Quote Originally Posted by Stefia S View Post
Thank you for your responses! I realize a bit more background would be helpful. Early in our relationship, I let my wife know that I crossdressed occasionally (at that time I never went out in public); she was surprised, pretty much chose not to learn more, and to move on with our relationship. I stopped crossdressing once we moved in together and purged my clothes when we got married, so I had stopped crossdressing for about 20 years. It's only been in the last year that I started crossdressing again (methinks its my mid-life crisis). I learned that I can pass in public after having a makeover at a local transformation shop, then having practiced at home and further in public.

I feel I've re-discovered a facet of myself I had shut out for far too long - and would like to crossdress and go out in public regularly, though I am not interested in transitioning, nor having intimate relationships with others. Before I begin to network in person with others TG's locally, I need to share this part of me with my wife. I am pretty confident we have the relational skills to address this surprise development. I realize that I need to gather up my courage to initiate this revelation to my wife though.

And yes, it's mostly close friends and relatives I am concerned about, less so about neighbors and acquantances. So, I have made it a point not to go out in public en femme within 1/2 hour of our home.


I think the mid-life crisis notion is on the mark. There are things that you have done, and things that you "sometimes" meant to do, that find their time and place.

Your task seems fairly simple, "Dear, I have something on my mind that's been on my mind for a while. I feel...."

Be sure and say, "Feel." Nobody has to argue feelings and nobody really can. "If that's how you feel, then that's how you feel."

Last, in reading this post and others, I am reminded that surprise and judgement about CDing works both ways. I went to an early "hate crime" meeting years ago after work. I got there late and just took the only seat available without talking to anyone. I sat on the front row as the cops gave a talk to a room full of TG people.

After the meeting, I started talking to the CDers in the room that I knew and they were upset that I knew their names - then when they realized who I was their jaws simply dropped: "I can't believe it's you... You look so different! I thought you were... Uh... You look so different!"

This happened over and over again (it was a big meeting) and it was discussed later at another meeting. Seems people were upset that they saw a stranger and assumed all sorts of things about why this "guy" was there and what he was up to. People were upset that they saw a crossdresser, crossdressed as a man, and couldn't just live and let live.

I still find that amusing - and informative. I'm the same person no matter what I wear and I make sure to remind people of that by just being myself.

My SOs always get this and it may be why my CDing is not a big issue in our lives:

"Everyone wears clothes. But, not everyone is as nice as you."

Be nice and the world will usually be nice to you...