I'm on mysecond therapist. My first one was an internet thrapist who I liked to talk to but I felt I needed to see someone face to face.
Now i'm seeing a very good therapist who I feel very comfortable with.
I go to all my appointments as Stacey but quite often i don't even talk about gender issues. I have plenty of other issues to keep us busy.
And you are implying that folks who seek therapists are not of "sound mind and body". Them's fighting words. My body could be healthier, but my therapists have indicated that I am one of the sanest and most resilient people they have dealt with.Originally Posted by Traci Elizabeth
Why speak to a therapist? Because a therapist can lead you to alternate viewpoints. Notice I said "lead you to", not "give you": it is very common for people that talking openly about a situation with a few well-placed questions allows the person to process the situation for themselves.
Who needs alternate viewpoints? Pretty much everyone, including most people who think they don't need alternative viewpoints. I, for one, actively seek alternative viewpoints for both my personal life and my professional life: especially for my professional life, it is the only way to keep growing.
That's was not what I was saying. I define sound in this case as not needing or wanting a therapist.
And with your logic, "Why speak to a therapist? Because a therapist can lead you to alternate viewpoints.", why not speak to 100,000 other people? They all have differing viewpoints as well and you can learn from them too.
It seems that you are saying that "EVERYONE" should see a therapist. That makes no sense to me. Most folks do not see therapists. Maybe some of those who don't - should, and some of those who do are getting zero benefit from them. But therapists are not a panacea and certainly not needed by everyone.
Just because you do see one is great for you but does not mean that everyone else needs to see one.
Just call Me: "W - O - M - A - N"
As King said: "I'm free at last, I'm free at last.
Thank God Almighty I'm free at last!"
although the word guide was used in a question about therapists...it is different than a therapist...i know, its just semantics but i think the statement that if you have no guide you are fooling yourself is quite true...
Not all of us have loving and understanding people to help us....and others just needed to get through their own tough issues to have the courage to find those close to them that could help them..this is often where therapists come in...
It's great to be "good with yourself" ...
unfortunately it is rare that this comes easily in the ts world.
Traci,
reading about your experience it is very unique...to be 60, with a supportive wife happily starting transition is a big deal and I think you should be commended for it...no one is denigrating you or attacking you for being one of the few folks that gets through all this unscathed (i hope)
I dont see a therapist for several reasons; It isnt possible to find one anywhere close to here and I dont need one. I know what I am I dont need someone to tell my I'm ok, I know I am. Other than maybe needing one to someday ok Hormone treatments, I will not seek one. It may seem odd to some but I dont think we should be treated as if we have some kind of mental disorder because we are transgendered. To seek out counseling voluntarily just seems to feed this misconception.
Well behaved Women rarely make history
I see a therapist. I started with one over the phone, then entered a transgender program at the hospital, where I had a private therapist and 2 in group therapy, and now have left the program to start with a private therapist. All have a list of credentials and experience with the trans community. I am not a big fan of therapy, especially group therapy and the TG program, but I feel it is important to thoroughly explore these issues with a professional that has experience with the T community, before transition.
Does this mean I don't have a "strong mind and body", or that I couldn't do this without therapy?.....NO, but it does mean I am following the WPATH SOC which will make the whole process go smoother (ie. HRT & SRS), and even if I don't totally agree with the SOC sometimes it is good to be humble to those that have the education and experience.
JMO.....jenna!
Thank you Kaitlyn. I do realize I am very blessed.
I think it is important for the silent readers who visit our forum but never interact as well as many others who do, that transitioning does not "have" to be insurmountable, pledged with set-backs, and depression, etc.
I want to express that acceptance of self and having a positive attitude can go a long way to making transitioning a rewarding experience.
I am not naive and know that a lot of you are hurting and are having a very difficult time transitioning and my heart goes out to those of you. That's one of the benefits of this forum - support.
Just call Me: "W - O - M - A - N"
As King said: "I'm free at last, I'm free at last.
Thank God Almighty I'm free at last!"
I never felt any need for one. I know who I am and never had any issues I couldn't handle myself.
I like to talk, but why pay some one to listen to me when there are many people who will listen for free?
Who knows maybe someday like Sarah Palin, I can get people to pay ME to listen to me.
