Why is harder to tell a guy that a woman?

[ReineD]

It's because more men are homo/transphobic than are women. It begins in grade 2 when boys think that girls have cooties.

[darla_g]

So many guys (who don't crossdress) just have this stereotype about CD'ers that we all know and its just not socially acceptable.

Women tend to much more open and accepting. There are exceptions especially with spouses who may feel threatened in some way or maybe just don't want their partner to be doing it.

So no i have never told any guy friends and I don't think i ever will.

[AKAMichelle]

You have grown up as a male, man, macho, playing football or baseball and maybe even being the prop KING in high school. You have heard all of the jokes and comments made by boys thru-out the years about "there's queers and steers" and I don't see any horns on you. hahahahaha You have also heard the comments, "boy, if a queer tried to talk to me I'd kick his a--." These are just 2 little simple things while growing up. Where did 99.99% of these jokes come from???? Men or your buddies. These kind of "jokes" were very seldom told around the "girls circles"
or you didn't think that they were.

mostly because when you tell a guy they take three steps away and start acting like you are some sort of viper or they take three steps closer and start to act like a viper

I think this just about explains it plus the fear of being gay. Once we tell the stigma of this being a gay thing takes over. Being friends with a cd'er means they are on the same side of the fence - GAY. Sad but true. You think a few of these guys are a little insecure with themselves.

[Elizabeth Ann]

I haven't told any men, but I still feel it would be easier to confide in women, based on my interactions with strangers. At least for me, I don't think it is homophobia, or even any other sort of fear of males. I have always felt comfortable with taking care of myself in just about any situation I find myself in.

I think it is related to the fact that women seem less judgmental than men. Specifically, a woman may think of me as odd or someone she doesn't wish to know, but still another human being with the respect that entails. With men, they may think me gay, or just plain crazy. I can deal with that without too much trouble. I think what would really bother me, though, is that I think many men would consider me less of a person: not less of a man, or a man with distasteful behaviors, but someone they would think of as inferior.

I don't know why this would bother me so. I try to steer my life by my own internal compass, to be the arbiter of my own self worth. But it does.

Liz

[Shari]

Why is everybody missing the obvious?

Women are less likely to beat you up.

[AKAMichelle]

Why is everybody missing the obvious?

Women are less likely to beat you up.

Or how about the fact that we become less of a threat when we a GG. We are wanting to be like them.

[Deborah Jane]

Why is everybody missing the obvious?

Women are less likely to beat you up.

Really?
You obviously don't know some of the women I know

[Prissy Linda]

Why is everybody missing the obvious?

Women are less likely to beat you up.

The key words in Shari's statement is that woman are LESS likely to beat you up, of course there are exceptions but women are not usually as threatening.

Linda

[Christina Horton]

And lesbians and such think we're nothing but a joke!

I have met lots of and my sister is gay and I have never heard them say that. I think you are mistaken.

Why is everybody missing the obvious?

Women are less likely to beat you up.

and even if they do try to beat you up and you going to punch a women. Unless they are threating my or other peoples life I will not hit a women even if I'm dressed as one. That's just me though.



I have told lots of guy friends and never had a prob. They know the kind of person I am and except my CDing with little or no prob. Of couse there's shock when you first tell them but after that there fine with it. They say it's my life and it's mine to live. I would say I've told maybe about ( now this is just a guess) 30 or 40 guy friends that I have know for years like when we were kids or young adults.

So it just depends on the quality of friends you seround yourself with. I have only wanted friends I thought were good people to be friends with. I was very picky as a kid.
But that's my worth.

[RebeccaLynne]

Anybody know the answer to this one?

I'll venture an answer I've not seen mentioned by the prior respondents, yet I feel has validity.

Permit me a sports analogy, here...

Although biologically assigned to the "Mens" team, we've rejected them in favor of joining the opposition.

And the "Womens" team has scored points through welcoming a new team member.

So to the men, you're a traitor.

To the women, you've not only refused to play on the men's team, you've rejected those values and actively chosen to play against them, siding up with the women...

May the best team win!

And I sooo dislike being on the losing side!

[ReineD]

I have met lots of and my sister is gay and I have never heard them say that. I think you are mistaken.

