My SO's changed.

[Holly]

...I do know for a fact that GGs do change, everybody changes. It's like this. "Nothing stays the same and nothing lasts forever." This is something I taught my kids and it is true. You have to enjoy what you want now, because it may not be here tomorrow. Most GGs find someone else, somewhere else that is a so-called better MAN and that's what can shake everything up. I have found that a GG will go to better grounds when their not happy rather than to accept and adjust to the situation.

Why is it so difficult to grasp the fact that "change" is not the exclusive domain of GG's. Look at the majority of the posts from transgender members who bemoan the fact that their SO's have changed. It is very rare that one even suggests that the change could have started with them. How foolish we are if we believe that we are rock-solid individuals, leading a life filled with consistent behavior. Would it hurt us to just consider once in a while that maybe the change we are noticing is in ourselves and not our partners?

[Nicole Erin]

Oh gyod, I get so sick of hearing about how another one of our CD sisters is having to put up with their SO flip flopping between being supportive and not tolerating.

I feel bad for our sister CDs.

You know what my friends? You are who you are. CD is part of who you are.
Quit apologizing, quit feeling bad, quit trying to "come to terms" and just be yourself.

If people don't like it, get them out of your life.

For some of us, being CD may have resulted from feeling "less than" cause maybe we were the fag or the nerd or the skinny guy who got picked on a lot in school. MAybe we were the one who got our feelings dumped on by the best looking girl in school and everyone laughed.

I may be wrong but I feel like for me, that is a big part of why I CD. I was the nerd and sometimes got accused of being a fag. NO longer should you or I feel bad about who we are.

There will be people who don't like you for being CD. Could be anyone from the neighbor to your own family. BUT, there will always be haters no matter who or what you are.

[brendaisagirl]

Very true statement Holly, we only notice change when we have changed.
Acceptance of Cding is NOT 100% all the time, on either side. Give your wife some time and space, when I'm going thru stressed times, I want my man in 100% percent male mode there with me, that is just part of being born female. Talk to her reassure her, let you know you love her either way. When the family stress is less she may feel diffrently again.
Amy you are ruffling GG feathers, and just for the record, when GG's try no one looks better than us.
Brenda

[Amy Hepker]

Brendaisagirl, I agree with your statement that: "when GG's try no one looks better than us." That is so true, but most GGs seem to get to a point in their lives when less work to look good, is at the top priority with them. I am not saying all GGs are this way, but many are.

As far as CDers Changing goes, I don't think we are changing as much as we are growing into our true selves. Meaning we are still CDers, but we are advancing into our Female side and yes we will dress more and want to go out more, BUT, That does not mean we LOVE our partner any less, we are not bound to leave our partner because we have grown to the point we don't need them anymore. We want our GG Partner with us, we are in it for LIFE not just until the road gets bumpy or the water gets deep, but "til death due us depart."

These days a GG (not all GGs) is into a relationship until she does not feel happy, then she just up and leaves, she moves on. I mean what does "til death we depart" mean these days? Nothing it is until we are no longer happy then split.

I guess I have put my foot in deep enough for now.

Please GGs, do not take offence to what I have said here, as most of you are very accepting of us and are not like the GGs I have mentioned in this thread.

[Sophia de la luz]

Sounds like we might need a new thread addressing this issue of whether GG look better, on average, then CD men. I myself am in the camp of, all things being equal (that is in shape specimens, and minimal amount of clothing and accessories), GG have the CD men beat every time. Nothing can trump the slinky curves of the female form. Just the fact that the CD's have to work so hard to even beat the average, is testimony to the futility of the task. Our heads are too big, arms too long, etc...
And yes, some women look awful. Oh well, enough said about that.:D

To the original poster, support your wife. Stop thinking about yourself for a little while. It's been said here many times.

[PamelaTX]

And yes, some women look awful.

I'll have to take your word for it. I've never met one of those.

[Carin]

Lee Andrews is here to seek support and advice with his relationship. That is what this is about. Many of us have perspectives to offer that are valuable. That is why he came here.

The OFF-TOPIC crap dilutes the thread and just starts conflict in a space that is supposed to be supportive. Who looks better doesn't belong in this thread - or this forum for that matter.