[SIZE=2]Ascended Ancient[/SIZE]
When you define "sound" in that way, you are defining anyone who needs or wants a therapist as being unsound, and what I posted was indeed exactly what you . You are, of course, allowed to use any definition to yourself that you want, but do not expect other people to let it go without comment.
I do speak to 34,665 people here, but on average they give me no more than about 0.3 seconds of attention.
I agree with Tracy. Having the pleasure to work with countless trans people I have come to realize that the majority likely needs therapy. Now to say that it is a given for all is wrong.
Katie
i tend to give .45 seconds...that's 50% more!!!
Actually, I think it is important to know that transitioning can be "insurmountable, pledged with set-backs, and depression, etc."
It is important for those who are suffering but don't come forward to know that others have the same feelings and they aren't alone in feeling this way. It was for me and helped me grow.
As much as I love to hear people who have not suffered, these I think are rare and for some people it acts, albeit innocently, like salt poured into an open wound. To some it may sound like you are belittling their plight because you have never suffered as they do.
I'll be honest, I get apprehensive when I read that people are happy and for no other reason than my life has not been blessed and I have had to work hard to get to where I am. I have a hard time accepting people who have had an easy time.
But specifically mentioning therapy... I think it is a valuable tool for people like myself, who have had mental stress that is more than I could handle by myself. Wonderful as it is that people don't need it but I think it wrong to discredit therapy as being useful.
You are absolutely correct and I agree with you 100% that it can be very difficult for many folks but we should not begrudge those of us who have had or are having a very happy transition. Should we not share our side of the story?
I realize that those who are suffering can sometimes blame or find fault in those who are not. I guess that can be basic human nature. But more reason for us to stretch out an open hand to them.
Just because someone is happy, does not mean they have had life easy and did not have to work very hard to get where they are now.
I have not "discredited" therapy for anyone. In fact, I have stated the opposite that for many it is a blessing. Seeking therapy is NOT a sign of weakness. It is a sign of wisdom that one has the fortitude to seek help or counseling to make their life better.
Just call Me: "W - O - M - A - N"
As King said: "I'm free at last, I'm free at last.
Thank God Almighty I'm free at last!"
A life time of experience. It's one of those things like homophobic politicians, and it is equally sad. My experience has been (and I am SURE that there is an exception to this rule) is that those who rant and rave about how they do not need to see a therapist are the very folks who are in most desperate need.
Well... first off, no I am not. I merely believe that changing the gender one was assigned with at birth is a process is fraught with peril, pain, frustration, humiliation, and worse. This isn't a question of soundness or mental illness. I simply believe that every person, from the healthiest to the most deranged will benefit from the guidance of a professional. And let me also stipulate, that a friend or relative is no substitute for professional care. I am not talking about some one who will hold your hand, pat you on the back, and make you feel better - I am talking about someone who will ask you the difficult questions, and hold you accountable to finding the answers to those questions, particularly when you don't necessarily like the questions, or the answers. In the vast majority of cases, maintaining a friendship precludes that sort of behavior. And then of course there is the issue of knowing what the questions are. But I digress.
Secondly... thanks for the not-to-subtle insinuation that anyone (myself included) who sees a therapist MUST be CrAzY!?!?! or at the very least weak minded. First, it's BS. Secondly it is the sort of attitude that keeps people who desperately need help from getting the help they need. People go to see therapists for all sorts of reasons, I would guess that it is a very small minority of that population that would be described by a member of the general public as "crazy" or "dim witted."
It's a fair question. The simple answer is that a "a very healthy and positive acceptance of oneself" is not the end of the road. It is also not some sort of destination, or goal to achieve. Self image is something that is constantly re-evaluated, and recast - or at least it SHOULD be. And there are lots of things we overlook. It is helpful to have someone point out to us the weak spots in our self image... the spots we never thought to look for.
Even with a healthy self image, one can be crushed, or have their heart broken in any number of places on this journey. When that happens it is awesome to have a professional show you how to put the pieces back together in the right order again.
Here is a great analogy. Not too long ago I went into to see my family doctor. I was feeling fine, believed myself to be in pretty good health, but I needed to have a test done for reasons that are irrelevant here. I believed I was in good health. I looked healthy. I wasn't having any sort of symptoms. My blood pressure was 228/125 (for those of you who don't keep track that is about twice what it should be). Now with some very minor adjustments to my life (and a daily pill my doctor is thinking about taking me off of) my blood pressure is back down where it should be. Your emotional life is like that too.
