wife needs a man

[christinek]

I am having a problem with the tables being turned on us part. This happens to us men everyday!

Look at women in general, when single they take care of themselves and wear nice things. Once married its jeans and a tee shirt and weight gain. I did not marry that but love her just the same. I married a sexy demur lady who is now a soccer mom. Heels and dresses are in the back of the closet and jeans, flipflops, sweatshirts up front and worn.

Women cross-dress everyday, don't wear makeup like a man, get short hair do's to make it easier like a man.

I understand the the sexual imagery part trust me all men do, as I look back at photos from 15 years ago we both look allot different and "LET GO". That is not sexy!

Ok my part here is to say you love the person and the heart not the clothes and physical appearance. If your relationship is one of skin and skin deep you are in trouble already and this will kill your relationship.

I love my wife very much and If something happened to her to change her physical appearance or disfigurement I would love her still.

[Sandra]

Women cross-dress everyday, don't wear makeup like a man, get short hair do's to make it easier like a man.

Oh please not that comment again. Look I don't crossdress, never have done and never will....and just because women don't wear makeup and have short hair does not mean they crossdress. :Angry3:

[christinek]

I don't know how difficult that is.

Women don't typically wear skirts or dresses anymore except to work, as soon as they get home the cloths come off.

OK so the jeans were tailored for women, so you have never cross-dressed. So then if "He" gets a dress from Suddenly Fem that is tailored to a man then that is also not cross-dressed?

[Cassiecd]

Yes dear, most of us can relate!

For me I could not hide anything from my wife. I cannot afford to lose her due to dishonesty. Yes, it is hard to come clean and tell her.....but for me it was the only path.

I am all man when she is home......for her and me. But I do have my girl time when she is out.

I hope u can make it work

[Sandra]

I don't know how difficult that is.

Women don't typically wear skirts or dresses anymore except to work, as soon as they get home the cloths come off.

OK so the jeans were tailored for women, so you have never cross-dressed. So then "He" get a dress from Suddenly Fem that is tailored to a man then that is also not cross-dressed?

To me it doesnt't matter where the clothes come from. If a person is wearing clothing normally associated with a person of their opposite gender, then they are cross dressed.

In today modern society clothing such as shirts and trousers are no longer deemed typical dress of either gender, however irrespective of the design of a skirt or dress it is associalted with the female gender, therefore a male wearing a dress is crossdressed.

Sorry if this is abit OT, but wanted to try and get a point across

[Lorileah]

Oh, this is so complicated, isn't it!

Yep :D

Having said that, there are general characteristics. I'm not making this up. There is a large literature of documentation about gender identity and gender characteristics.

There is large literature documentation on Big Foot and Aliens also. I don't think there is any definitive work on the brain function or size in gender. Otherwise the TS's here would be on a cake walk, MRI and doppler blood flow...yep you have a female brain in a man's body, we can "fix" that. And I can't buy that women are wired different yet (could be, if you know anything about neuroantomy, the wiring diagrams are messed up with crossing wires and switches). I have a small head so I probably have a small brain. Maybe that explains a lot about my ramblings but I don't think I am a girl in a guys body anymore. I am me :D. I buy the nurture part in how people react more than nature. The "rules" were set hundreds of years ago (in benefit of guys so they could hold power). But they aren't the best set of rules and evidently we need a 2/3rds majority to even bring said rules to the table. Honestly does it not make more sense to be a matriarchal society than a patriarchal one. You KNOW who your mother is. Daddy on the other hand could be many (not to get into moralistic things here, just biological). Not saying that we don't "rationalize" different, just saying we are taught to do that. Hard to prove because we don't get to pull children away from parents the day they are born and make groups who are exposed to different stimuli then compare data (I even bored myself there). That is why I think men can think like women and vice versa (not sure that is a good thing either).

I do think our actions, physical and emotional, send clues to those around us as to our gender identity, and the more we understand what is being perceived by others the better chance we have of fitting into the gender we are presenting.

