Gone down an unexpected path?

[Super Amanda]

I never thought I was thick-skulled, but all this makes me wonder, haha.

Heehee See, you really know these answers when you put the pieces together, we all do. I believe that all of us can get past the confusion when we can look unbiased at ourselves, which is difficult,but possible.

BTW, luv your avatar pic! Very pretty!

[Empress Lainie]

No, you don't always know if you are gay. I've spent 25 years of my life thinking I was straight and accepting the awkwardness of being with women as normal... I couldn't even fathom the idea that I might be gay despite the numerous (and fairly obvious) hints throughout my life.

Here I am... 25... and I like men.

It's not something you decide, and it's there your entire life. Some people accept it early on. Other people, like me, do a damn good job of repressing it.

Very similar to my story about my transexuality. I never had a clue for 72yrs but people around me seemed to know. One said recently to another friend that I was the most feminine man she had ever met. I have always been attracted to women, but I think I am actually bi, since the idea of sex with a man does not freak me out.

[Rebecca W.]

I agree with Miranda on showing her this site. If more people viewed the feelings of crossdressers they would understand how we feel when dressed.

[Stephanie-L]

As others here have said, there are a number of things to think about.
Are you gay? Only you can answer that, and maybe not even you, yet. I knew I was bi in my early twenties, but supressed it until then. Are you TG/TS? Again, you may not be able to answer that yet. I thought I was "just" a CD until about 10 years ago, then I started thinking about breast augmentation, hormones, living full time, etc. Now I am to the point that if it was a possibility I would even consider SRS, who knows how I will feel in 5 more years. One thing you and your GF need to consider is the therapist's background. If he is a religion based type, or is one of those who believe you can "cure" someone of being gay or TG, then you are going to get grief as long as she sees him.
To sum it all up, does she need to be worried? Maybe. Are you going to turn gay? No. Might you some day decide that you really are gay or bi? Maybe. It sounds like if you are going to get serious, and 5 months is a bit early to think that, you both need to get into some therapy, together, and with a different person who is used to dealing with TG issues. Anyway, these are just my thoughts from my experience, many of the other posts also have great advice. Good luck to both of you......Stephanie

[Joanne f]

If you get on well together maybe the best idea would be to just enjoy what you have together now and don`t worry about what might or might not happen in ten years time as many things can happen that we do not plan for .

[kimdl93]

i would point out to your GF that the majority of CDer are heterosexual, maintain committed lifelong relationships, and relatively few chose to move beyond that. She's dealing with a whole range of fears....maybe she also needs to consider some of the genuine benefits of being in a relationship with a CDer. There are lots of such "lists" some partially in jest, but still lots of real values in us.

I would put foremost among them, that we are by our nature much more attuned to our feminine side, and if we're not overly self indulgent...we can be much more emotionally intelligent than the average male.

[Sarah Doepner]

My wife believed me when I told her I was a crossdresser, didn't want to transition and wasn't gay. That was quite a while ago and both she and I still believe it to be true. Okay, so she doesn't want to come here to read our take on things and that's fine. She could attend a local support group with your or work with a qualified counselor. Be careful about the counselor picked because it seems some are better prepared than others.

[StarrOfDelite]

But surely from the beginning you felt something was different about you? I mean, back when I was a young confused teen, I thought my dressing might mean I was gay, so I tried to fantasize about being with a guy, but even in the privacy of my fantasies I just couldn't.

Even now, I feel like If I were attracted to men, people would understand (in their own ways...) my desire to transition more. Like my ex still can't wrap her mind around me wanting to be a woman, but not being attracted to men.

It is not at all necessary to feel there is something "different" from "the beginning' for a person to wind up being bisexual or gay. If you think about it a bit, you might even realize that some people might consider that statement to be a bit offensive.

Just from observing the every day world about me, I would guess that a desire to dress in female garb would be much more likely to make a person feel "different" than curiosity and interest in male bodies. Children learn very little about sexuality until age 9 or 10 at the earliest, whereas we are taught very early that women wear dresses and men wear pants. The symbols for mens' and womens' restrooms are proof of that.

Regarding your statement about people might understand your desire to transition more if you were attracted to men, I can sympathize with that. The common perception remains that all CD/TV males are "sissy' homosexuals.

However, regarding the original post, I should observe that although the main concern expressed by the poster's girlfriend is of eventual bisexuality, one of the most common complaints of women married to heterosexual crossdressing men is that they feel like their husbands are cheating with another woman, the feminine side of their personalities.

[Cathytg]

Oh, dear. I can imagine any high profile person coming out and saying "I am not gay." Immediately the world assumes that he is gay. This sounds like what happened with your wife and the counselor's not-very-bright comment. I guess you will have to let time heal that one although you can certainly show her your hetero life history and let her witness the truth of it.

Regarding your other question: no, I have never gone beyond what I envisioned for myself. But, then, I always knew who I was.

[kimdl93]

I gave some additional thought to your questions. I would say, as a basic rule - never say never, but at the same time, I believe that at 28 you probably have a pretty good idea of whether or not you might be bisexual or gay. I knew this of myself from late teens onward, although I haven't taken advantage of several opportunities to confirm it.

On the second part, again at 28 you may not know yourself entirely, but I think you may have a pretty good idea of whether you are a girl in a guy's body, or a guy who likes feeling female. I have always felt more the former, although again, I have not plans after all these years to go beyond dressing in RL.

That doesn't mean you won't want to go beyond occasional dressing to dressing on a more regular basis...or as some people on this site have experienced - the interest in dressing may diminish...its all a personal thing. And neither direction is right or wrong.

[PetiteDuality]

If you were gay, you'd already know.

Crossdressing can't make you gay. Although some toys from your youth might have done so:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jM4zvChNFKc

[kimdl93]

If you were gay, you'd already know.

Crossdressing can't make you gay. Although some toys from your youth might have done so:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jM4zvChNFKc

and on "redirect", I would like to stipulate that enjoying certain sexual practices does not mean you're "gay" either. Of course, Gore Vidal said "there is no homosexuality, only homosexual acts."

[Rianna Humble]

I am wondering if any one has spent most of there life (28 years) dressing or thinking about it, and when you were able to really do your own thing ended up taking it farther (what ever that means to you) than you ever thought you would.

No, I can't say I have spent 28 years dressing or thinking about it. I did spend 53 years intermittently dressing in between denying what I always knew was true. In fact one of my earliest memories is of dreaming about the day I would get married as a woman, but then a religious group messed with my understanding and made me think it was "sinful"

Now that I am able to do my own thing, I have definitely taken it farther than I had envisaged a year ago. At that point, I was determined to be "a bloke in a skirt" I didn't want to wear other feminine clothes, neither did I want to pamper myself, paint my nails or anything like that, and I certainly did not intend to come out at work.

Fas forward to today, I am out at work and now wear female clothing to work 3 days a week (the other 4 will only become possible after I make it official and see the doctors, trick cyclists etc.). I am rarely without some feminine garment and almost always wear nail polish. I travel to and from work en femme, and it hurts every time I have to cross-dress as a bloke.

I am starting to realise that for all my prior denial, I am a woman trapped in a man's body. Will that eventually lead me to SRS? Only time will tell. Do I need to go further than I have to preserve my sanity? Yes.

[Bree-asaurus]

If you were gay, you'd already know.

Crossdressing can't make you gay. Although some toys from your youth might have done so:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jM4zvChNFKc

Well that rules out the influence of toys for me. I didn't have a single one of those!

Oh my god that Oozinator commercial was hilarious though... almost like it was intentionally gay!