What we have here is a failure to communicate. In two days I have seen more quotes taken out of context, turned around, and misapplied than I did during all the presidential debates.Originally Posted by Melissa A.
Someone originally said he... she... whatever... has a "right" to be called however h/s/w wishes. MC pointed out that there is no such right. Someone else retorted that yuh-huh, is too. MC asked where in the Constitution this right is enumerated.
Do any of you folks understand what a "right" is? In a legal context, a right is something you have a written guarantee to expect, and when that right is not provided, you have the power of the courts to defend it. You have a right not to be enslaved, and if someone violates that right, you can get the courts to force the violator to comply and/or punish them for not complying. You have a right to move about freely within the country, to speak your mind verbally or in print, vote for whomever you wish... all of these rights are guaranteed in writing, and can be enforced if necessary.
You do NOT have a right to be addressed by the pronoun of your choice. You're perfectly free to wish people would do so, but they are also perfectly free to use a different pronoun if they feel it is more appropriate. No law enforcement agency in the country will punish that donut shop for using the wrong form of address.
Why is that so hard to understand?
Furthermore, while you certainly have a right to demand that people address you however you ask to be addressed... the key point in the original story is that NOBODY ASKED. The manager made a quick judgement call based on visual cues. If the OP had specifically said "I prefer to be called ma'am" and the manager still said "sir", I'd be on the dogpile agreeing the guy was being a jerk, but that didn't happen. Yet most of the folks here are so high on moral outrage you put words in his mouth, thoughts in his head, and crucify him for what you are sure he must have been thinking. Get over yourselves, will you?
If you're a guy, and you look like a guy, how about assume that someone calling you "sir" is just trying to be polite? And if you look like a guy in a dress, you're going to attract gawkers because whether you like it or not, you're an unusual sight. If someone walked in my donut shop juggling chainsaws I'd probably call to the back of the store for my friends to come look - not because I think the juggler is a freak or less than human or not deserving of respect, but because it's something you don't see every day. So what if the server called her friend to take a look? "Hey Bob, check it out - a guy at the counter is wearing a dress! AND juggling chainsaws!" If I were Bob, I'd be curious to take a peek too. Curiosity about the unusual is human nature.
It all comes down to whether you choose to be offended by not only obvious, deliberate insults but also every subtle, ambiguous signal that may or may not be intentional. Sure, call everyone a jerk who doesn't automatically know without being told how you prefer to be addressed. Boycott every store where your appearance as a guy in a dress draws stares. Fire off a stream of invective against everyone who fails to live up to your "unwritten code" of how to address various flavors of transgendered people.
Or just smile, enjoy life, and don't sweat the small stuff. I'd much rather go through life known as a cheerful guy who ignores the occasional snickering behind my back than a bitter tyrant with a hair-trigger temper who takes everything as a personal insult.
ralph