I agree but still it is a learned behavior. Girls are taught to be girls boys are taught to be boys in most cases. Some of us either were allowed freedom to be who we are (my parents were like that even though I did not realize it at the time) or we rebel at a later date. I know plenty of women who display what was considered male behavior (especially on the road recently) and I find that rather attractive in an odd masochistic way

Bottom line, there are other modes of thought than just being a guy, and I want to learn what they are and be able to be comfortable in that environment. And that brings me back to the original thought of this thread. If you allow my premise that there are documented general modes of behavior for women in general, then there are general modes of behavior for men in general (again, there are exceptions, many of them). Thus, when a woman wants "her man", there are some expected norms. We guys don't have to slay the mastadon any more, but if we know our spouses well, we know what actions of ours comforts them, and I very much enjoy making my wife feel special and loved, as any gender!

You have learned well grasshopper. But as you point out that definition varies between women. Luckily I think we are attracted to women who we fit their definition of a man and vice versa. Otherwise the dating doesn't get far. To cross into another thread area on here, it is the fakeness and lying that gets us in trouble. Presenting as something we are not which of course we cannot sustain

[suchacutie]

Thank you for this thread!!!!

Ok, I will search the literature for documented biological differences in brain function between genetic men and woman. Now I do understand that even this has chromosomal issues, but I will look to document at least some of what is out there.

And, I totally agree with Lorileah that men and women can be taught to think in various patterns. The next time my wife smiles and says, "..now if you had spent your childhood as a girl, you would already know this..." I will smile back thinking of this thread (and other things).

I guess that in the long run since my goal is to be completely mentally functional as Tina, I'm not sure it matters if the thought patterns are learned or inate, as long as I can learn them. Rereading the give and take in this thread it occurs to me that we seem generally to be in the same camp. I am in a minority here in that I did NOT start dressing at an early age, and I was a fully indoctrinated male until just a few years ago, notwithstanding my daughter's comment when she saw my high-school yearbook picture: "Gee dad, today you'd be called a "pretty boy"". Hmmm...right.

Nonetheless, I'm looking at a huge learning curve of female ideas and knowledge! My wife has suggested that Tina is at least out of what would have been Tina's childhood concerning learned behavior, and seems to be at the adolescent stage. Just yesterday we were looking online at tops for her and she was specific about which type of sleeve she wanted in the top. I had to just shake my head to which she smiled and started to explain the differences of putting sleeves into tops! Sometimes she expects a bit too much of Tina's learning curve There is a lifetime of knowledge and experiences I'm trying to pack into as short a time as possible!

Ok, so why am I here typing and not studying????



tina

[christinek]

To me it doesnt't matter where the clothes come from. If a person is wearing clothing normally associated with a person of their opposite gender, then they are cross dressed.

In today modern society clothing such as shirts and trousers are no longer deemed typical dress of either gender, however irrespective of the design of a skirt or dress it is associalted with the female gender, therefore a male wearing a dress is crossdressed.

Sorry if this is abit OT, but wanted to try and get a point across

I think that is so BULL,

It has holes all thru it, its OK because society says so now "no longer deemed typical dress" and equality and all but OH wait you cant do it. If looking at the numbers on this forum we make up a bit of society. Who were the fashion police that decided this, oh wait it was women??

It just seems so one sided to me.

[sfwarbonnet]

At the barbershop last week, he noted that my wife's hair was syled more feminine. She said that her previous "scratch & go" style was because she was "the man in the house". Guess I'll let my hair grow so I have a unisex style that is appropriaie as either a "boy" or "girl"! so when she is sans bra & makeup and wearing the pants, I can wear a bra, makeup, and s dress!

[Lorileah]

In today modern society clothing such as shirts and trousers are no longer deemed typical dress of either gender, however irrespective of the design of a skirt or dress it is associalted with the female gender, therefore a male wearing a dress is crossdressed.

Please tell me you didn't really say that. Isn't that tantamount to "What's mine is mine and what's yours is mine also?" How would you have responded had someone 60 years ago said "women who wear slacks are crossdressers"? It was te way people thought back then. But women worked past that an made it as you say the norm. You are basically saying that men should not or cannot work toward that same goal?

