Why "come out'?

[sherri]

While this may be true to a certain extent...coming out whether it be before or after the fact is basically going to be a crap shoot. Some people are going to accept it...some won't. Being up front and honest isn't going to guarantee a happy ending. What it will guarantee is fairness. It gives the other person the opportunity to freely choose whether or not this is something that they can live with. Whether you see it as fair or unfair and whether people agree or disagree with you is a moot point. people are going to make up their minds and in a lot of cases they are going to stick to their convictions. You can sit people down and educate them until the cows come home, and they may be convinced that there is in fact nothing wrong with it, but still have the opinion that this isn't something that they want in their lives. No one ever said that life is fair, and the chips are going to fall where they may.

Now there's a practical, realistic take on things that sounds like nothin' but the truth, honey.

And I'm not just saying that cuz you're drop-dead omg gorgeous. :D

[Raychel]

Well the reason that I am thinking about coming out is. I am 50 years old and sick of only getting to dress when no one is around. My wife asked me the other day if I would ever step out of the closet. That got me thinking.

[Sally24]

For most of us, crossdressing is sexually driven. It's part of our sex life.

I think if you look at the polls here you will find that isn't true. At best it's 50/50. My feeling is the great majority of CDs are TG.

For the truth and honesty crowd, do you tell a new girlfriend about all the women you've been to bed with, in order to "get it all out in the open"? Of course not. So why the need to tell them about your crossdressing?

Those other women aren't still lurking inside your closet waiting to jump out and surprise her. If you're planning a long term relationship, it's best to not hide things. That's what SO's find the most distasteful, the lies.

Do whatever you want. There's a whole squad of "truthers" here, who will "be here for you". It won't be much comfort when the little woman files for divorce, and you're looking for a place to live.

Your whole post has quite the cheery attitude. I'm sorry if you've gotten burned in the past somewhere but lets have a constructive discussion about things without casting shadows on others!

[Angie G]

For almost all them reasons I came out to my wife. Now I can dress mostly when i please.I feel no big need to get out and about I make not a good looking woman.I am a ease as thing are and nave no wish to change that.
Angie

[Sally24]

I'm not sure why some of us object so strongly to the term "ruined her life" that I have used. Allow me to explain:

He cheated on his wife and screwed up. What should he have done? Given up his mistress? Certainly. Impossible to do so?

Now, tell that same story, but substitute CD'ing for that high school girlfriend. As far as the wife is concerned, there is no difference. Yet the CD himself doesn't see it that way, and we are all ready to extend him a helping hand and pat him on the back for "being himself" and "being honest".

Unfortunetly in the first case of the mistress the damage to the wife is the actual act of cheating on her, not so much the secrecy.

In the second case, most women proffess that it is the secrecy and lying that damages the relationship, not the actual CDing. Also, men aren't inately adulterers, that certainly is a "choice". If you are TG, you can chose not to dress, but you're still a CD, just not practicing. That comes with its own set of problems.

While I know that telling a spouce after years in a relationship is fraught with danger, I still vote for it over keeping secrets. Of course the ideal is to tell them at the beginning of the relationship. That's what I did and it was the best decision of my life! I would not be here today if I had tried to suprress this my whole life.

[sfwarbonnet]

The majority of the replies here suggest coming out of the closet to be yourself and to accept the potential loss of family and friends. I would argue that one who is not unhappy in the closet should stay there. The risk of losing family is just unacceptable. My wife doesn’t want me impersonating a female (no bra when I’m with her). She bought me many of my femme clothes and said to wear whatever I want at home, so I usually wear sheer support pantyhose and a slip uncovered here in the evening, but I underdress when we go out. I keep pushng her limits (& my comfort zone) and want to eventually appear in public en femme, but it will need to be on a trip to minimize the odds of being recognized and I will need an excuse (such as a costume contest) to get a transformation and appear with her in public as a woman.

[sarahcross]

I did because i knew the person i was telling would support me in it and if i felt embarasses buying things she would buy them for me. And so when I talk to her she would know she is talking to sarah.

[jenna_woods]

are we talking about comeing our or going out????

[sfwarbonnet]

are we talking about comeing our or going out????

I thought this thread was about "should you admit to crossdressing" rather than "should you go out and about en femme"

[MissAmy]

I soon want to come out to my mom so I don't have to hide it at home. Plus I want to keep a stand for my wig rather it being tossed in a trunk.

[Amanda Styles]

Dressing up might relieve your stress and improve your marriage - but if your wife finds out, that might destroy it. No two situations are alike.

I think that secrecy and dishonesty will hurt a relationship as much, if not more than dressing up.
I think coming out for me is an affirmation of my desires and hope that it will help me be more accepting of myself.
Society tells us it is wrong to do what we do. I have dealt with guilt over crossdressing for most of my life and perhaps "coming out" will help me resolve that conflict.

[Blaire]

You have absolutely no choice in coming out to your SO. Its only right.

Coming out to your kids is then a mutual decision. I mean, they'll find out anyway eventually somehow, so you may as well control the engagement..


Other family, friends, co-workers - that's totally up to you, and you can or not at your choice. Depends on how "out" you want to be.