And another one. Imagine you fall and break your arm. Most folks would go to the hospital to have a professional set it and put it in a cast. But you don't HAVE to. You could have your wife or a close friend immobilize it with a few scraps of plywood and an ace bandage they have in their garage. It would certainly save you some money to do it that way. Your bone would likely eventually heal up either way. Sure, it might take longer if you did it at home, or their might be some weird bend in it for the rest of your life, or it might hurt more... but it would heal. Why go to see an MD?
I had a friend who ran her own business for years, and always did her own taxes. She did them to the best of her ability, and she was not trying to cheat on them, but she started to get audited, every year for like 5 years strait. Every time they audited her they found something she had screwed up, not intentionally, but she was a florist, not an accountant. When she started to take her taxes to a professional, she immediately stopped getting audited.
A better question I think is regardless of your mental and emotional health situation "when you are contemplating a huge, irreversible life altering decision including surgery and a change to the fundamental role you will play in the world - Why on Earth would you not seek counsel from a therapist?"
My therapist happens to be transgender herself, and she happens to have focused a part of her practice on the GLBT community. She also does other stuff. But I think the idea that a therapist has to be transgendered in order to be useful to the transgendered community is bunk. One need not PTSD to understand the issues involved and be able to treat someone suffering with PTSD. I do tend to think that a therapist seeing transgender clients should have specialized training, but in the absence of a therapist with specialized training, a competent professional can still do a lot of good for the folks in this community. Many of our issues are not that dissimilar from other non-trans folks. Sure some of our issues are pretty far out there, but therapeutic techniques are designed to be pretty generalized, to help us find OUR answers, not THE answers.
Fine. I still think you are fooling yourself. Sure you CAN transition w/o any help or guidance from a therapist or anyone else. There are examples all around us. But why on Earth would you not want to give yourself every benefit, every edge, every opportunity to stack the cards in your favor? Why would you want to make this take longer, or be more difficult and painful than it needs to be? A HUGE part of transition is in your head, the clothes and the genitalia is the easy part... To suggest that you can do as well without trained experienced professional help as you can do with it is, in my view absolutely delusional.
"I don't mind living in a man's world, as long as I can be a woman in it." — Marilyn Monroe
I think it's nice if you can afford it. As far as myself, I feel that I can think for myself, and know what I want and what's best for me. I don't know, I guess maybe part of it (in my case anyway) was becoming independent at an early age and making my own decisions.
In my professional life, I have worked intently in several quite different (but interconnected) areas, and in at least four different areas, after less than 2 years have been widely considered to be an "expert" better than the majority of people with 20 years experience in the area.
I could be considered justified in trusting my skills and knowledge and judgment over that of 99.95% of the population -- but I got where I am by knowing how much I don't know, and drawing on the skills and experience of other people. I evaluate what they say for myself and determine whether it is relevant for me and make my own decisions, but I pay attention to what other people have to offer.
What I don't know includes a lot about psychology, behaviour, interpersonal reactions, gender, friendship, happiness, and health. Considering that I have been thinking about my "gender" for less than 3 years, going to therapy is a form of accelerated study.
Last edited by sandra-leigh; 05-27-2010 at 01:40 AM. Reason: typo
I don't know bout anyone else but I find your sudden change of font color an interesting point that may need to be analyzed by a proffesional, HeHe. (this is meant to be funny)
The most important kind of freedom is to be what you really are. When you trade in your reality for a role. You give up your ability to feel, and in exchange, put on a mask.
We are buried beneath the weight of information,
which is being confused with knowledge;
quantity is being confused with abundance
and wealth with happiness.
We are monkeys with money and guns.
for me personally i need all the help i can get...
thats how i look at it...and yes i like to encourage folks (even those that resist!!!--assimilate!!!) that don't feel the need to get help..
i'm a very successful business person in my old life...
it's interesting that in that prior role, i didn't value consultants of any kind very highly...but i will tell you that i took all their sales calls and i sucked as much learning and info out of them as i could until they started to ask for a paid assignment...
i'm not so cheap with my own life or death though...if you flip it around, i can't think of any good reason to not get as much info as possible except for money..including the times when you feel like you don't need a therapist..i didnt need a therapist until i did...and it helped me so much to find a good one.