Like I said before 40 years of working toward acceptance and tolerance shot down like a clay pigeon (Ok overtly masculine reference there)

[christinek]

Cheers Lorileah,

If you look at this forum women are our biggest critic and biggest hinderance in society. It is not other men. I keep seeing "my stuff thrown out, Tables switched, bait and switch" from the very part of our society that fought for equality and women's rights. Again over and over I see a very one sided mind on this.

I agree allot of pain and suffering has ensued on both sides and some are jerks about it and not considerate and tons of posts on how you make me feel. For some it is bad! But not for all. I do see allot of compassionate GG but geez. Again I hope your SO has more love for you than skin deep.

[Karen564]

Ok, Now I think I've seen everything!!!!

Let me get this straight, Your a man that Wants to dress as a Woman AND now wants to change your thought/thinking patterns to think like a Woman.????
Your not happy with just dressing up??

The only way your really going to accomplish this 100% is to get a brain transplant from a woman...
Sorry, it hasn't been done yet.. & never will...

There are some things in this life that just cant be done..

The best you'll be able to do is Mimic a Woman, and maybe look like a woman, but you will never BE a Woman..
Your Man with a Mans brain & a Mans Body

And you dont need to look up any documentation about women's behavior, just open your eyes and look around you, over 50% of the population are woman, cant get any more real-life data than that!!

I'm no Brain expert, but I know this,,,,,
The difference between a Male Brain & a Female Brain are a little more complicated than what your suggesting, there is a Biological/Neurological difference between the two, it's the same brain matter, but our brains function differently because of the way were wired & the chemistry/hormones within in it that make it function differently..
True, there are certain things that are a learned behaviour due to the social environmental upbringing, but most of that is just a reinforced behaviour, it really does come very natural based on your brain gender..
Of course some boys are more effeminate, and some girls are tomboys..

As an example, I am a MTF TS, I was born a male & brought up as a male to do male things, yet my brain always had a conflict within it telling me this was just all wrong for me, why is that??, well, because I was born with more of a females brain, rather than a males brain, and because of that, I had suffered my entire life as long as I can remember living with conflict, confusion, depression, you name it, because none of that male upbringing came natural, it was all a learned behaviour for me, and when I did or said what was considered something a girl would normally say or do because it felt like the more natural thing to do, I was quickly corrected/aligned either by my parents and or peers to stop that behaviour and do something to match my gender as a male.
When it came to my puberty, it was like a living h e ll for me, because that's when I saw the girls developing & not me, leaving me feeling stuck in the wrong body at that point gave me severe depression..
It goes on & on..
In short, I wouldn't wish this on anyone!!!, and just wish I was born with a males brain to match my male body..

But I have no choice, I need to change my body to align with my brain, because I can not change my brain..

So it rather boggles my mind why anyone would purposely want to act or emulate the opposite gender they were born as if they are content with their born gender enough not to physically change it to the other..
Just as I find it strange why any GG would want there man not be a man, I just find it a bit strange..

Personally, I think many woman here just tolerate their mans need to play dress up, and if there man stopped dressing, it would be fine by them..I seriously doubt they would want a divorce because their husband voluntarily stopped CDing...
I spoke up on this thread only to support KayC, because I thought it was ridiculous for her to have to try to explain herself why she would want a man to look, smell, act like a man if that's what she wanted to be intimate with a man, just because she was not attracted to the same gender & she is a hetero woman, and happens to be attracted to men, not other girls, is not a bad thing in my book, so I saw nothing wrong with that,,
I only see it as normal biological behaviour, such as opposite gender attraction..

How many Male CDers would honestly like it if there wives CD'd in the bedroom before any intimacy??? Would you have the same feelings & attraction to her dressed as a guy in bed??? Just put the shoe on the other foot & think about it..I mean Really think about it..honestly..

Anyway, good luck to all that want to learn how to think like a woman, let me know how you make out with that..

This is just my point of view, and not meant to be disrespectful to anyone here in any way..

