.

[Stephanie-L]

Once when I was buying lipstick in a large chain drugstore, the cashier jokingly asked if the color was right for me. I replied that I hoped it was. She was 17 and had apparantly never dealt with a CD before (even though I was in male mode at the time). She couldn't believe that I bought and wore makeup. She eventually turned out to be a friend and we had many nice chats whenever I was in the store.....Stephanie

[bimini1]

Simply put , human beings can and will be extremely hateful about what they don't understand. Sure you will find a few that have gone to a higher level but that is not the norm. It says alot more about them than it does about you but it can be hurtfull. I have found it's best to ignore them but it is hard ain't it?

[Bev06 GG]

Hi Kayla,
In a word IMMATURITY OF CHARACTER. A hell of a lot of people live a very insular life. They have lived in the same town all their lives, their families live up the road, they have rarely travelled, they think everyone is the same as they are, they have never ever had to think outside of the box and in a nutshell they have the mentality of someone who has never looked beyond their own experience so they haven't had the opportunity to broaden the mind.
People who laugh or mock give much away about themselves. Rather than get annoyed we should feel very sorry for them because if anything similar ever rears its head in their own families they wouldn't be able to cope, it would be the end of the world for them. Where as those of us who are used to thinking out of the box and are a tad more worldly cope much better with most anything that comes our way even if it is a bit out of the ordinary.
Take care
Bev

[Christinedreamer]

When I first started buying stuff for my femme self I was nervous as can be. I used the usual "for my sister" or cousin excuse. The only problem was that I was buying babydolls, nightgowns, panties tec. Not exactly what a teenage brother would buy his female relatives and I also knew WAY too much about the fabrics, designs, garment names etc. They saw through me and rudely asked "what do you do with these when you are done?" (expecting that I used them just for sexual kicks. That P'd me off. Even though she was much older than I, I simply responded that "I will never be done with them and they will be part of my wardrobe." That surprised her and she just finished ringing them up without anther word.

Over the years, I have completely gotten over my fear of talking about my CDing with SAs. I have even gone into dress stores that are for larger sized ladies (myself) and been pleasantly greeted and given assistance with no ill mannered responses from the SAs as they realize by the way we look around, feel the clothes, and go back and forth that we are buying for ourselves and our money is green too. In fact I have found a few places that actively seek us out as we are easier to deal with and frequently spend more money than many GGs. Some shops will even host after hour shopping events for CD groups and many will even serve refreshments.

As far as rude SAs and snappy comebacks, I have used many that were mentioned in previous posts in this thread. But if the less extreme ones don't halt the harrassment I just tell them "Excuse me, but what you think of me is none of my business" and if that doesn't shut them up I add "Your mother must have had a nice bark" and then I make my way to the manager to discuss the attitude adjsutment needed by the SA.

I have also resonded to one exceptionally rude "preacher" SA that told me I was in the control of the devil that "The position of God has been filled and YOU were not even interviewed" That really shut her up.

Bottom line- what you do in your world will not affect these people in anyway, so they have zero right to accost you verbally. You have worth so stand your ground and do what makes you happy without guilt or shame. You are gifted with a special personality that can be the most wonderful experience if you don't let anyone try to break your spirit. They only break it if you allow it.

God gave you a gift- take good care of it.

Christine

[Deidra Cowen]

I am sorry sweetie you had a bad experience...gotta say really things usually work out ok for me out at the stores. Of course Atlanta is a pretty liberal place but everyonce in a while I run into trouble. It usually is a bitchy middle aged white chick that gives me trouble. LOL Hey I am middle aged and bitchy so I can be judgemental on that description!

Anyway...once at Streinmart as I was looking at the clipon ear-rings they have near the checkout stations I heard two GG clerks talking about me. I immediately dropped looking at the earrings and went staight up to one of those clerks with some cloths I picked out. I put on my bitchy take no crud look on my face and all but challedged her to say something by my attitude. She melted...would not look up at me and was flustered. LOL Got her!!! made me feel good.

[sherri]

I sometimes shop en femme at WalMart, and if any employee were to exhibit any sort of rudeness or hostility toward me, I guarantee you there would be a scene, and it wouldn't be over until I had spoken with the store's top management, right there at the scene of the crime. Before I was through, that employee's ass would be in a sling. This gurl ain't puttin up with it. And I don't want to hear any excuses for teenagers -- my kids were raised to be polite and respect their elders, and there are a lot of kids out there today who need to learn that lesson. IMO.

[Melissa A.]

While we're sharing some fun experiences, I'll share two, that illustrate two ways to handle people who feel duty-bound to mess with you. both times were while shopping at a supermarket as a woman:

Once , my groceries included beer. The male cashier, who was either late teens or early 20's said nochalantly, "are you over 21?" (this always makes me smile, I'm freaking 48!) So I said, "Yep." He then looked at me, alot more closely and said in a purposely loud voice, "YOUR BIRTHDATE, PLEASE?" I did not hesitate a second, and gave him my "I am seriously not going to take your crap, kid" face, and said in an equally elevated, but polite tone, "MY BIRTHDATE IS AUGUST 18th, 1959." never once did my eyes leave his. But his left mine! he looked at the floor for the rest of the transaction, pretty much, and did not respond at all, when I said, "Thank you. take care now". Tranny 1, smart-*ss 0.

At the same store, at the customer service counter, the same woman ALWAYS ID's me for ciggarettes(please, no lectures, I am actually quitting, my target date is Sept. 15th.) This dance has been going on for a long time. She knows how old I am. She seems to think she is embarrassing me, or upsetting me, by proofing me every single time. And every time, I courteously and politely show her my so-far-still-male-ID with a smile, and always say thank you and take care before I walk away. Obviously, I'm not really getting thru to her, because she keeps doing it. But it makes me feel good to behave far, far better than she does. Maybe one day she will get that. Oh, darn, that's right-I'm quitting! lol

I need to add, however, that the overwhelming majority of people out in the world who read me, especially those working with the public, are very courteous and polite, either because that's the way they are, they sense I won't abide anything less, or simple social norms.

Humor, politeness, serioussness, or even anger when necessary. they all have their place, at times. Just never let 'em see ya sweat.

Hugs,

Melissa

[Joy Carter]

What can I say, it's happened to all of at one time or another. Like the others have said, have a comeback ready. Nothing nasty. Or just ask if your money was a good as his/her last customer.

On a side note. I had a young female start laughing when she noticed my double pierced ears (what else could have it been ?). She was holding back giving back my change, all the while she was trying to get the attention of the other female clerk. I leaned on the counter and gave her a frown and it took a few seconds longer for her to get the message, that I wasn't happy with her antics.

They are they to serve you. No matter what you buy. Hold you chin up Hun and pay them no mind.

[`Kayla`]

Well, I haven't bailed on you girls I just haven't been able to post. There has been a ton of answers since I've been gone. The one about finding fake breast for realism...I can't take my wife with me...she'll never go for that.

It's sad that some places are like this, I live in a small town where most everybody knows somebody else who knows you. So I can't just freely walk in and start buying stuff like some of you can...plus I don't have anywhere to keep it. A place to keep it hidden that is so that my wife isn't throwing a fit at me.

I wish I had a SO that was supportive because not having one is the saddest part of this whole thing for me. If I weren't married it wouldn't bother me but since I am not having her support and understanding is the worse part I believe. I don't think she knows because I've not told her, I just said I was curious when confronted about the photos.