I have given alot of thought.....

[ReineD]

First, congratulations on your new insight, Dannie!

I remember about a year after I began dating my SO, she became irritated one day when I mentioned her femme self in the third person. I didn't understand then that it was about integration. I took it that she was developing an exclusive female self.

We all grow in our understanding.

This is an excellent thread and again I have questions ... :rolleyes:, but I've posted them in a separate thread entitled Integration so as not to hijack this one.

[JulieC]

I too do not like the idea of their being a split personality in my head. I'm me, all of me, and that includes CD aspects. Sometimes I can express them, sometimes I can not.

My wife and I recently took to using a femme pseudonym to refer to me as CD me but only for certain cases. In particular, when out shopping and I'm in drab, her asking me "Do you think Julie would like this?" is easier than putting a dress up against me and asking me if I like it. This is also useful in front of our (young, but perceptive) children.

But, we do not and I would never want to encapsulate femme aspects of me into "Julie". It doesn't begin to describe me.

[Leslie Mary S]

Many times when daughter and drab me are shopping we will ask " will Leslie like this?" etc.

[Nicki B]

I want to say again, that in no way am I saying that anyone else who uses a different name or has an alter-ego has multiple personalities or are pretending, I am saying that is how I felt about me.

It's my experience that some, certainly, choose the name of someone they admire or would wish to model themselves on? A sort of 'who they aspire to be'??

I personally have found the popular use of both the first and the third person to refer to oneself here to be a bit disconcerting. "I like to go and buy clothes for Julie" As if Julie were a completely separate person.

Sometimes, it's just easy, for clarity, to refer to 'him' and 'her'. In reality, gender isn't just either/or anyway, but that's the way society assumes it is?

I guess I'm saying it's not just the trans community that works on that presumption..

[Raquel June]

The whole idea of a different name never really occurred to me until I started getting involved online. I actually like my boy name, and I don't want people to think my girl name is some kind of CD alter-ego. I'm just being myself.

I don't care what name people call me, but I'm not particularly fond of being referred to with male pronouns, so with that in mind I don't want to go by a typically male name. I think it would be asking too much of people for me to use a male name then ask to be called "she" in conversation.

[Hope]

Sometimes, it's just easy, for clarity, to refer to 'him' and 'her'. In reality, gender isn't just either/or anyway, but that's the way society assumes it is?

I guess I'm saying it's not just the trans community that works on that presumption..

Society certainly assumes that gender is a binary state. It is certainly not just the trans community that works on that presumption; I guess I wonder why we would work on that presumption at all. I would guess that only a small percentage of people here understand gender to be binary. Certainly we cannot expect society to become more aware if we are not going to.

[Berinthia]

"Bobbie" is always taken, (he he), some of X-dressing appeal is why my sister has 200 pairs of shoes, psychologists are hired to read people's minds and see what clothing turns them on. It's not feminine or masculine, it's monetary. Women are miles ahead when it comes to fashion and clothes.
Before the Roman Empire went Christian, they didn't even have a word for "gay" I believe every ancient Greek statesman had a boyfriend, it was about HOW YOU HANDLED IT. There is some weird group-psychology rule that says the guy who ignores everybody else is called "leader"

[Nicki B]

I would guess that only a small percentage of people here understand gender to be binary.

Sadly, it often doesn't seem that way..