My apologies for the long post..

[StephanieH]

[SIZE="3"]To the point of the original post, welcome aboard, you're among friends. If I were in your heels, I wouldn't be so much concerned with how she'll react to what you tell her as to what she's going to think about you NOT having told her this before.

No one likes to find out their spouse has been keeping secrets, especially one this big and for that long a period of time. I think she's going to have a much bigger problem worrying why you didn't tell her before now than she is about the fact that you like to dress up in frilly things. It's human nature to suspect the worst, and most ladies don't do a lot of research into our little peculiarity until they're pressed to do so.

Definitely tell her, in my opinion, and be as open as possible about why you haven't told her already. Give her room, get her some reading material, and be ready to reassure her that you're still you. She's known you and loved you all these years, it's not like you're suggesting a sex change operation or have done something crazy like becoming an Amway salesman. If she loves you, she isn't going to throw you out, she's just going to be confused for a little while.

My wife studied on the matter for about six months and I worked with her, talking a lot, getting her some books, and letting her read stuff here. She came to embrace this side of me and we both quite enjoy it now. I am the same man she married 95% of the time (only w/panties) and 5% of the time I get to dress and be Randi. Both ways, I'm still her husband and we still enjoy a fantastic relationship. It pays major dividends to be honest, so go for it. If she finds out on her on later, from what I've read here though the years, that seldom ends well.

Good luck and God bless! [/SIZE]

[lucytv2003]

I'm in my early thirties and am really just posting to get this out of my system. After a few serious relationships with women and twenty years of CDing, I can admit to myself that the urge to be a girl is just too strong for a healthy relationship with a woman to be feasible. Maybe some people can make it work, but I doubt I could, and I would rather not cause the kind of hurt and emotional carnage that a failed attempt would create. The one time I had a girlfriend who was accepting, at first I was ecstatic, but then it started to fade and I realised that while she was accepting, the surprising thing for me was that I actually wasn't. I didn't want her to have to 'tolerate' that side of me. Deep down, she wanted a man and it tired me out to meet that expectation. (Maybe it's too much information, but Even the act of having sex reinforced my own masculinity in my mind, and required a lot of concentration.

Being my feminine self is so much less exhausting. I can think straight. I enjoy just going for walks or going to bars and clubs and dancing, or shopping and just being me. While I'm sure I could find a girl who would 'tolerate' that side of me as some kind of fetish, it isn't a fetish at all. Sooner or later, she'd begin to question what was more important to me - being a girl or being a boyfriend. She wouldn't get the answer she wants. The same goes for being a husband or being a father. They'd only be superficial roles that I'd be maintaining so that I could live a 'normal' life, but the strain beneath the mask would be so intense I don't even want to imagine it. Having to hide this, or keep it for special permitted occasions would drive me insane. The odd thing is, living alone, knowing I can do this whenever I like - I actually do it less.

I'm single and fairly solvent, so I'll probably invest in facial feminisation surgery next year, when I'm off work for a few months. I'll have just enough work done to make me androgynous enough to live in both worlds - male at work and female at play. Not perfection. Just enough so that I can go shopping in daylight and not be read, then go out on public transport to a nightclub without getting rude comments.

As an example of how powerful this side of me really is: When I was in my teens, I fell in love with a very feminine, intelligent girl I was 'good friends' with - but who wanted nothing to do with me 'in that way'. At the time I obsessed over her and thought about her many times over the years. I dated girls that reminded me of her, and sometimes used to dream we were together. To my great surprise, she recently got in touch again. She seemed quite interested in me all of a sudden, now that we had both matured and I was a fairly good-looking, successful man. I had fantasised about that for years when I was an awkward, ugly teenager, even practised what I would say to her if she ever came to me when we were adults. So I had to make a decision whether to pursue it or not, and in the end I decided to let it go. I just ignored her calls and never spoke to her again.

[Lorileah]

Ok, Now I think I've seen everything!!!!