I agree with Holly. We all change. It comes naturally with time. How we can deal with that change in ourselves and in our SO shapes our ability to navigate these waters. It is not easy.

[Lee Andrews]

Well I didn't mean to stir up a hornets nest.

Just to clarify I am supporting my wife as much as I know how,as she is with me and my family. If I could write all the things going on from both sides of the fence we would have a great soap opera script. Cross dressing has taken a back seat since early spring for various reasons, more important things in life going on I guess. Don't get me wrong the urge is there but I don't let it control me anymore, thanks to reading hundreds of posts here and the effect of the pink fog on people and their lives. Balance seems to be the key.

So I'm supporting her and not CDing or pushing it in her direction. The topic came up between us and she told me of her changed feelings. I'm sorry if I didn't clairify it better, I just was wondering if this was a normal thing for a SO or GG to have a different outlook on these things and does it come back. As I write this I'm realizing know one will know but her.

Dancin' the link you provided was a good read towards this topic and some understanding for me.

[kittypw GG]

Lee,
Tolerant feelings can come back towards the crossdressing. If my ex would have included me in his thoughts and fears and communicated better with me instead of blame me for all of his woes things would have most certainly been different. He was obsessed and had he really tried to gain perspective and give even a little of what I was asking in return he could have had it all. But alas he was greedy and selfish and that is a big turn OFF to accepting gg's.
I'm not trying to compare you to him though, I hope that his level of stupidity is not common among cd's in general.

You are getting the picture though and will likely only gain higher levels of love and respect in your marriage. Balance IS the key to perspective. We all need perspective in our lives and an eye to the big picture.

Crossdressing may not be a priority now but it might have been more of a priority in the past, just now things have gone a little out of balance due to family responsibilities. Maybe you can help your wife get those things back in balance for her and help her regain her perspective and gain the ability to see the bigger picture.

Carin is so right, we are here to help eachother not get into pissing contests about who looks better in feminine clothing.

Lee I wish you luck and love

Kitty

[Satrana]

Lee

This is the way I read situations like this. Women generally do not like crossdressing period because it goes against everything they were taught, believed in and expected. However they are in love with their man so they make an effort to accommodate it with the hope that over time they will get used to it.

However if their central beliefs that men should not display femininity remains unchanged then all that actually happens is they slowly build up resentment that their man is not normal, that they have to cope with things other women don't, that they have to keep secrets etc. While life is good they can put this simmering resentment aside but if they feel under pressure then they cannot be bothered pretending anymore that they enjoy this aspect of the relationship.

So it is not really a sudden change of heart but rather their true feelings surfacing. And once they are out it will be difficult for her to return to pretending that she is OK with it. Like CDs, once the true feelings come out of the closet there is no turning back. This means you will likely have to re-negotiate the conditions on how and when you can crossdress.

[Claire Cook]

Hi Lee,

We all have different situations, but my take is to ask "what is most important?" For me, my relationship with my wife -- now 39 years -- is uppermost. While I dress in her presence, there are times when I know she does not need that, and I respect that. She is supportive in turn. A quick example: last Saturday would have been my first time out to our local TG group's meeting, and I was looking forward to that. However, Hanna was threatening lots of rain, she wasn't keen on my going, and I'd rented a video. So no dressing, just a cozy evening. I'm so glad I did that. The next day she told me about some things that had been bothering her at work, and that she really needed to be with me.

I'd echo what Tracy and others have said: try to be patient and understand her feelings.

Claire

[Lee Andrews]

I would like to thank everyone for their thoughtful and informative responses from both sides. I realize no one is perfect and I recognize a few things I could or should do to improve things in our lives.

Satrana, your post seems to be the way she is feeling from our last conversation on the subject.

If this turns out to be the way things are for the future then I can be grateful that I have a wife that still supports me. Not to the degree I would like but support none the less.

Again, Thank you to the members of this forum who have replied and PMed me, I don't know what I would have done without you.

[SANDRA MICHELLE]

Mine has as well and I feel it's because she has a lot of stress from dealing with her ill mother. She used to be really supportive and would go shopping with me as sandra and we would go out as girlfriends from rtime to time. It has been about a year now that she has "cooled" and that's OK, she needs her man more so I am there for her during her time of need. Hopefully Sandra and her will step out again some day and thyat will tell me alls well in her life, at least relatively speaking.