Most common reason for failing to pass

[kellycan27]

I'm not sure what the situation is among TSs. I know that the goal for some is to go stealth, but I don't know whether this is desired in order to live peacefully in a biased society, or if going stealth fulfills the very deep need to finally have a body that matches the gender.either both, or it probably depends on the TS?.

Reine

You nailed it for me, though I am not of the opinion that society is biased to the point of distraction for me personally. (Not something I worry about) More, that it isn't anybody's business but my own ( and my SO's). I don't have an issue with people finding out, but I am not going to hang a sign around my neck, or march up and down the block waving a flag.

Kel

[Mirani]

I always "pass" when no one is looking.
For the majority of the time most people are just getting on with their lives and don't look.
I spend 24/7 en femme. I don't know the difference between "passing" and people not reacting.
I am sure many people I interact with realise I am "different". However who knows what is going on in their minds?
Forgive the labels, but I have been told that quite a few people believe I am pre or post op TS so relate to me as a woman.
Brighton is quite cosmopolitan and someone like me is not VERY unusual.
Elsewhere, I feel I am treated as I present - I just don't know or care what they are thinking.
Occasionally I have been "congratulated" for being brave - I guess I didn't "pass" on those occasions.
My SO is a great coach. If I slip up, she reminds me "walk from the hips"; "break a piece off the sandwich, dont take a bite"; "try not to stand so solidly" (I know what she means); "don't pick your nose at the traffic lights" (our little joke ), and finally "you need a shave sweetheart!"
A coach (or wing gal) is worth so much!

[Kaitlyn Michele]

OK, then I misread your post. It just seemed so condescending.

One of the issues, and I do NOT understand this well so please bear with me, is the different goals that TGs have and this is further complicated by where they are along the gender continuum (if there is such a thing).

I'm not sure if you agree with this or not, but there is a standard joke floating around about the difference between a TS and a CD being several years. Yes, some CDs are latent TSs, but there are lots of CDs who identify as men who are also feminine, or they identify as bi-gendered, and they have no wish to take hormones nor do they wish to transition. There are some CDs who want to pass, and others for whom it is not a priority. They are quite happy being seen as a transperson, as long as they are respected. There are some CDs who look at the CDing as a fun hobby and who are OK with just floating around TG safe areas, while for others it is deeper. Most CDs just want to be taken seriously and of course they want to be safe. Blending in is also a way to minimize danger by staying outside of the transphobics' radars. There are even some (although rarer) CDs who just want to wear skirts and they are happy identifying as a guy in a dress.

I'm not sure what the situation is among TSs. I know that the goal for some is to go stealth, but I don't know whether this is desired in order to live peacefully in a biased society, or if going stealth fulfills the very deep need to finally have a body that matches the gender. It is either both, or it probably depends on the TS? Yet I know others for whom being taken consistently as a GG will not happen because of their physiognomy and the age at which they transitioned, and they have come to terms with not going stealth. They've developed a tough skin, they've forged on with their lives, and they don't care what others think.

So you see there is a vast array of motives and needs and a very wide spectrum in terms of the desired presentation. Not everyone wants to wear the latest fashion, and lots of others just want to wear mini-skirts, fishnets, and stilettos.

Hi Reine.

I am one of those cliches...i spent time with men that crossdress and I knew I was different...just like I know I'm different from men that don't crossdress.

As a full timer, I think it might be difficult for a non fulltimer to feel how important "passing" is to me...i can't take it off, if i don't pass, then I suffer, and i can't go home and say F-it, that sucked, and go back to being a guy.

I have a hard time putting it behind me...just like any woman that was mistaken for a guy would...its not just a "fail" if i'm read as a man...it feels like a knife in my heart...\

I dont really have the stealth option...so I try to be as womanly as possible and my realistic goal is to make sure that when I am assumed to be a genetic male, that my presentation makes it impossible to think of me as male, even if you know I'm trans......its the best i can do...

and I beleive that's why some TS women get frustrated at the part of the CD group that is flamboyant and extreme in their presentation...it is totally and completely OK to want to be seen, and we all should be supported for who we are...but it does impact me directly..like it or not, i don't think 5 inch stilettos and mini skirts are gonna go over well on the Atlantic City boardwalk
If thats what you like then I say more power to you and go for it, but pls don't get down on me when I say that it reflects on me when I don't pass.
If I don't pass, I still want the chance to be accepted as a woman..and if you are flaunting your dual nature, then you probably don't care.
and its why some TS folk leave their CD friends behind (which is a shame)

BTW
If its so incredibly important to you to "pass" , you may need to ask yourself why that is....


and that goes to OP's question...if you spend your life as a male, and then emulate your female side, its just so hard for most of us to go back and forth...practice makes perfect...and being read as a genetic female is a sum of the parts type of thing...this is especially true for the voice...its pretty amazing how different m and f voices can be...and I have friends that claim to have passable voices and I am just happy for them that they beleive that!!

all the best
kate