Let me get this straight, Your a man that Wants to dress as a Woman AND now wants to change your thought/thinking patterns to think like a Woman.????
Your not happy with just dressing up??

and with that pious and self righteous comment, I am done here. Not being a TS there is no way I could ever understand female brain function :brolleyes:

[suchacutie]

ah....was that meant to be a joke?

Do you think that my feminine self, Tina, is just a facade? Do you really think she is something I hang clothes and makeup upon? Do you really think that a semi-intelligent human being cannot learn what is not initially hard-wired into the brain? And, how can you be so sure that both sides are not wired into my brain (my wife actually thinks they are, meanwhile).

Tina is very important. She is a piece of femininity that I could not have imagined was there only a few short years ago. Yes, looking back there were signs, but I chose not to see them. When I transition to her, it is her. While being Tina, if my male-self life intrudes, it is a shock and one that takes a few minutes to flush away again so that I can get back to her. I don't mix my two selves and really don't wish to. But to tell me that I can't live on both sides of the gender barrier in all seriousness and commitment is just outrageous.

Having said that, I guess we have proven the point of this thread. There really is a difference in the general approach to life of the two genders. Those of us who wish to remain in a marriage/relationship that was consecrated as one male and one female certainly need to be aware of these potential gender-based issues. Whether we want them to be there or not, they are the elephant in the room, and will come to find us if we don't find them first and deal with them appropriately. Considering how strong a part Tina is for me, I fully realize just how potentially difficult it can be.

my last word in this thread.

tina

[Allsteamedup]

Well KayC you tried very hard to explain. Thanks for that. It surprised me that you were expected to understand an alternative viewpoint, but that yours was not accepted at all.
When your partner is fully dressed with all the trimmings your perception of them is altered. They may not like it that way, but that's how many of us feel. When they then dress as a man it doesn't mean that you see them as a man straightaway. It's often an uncomfortable place to be.
When we put on our clothes it's not a peformance. All we do is get dressed, do our hair and skincare and a little appropriate makeup. It doesn't take hours and we are ready for our roles- mom, nurse, secretary, helper, visitor, shopper, whatever. We are recognisable as who we are, not pretending to be somebody else.
A man dressed up as a woman is not a man. Sorry. Uncomfortable truth.
Then you dress back and still smell of woman- make-up remover, perfume etc.
A man, your man, has a particular smile and gestures. It just doesn't work when you are 'dressed'.
Any clearer?

[Karen564]

ah....was that meant to be a joke?

No joke was intended..


I really dont care what either you or Tina does, it has no relevance in my life..

But it does sound like Tina may become a problem if she gets any stronger..and before you know it, you may find yourself on hormones & in the TS section one day..

[suchacutie]

Karen,

I assume you mean well, so I will take your thoughts as being in my best interest.

Having said that, those who have seen my posts here understand that I enjoy being male. What I'm beginning to understand is that the femininity that is Tina is intense. I have two intense parts. Now that I'm saying it in this way, I'm much less surprised.

I happen to be an intense person. I move from one intensity to another in life. I am a rather accomplished (most of the time) amateur violinist and while I'm in performanance there is no other profession on the planet. Most of the time I am a chemist and intensely involved in my research and teaching. At home we have a massive garden, heat with wood (we're in the northeast), and the list just goes on and on. Now Tina has arrived. One more intensity, but an important one. Will I compromise my maleness? No. I made a commitment to my wife 37 years ago and I will keep it...and I enjoy keeping it!

So, thank you for the warning, and I will take it to heart. Tina will likely grow stronger, at least until we understand her. Then she may grow weaker...I have no idea...but that's ok.

