I only started really coming to terms with this aspect of me within the past year or so. Up until then I worked hard to ignore and/or bury deep what society and my church told me (not directly) was wrong, was a bad choice I was making, was somehow broken.
But I'm not broken. This past year alone I've felt more alive than in forty f-...er...forty-some-odd years of living before. There are struggles, there are fires and floods, but on the whole I'm in a much better mental place than I was at before.
Because this year I sort of stepped back and realized I am how God made me, and if I can't accept that then I'll never--ever--be happy. So I said those words to myself that I had always known but could never admit..."I like wearing women's clothes", and a weight lifted. And since then I've realized it's not just the clothes I like, it's this whole feminine side of myself I had never admitted to before.
I'm happier expressing myself as a female...not because I'm not supposed to be male, but because I find I can be more open and honest about things. I LIKE a pretty dress, but if I oohh and ahh over one as a male, I get funny looks. No, I'm only allowed to say things like "That's nice", or maybe stretch it to "That's a pretty dress", but sometimes a dress isn't just pretty, it's GORGEOUS!And could a guy get away with talking about his uber-cute silver heels? Not usually!
And the more I find support and acceptance in the world (especially places like CD.com), the more comfortable I get in my own head. I like the idea that I'm not alone.