There are militant lesbian communities out there who despise CDs and transsexuals. Check this group out, specifically the "Female identity and gender politics" sub forum: http://www.michfest.com/forums/index.php

I'm sure there are accepting lesbians as well. My SO and I are always treated with politeness in lesbian hangouts. But they don't rush up to be our best friends either. It wouldn't surprise me if for the most part, lesbian groups accept TGs out of feelings of solidarity with the LGBT community in general, but they would never consider a CD to be one of them. I think it's hard for them to get beyond a CD's physical equipment.

[kellycan27]

It's because more men are homo/transphobic than are women.

With all of the " I am not gay" disclaimers I am guessing we have some right here in our own backyard.

[smoothbikini]

It's because more men are homo/transphobic than are women. It begins in grade 2 when boys think that girls have cooties.

hit the nail on the head...

[Alice B]

All the women I've told have been totally cool with it. But, men are conditioned from an early age to make fun of it.

[msniki48]

Seems fairly basic to me. We have been taught to be a man, we must always be strong and this leads to never wanting to be seen as less than manly by our fellows.
Sad as that may seem, there is truth to it.
Thing is we are braver for what we are than most non-CD men could fathom, especially when we come to terms with our femme sides, and can accept what we are.
Just my 3 1/2 cents (economically adjusted, of course)

Serene, you are so right! plus being friendly with a CD'er???? oooofaa! like what are people gonna think....like i'm some sort of wierdo or somthin? [bad words left out] Yo...you know what i mean?

Women are not threatened by us...they may not be attracted to a feminine man... but they are not threatened. almost every woman in my circle of friends knows or suspects...and they all love me

Even guys that know about me...know because their wives told them...not me.
and they still love me but don't ever talk about it.

just my

[Naomi Rayne]

There are tons of ways to explain this. Some very complicated, others very simple. I am gonna go the simple route and say that society tells men they have to compete and be the better man. The more "manly" you are the better off you are in society. Obviously this is nowhere near true, but that is how a lot of high school and college life is like which is when a lot of CDers start to dress. That behavior is then taken to when people get older and feelings are still the same even if the environment around them is not.

Also men are far less accepting because as someone said above the less they can relate the less they understand and then feel like they do not need you.

[Nicole Erin]

Yeah it is easier for me to tell women, well not much to tell, as I don't hide my tranniness. The men in my life who know don't treat me any different. Maybe say stuff when I am not about but as long as someone is nice to my face, that is all I really care.

There are militant lesbian communities out there who despise CDs and transsexuals. Check this group out, specifically the "Female identity and gender politics" sub forum..

I looked thru that a bit, WOW, they sure do spend a lot of energy bickering about stuff.
I could care less if lesbians consider me "one of them". When it comes to political junk, I could care less about that too.

For all their arguing, perhaps someone should remind then -
"Arguing on the Internet is like playing in the Special olympics, even if you win..." ehh better stop there.

[AKAMichelle]

I looked thru that a bit, WOW, they sure do spend a lot of energy bickering about stuff.
I could care less if lesbians consider me "one of them". When it comes to political junk, I could care less about that too.

Sounds like us sometimes to me. Especially when we get on those good heated topics. It doesn't really matter if they like or accept us. I will never be a lesbian no matter how hard I try. So they will never want me on their team which is fine.

[ReineD]

girls can't catch the virus that forces you to wear womens clothes because they already have it.
However............

lol

[Karen564]

[SIZE=2]I think it's more because you don't feel as threatened by a woman...vs Men...[/SIZE]

[SIZE=2]Not to mention, Women are by nature more nurturing/motherly/empathic ..so your more drawn towards that quality for understanding of your situation[/SIZE]

[SIZE=2]In a nutshell, your scared of how a man will react... [/SIZE]

[SIZE=2]Although in reality, not all men react as badly as you Think they will...But that all depends on the man......[/SIZE]



[SIZE=2]But my question to all of you that are P/T CDers ...not planning on going 24/7[/SIZE]

[SIZE=2]Why do you feel it's important to tell all your friends that your a CDer...?[/SIZE]

[SIZE=2]Do they really need to know about this part of your private life?[/SIZE]

[marny]

i've only toldone malr frie




i told one male friend. No not told. dressed. not so good! But curiously my wife and three daughters are all on board! Go figure!

[Elsa von Spielburg]

Honestly, it's been about exactly 50/50 with the guys/gals that I have or plan to tell, but then it's probably because I don't associate with any (if I can help it) trans/homophobic peoples. Honestly, I'm more nervous about telling the women-types than the men these days.