I hope that your journey will be equally rewarding.

tina

p.s. okok so this is my postscript last word

[KayC]

All steamed up,
I'm not sure I entirely agree with:
"A man dressed up as a woman is not a man. Sorry. Uncomfortable truth.
Then you dress back and still smell of woman- make-up remover, perfume etc.
A man, your man, has a particular smile and gestures. It just doesn't work when you are 'dressed'."
BTW, if you find that my viewpoint seems to change from week to week...that's because it is...I am learning and changing it seems daily.
It has been less than two months since I realized my SO is a CDer...by that time we already had plans to marry. I was in shock at first, but he directed me here shortly and I began reading, reading, reading. Little by little as all of you began to educate me, I found my entire thinking changing, not only to one of acceptance, but to full embrace. However...he doesn't seem to be accepting his own CDing...he's only "dressed" three times on Halloween each time. I'm convinced he is a CDer for a number of reasons. But it seems like the closer I embraced him/her in their entirety...the further he pulled her back. He has not let me see her dressed, he's only shown me pictures. I tried to get him to let me make him up yesterday and he abruptly pulled back. So many of you say you want supportive GGs...well I am one but for all the good it seems to be! I realize I have to let him deal with his issues and acceptance in his own time frame...I've tried my best to let him know he's safe with me and I want him to be healthy, happy, and whole...but now it's up to him. I want very much to meet "her", I almost envy all of those who get to share in this with their mate...but I'm excluded.
I guess what was once a real concern of mine...that of being attracted to him while he looked like a her, isn't much of an issue with me anymore...I think I'd just welcome the opportunity to see how it goes.

Thank you all for your posts, you've all been very open and candid, I realize this is a touchy subject for so many, and it makes me appreciate your openness all the more!

PS...when all is said and done, my SO is the most wonderful person in the world...I am so glad I found this site, it has taught me above all, that it's not the gender that is the most important thing, but the person inside. It's kind of ironic though...I hear so much talk about clothing, makeup, nails, heels, wigs, etc...all of the trappings, yet really, as discussed in another thread, femininity is more about interaction and who we are than the clothes we wear...although when we feel feminine, it seems to make us more apt to want to wear girly things.

[Sandra]

I think that is so BULL,

It has holes all thru it, its OK because society says so now "no longer deemed typical dress" and equality and all but OH wait you cant do it. If looking at the numbers on this forum we make up a bit of society. Who were the fashion police that decided this, oh wait it was women??

It just seems so one sided to me.

Please tell me you didn't really say that. Isn't that tantamount to "What's mine is mine and what's yours is mine also?" How would you have responded had someone 60 years ago said "women who wear slacks are crossdressers"? It was te way people thought back then. But women worked past that an made it as you say the norm. You are basically saying that men should not or cannot work toward that same goal?

Like I said before 40 years of working toward acceptance and tolerance shot down like a clay pigeon (Ok overtly masculine reference there)

You know what I'll just shut the f***up shall I because as usual on here if a GG responed she's shot down

I do see allot of compassionate GG but geez. Again I hope your SO has more love for you than skin deep.

If you are refering to my SO then I will let her come here and answer that


I'm done with the lot of you :Angry3: :Angry3:

[Deborah Jane]

Who were the fashion police that decided this, oh wait it was women??

No!!!
Strangely enough these rules were put in place by men over generations, not by women who for many years had no say in how our society was run. Women earned the right to dress as they please by fighting against these rules, in the same way that we could if some of us weren't so bloody paranoid about what other people would say. [And yes I include myself in that statement]
If we were to make a stand and fight for what we want, then maybe, just maybe, we could go out dressed however we please. But if all we are going to do is argue among ourselves on the internet, we won't get anywhere and deserve to be trapped imprisoned in our own closets!!

The fight for our freedom will not be won from behind a computer, so I along with many others are getting out there and saying......

This is who I am, I have the right to dress as I please, it is not illegal and if you don't like it....Tough!!

Yes it's scary, yes I know the consequences, but I also refuse to be trapped for the rest of my life unable and too scared to be myself!!

[Sheila]

I think that is so BULL,

you have the right to your thoughts just as the rest of us do

It has holes all thru it, its OK because society says so now "no longer deemed typical dress" and equality and all but OH wait you cant do it. If looking at the numbers on this forum we make up a bit of society.

yeah your right you do make up a portion of society, so if you want society to change damn well get out there, make yourself visible as a TG person every day as Sandra's Partner does, she dresses in her gender role 24/7 and has done for several years, she got her current employment in her gender dress and holds it that way, "SHE" IS PUTTING HER MONEY WHERE HER MOUTH IS, she is fighting daily for equality in every way by being who she is and not hiding behind a door whining about lack of opportunity & bias against the TG commonity "WAY TO GO NIGELLA"

Who were the fashion police that decided this, oh wait it was women?? It just seems so one sided to me.