Having a successful transition and being good with yourself without a therapist doesnt mean that a good therapist or perhaps we can call it a good "guide" wouldnt help you...if you start out with confidence and positive self awareness, you will have the best chance for a great outcome...its a good thing, and its no knock on those of us that feel like we rose from the dead..
however, without any help at all then you are taking a risk that you miss out on all kinds of positive benefits of transition, and you risk hitting a problem or roadblock that the therapist "guide" could have easily warned you about....
I've had one and only one therapist now since I started (or thought about starting) my transition. She is a Gender Identity and Trauma specialist. I know I've talked about her several times throughout the forum, but for me, I could not have found a better person to 'help me out'.
Now, I do say that she's helped me out, however, my biggest concerns were, really, that I was going down a safe and logical road, and that it could all be thoroughly documented for legal purposes when dealing with custody battles for my son. Further, he has a separate therapist who is also aware of everything that's going on with me, so she can mitigate the issues that arise with him and I.
Now, did I ever, EVER think I would end up in a therapist's hands in my life??!? HA!! A few years ago, I would have sworn them down.. I was operating in my life... I knew my stressors... I knew how to deal with things enough to keep myself employed and raise a family... and I did it all without therapy or drugs. Now, I say this as a disclaimer - there is nothing wrong with therapy or medicinal treatments for chemical imbalances. Many, MANY of my friends have had or do have therapists or others they see/saw regularly. I always said 'Hey, whatever works for you.. but it wasn't for me...' and felt it was true... ...until I came to grips with the reality that the little lady's voice in my head that's been crying for decades wasn't just my imagination. Once I knew I needed to seriously listen to her voice, it became obvious I was /WAY/ out of my league, and needed some guidance.
In the end now, my therapist seems like more of a general life councilor than a gender therapist. My transition is almost non-existent in the conversation, unless I bring it up. Instead the realities of the rest of my life come to the forefront, and I've been dualy thankful that she's been around for that. I continue to grow as a woman, and evolve myself into someone that I feel is as well rounded as possible. She's there to catch me before, hopefully, I make a big booboo at life or work in the process.
Last edited by Angel.Marie76; 05-27-2010 at 01:31 PM.
Nice posting, Angel.
We don't really know how or why therapy works, but it does, for most people.
I agree, but who is that "good" therapist?
You have to find out for yourself. I “tried out” three that “didn’t fit me” before I found the one that does.I agree, but who is that "good" therapist?
olga
I do see a therapist and have made great progress in regards to my self acceptance of my cross-dressing and life's other little struggles like relationship issues.
With her help I feel I have grown and matured beyond what I ever thought was possible.
I also agree with all of the others who have said that you have to be comfortable with your therapist (it took me a couple of different ones to feel comfortable) and you have to be ready and willing to work on yourself and be honest with yourself and your therapist.
I'm sure therapy isn't for everyone but I would encourage anyone who hasn't tried it to keep an open mind and consider the possible advantages.
Tomara
i know, its toughI agree, but who is that "good" therapist?
but it is your personal responsibility to find them. I've seen posts say things like no way i'm letting a therapist mess with my head...well they only mess with your head if you let them
its a slog..i had 2 poor therapists, one so poor that i called and demanded she take the words transgendered out of her resume (and she did)..then i found a terrific, experienced woman to help me..
i learned of her through 2 other transwomen that recommended her, i've passed her name on to others (including one on this board) ....
its challenging and it can be especially frustrating if you arent on the coasts or in the major cities, but for me it was worth the extra work
Yes i am seeing a female therapist,and its hard work,this journey is very lonely,and to be faced with even more pressure from her at such a trying time has been sometimes unbearable,but i have gained self confidence whilst seeing her,i do not know if she has helped with this i would like to think so as she is pretty cool,but only you know who you are really.
It seems so cruel to have your emotions viewed by a clinical approach,cold.but the questions have to be asked in order for you to be true to yourself.
My recent visit this week i went as the real me and the receptionist would not let me in at firstthat felt weird as i did not contemplate the reactions of others,and i went dressed fem to make a point really,and to break some bonds holding me back.
My vote on seeing a therapist will have to be yes,i am glad i did,she has helped me find my spirit,its best not to walk this path alone i think,hope you can understand my evenings ramble
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