No I think you will find for decades males controlled what women wore and even today many many of the designers are male, there by "controlling" what is deemed to be fashion on a seasonal basis, but the majority design for women .. again "control" by male over women all be it by default

If you look at this forum women are our biggest critic and biggest hindrance in society. It is not other men.

Then try looking in the real world and I think you will find it is males who are your biggest Critics and threat, and whom most of you fear, many tales on here are about telling female relatives first not male why is that I wonder ? maybe cos we are approachable, compassionate and understanding, and maybe because you are looking for allies when it comes to telling the male members of your families and circles did you not think of that. Take your rose tinted glasses off and go look at the world in reality:Angry3::Angry3:

I keep seeing "my stuff thrown out, Tables switched, bait and switch" from the very part of our society that fought for equality and women's rights. Again over and over I see a very one sided mind on this.

Owwwwww so you don't see the "I just found out my husband crossdresses after X amount of married years, you don't see the heartbreaking calls for help from the newbies trying to come to terms with this, you don't see the mess the pink fog makes to relationships, the changes to who and what we can talk about with all this, you don't see the struggle these newbies have to come to terms with the fact that their partner lied to them for all those years, you don't see their pain ........... you blind self centered moron:Angry3::Angry3::Angry3:

I agree allot of pain and suffering has ensued on both sides and some are jerks about it and not considerate and tons of posts on how you make me feel. For some it is bad! But not for all. I do see allot of compassionate GG but geez. Again I hope your SO has more love for you than skin deep.

Listen, they as a couple have buckets of love, compassion and immense respect for each other, they are two of the nicest people in the world, both are approachable, both will go out of their way to help anybody with anything at anytime, not just in the wide world, but they do so much as individuals and a couple for this community ................ they took me and my Ex under their wings 4 long years ago, met up with us and despite my ex and I separating they and I have remained friends, in fact more than that, Sandra, I consider my little Sis & by default Nigella, my little sis-in-law, don't you damn well dare attack two peeps who do as much for this community as
they do.

[TSchapes]

I can't believe the direction this thread took.

Anyway Pernille, she says she wants a man. And as cross-dressers we have to be sensitive to that point. If we are going to dress 24/7 you would run into a problem. But if you listen to your wife and negotiate as to when and where you can express your feminine side, you should be able to come out to her and share this side to her.

You worry about being selfish, but aren't you also being selfish by keeping Pernille away from her. :2c:

I know you will be able to tell her and as far as I am concerned all TG people should tell the people closest to them. IMHO.

-Tracy

[Karen564]

Karen,

I assume you mean well, so I will take your thoughts as being in my best interest.

Yes Tina,
I did mean well, I always have, even though some may not be able to see it that way, sometimes the pink fog their in gets a bit to thick around them to see through it..
I'm a realist, and try to keep it real without lots of fluff, the world can be very cold & cruel at times, so sometimes I step in to bring it back down to reality before they hurt themselves, but most importantly, not hurt the others around them, but I have never forced anyone to do or not do as they want to, everyone has their own personal reasons..
I didn't come here with in intent to hurt anyone's feelings or judge anyone for what they do, nor force my thoughts down their throats, I know I dont like it when people do that to me, but sometimes words get crossed or people misinterpret what was written which I have no control over ..

I can fully relate to what your saying about being intense, I'm the same way & seems to be common trait among most of us here, although I call it compulsive behaviour & allows us to excel at what were doing at the time..

I was was with the same woman for 26 years, 20 of those in marriage, and have two teenage daughters that still love me very much, so I also know about commitment & also about living in two genders at the same time, I never broke my vows, she did, but in the end am much happier for it..

Peace & Best Wishes..

Hopefully, this thread can now get back on tract..