I'm not a CDer, but...
Good points here. I often felt less of man because of my situation. I was always told by my younger brother [I don’t know if he did it on purpose or by accident] “men have muscles” “men have deep gravely voices” … men this, men that… “real men” this and that blah de blah…yeah but he eventually ate his words when he seen me, only a year into T and built bigger than he is, muscle wise. Maybe smaller in height but not by much. Voice deeper than his, even deeper than my older brother, or so many family members have said.
But I lacked what a lot of “real men” have…ten points for who guesses the right answer?
Aye. That.
I asked my brother what made a “real man” and that was his reply. I said “so you are trying to say to me that having a penis is what makes you a real man? What if one day during your drug induced craziness you have an accident and it’s gone” he did not answer.
What I meant was that although anatomy is different, he and others will never see that part of me…I can still compete up to the scratch of a cismale even without a penis. And a lot on this site and others have told me [when I asked if they would date a FtM] they wouldn’t because they lack a penis…I tear myself apart about it and hate myself and actually war with my own self!
I still sometimes argue with myself if I am a real man or just a pretender. I know mentally I am…but bodily I never will be. Not talking about chromosomes, I don’t have that issue [hence why my family are finally all accepting me and getting back in contact, they know mother nature screwed up, not me].
You are what you WANT to be…not what you were given at birth or forced upon you during childhood/ teenage years etc.
It’s your life, it’s your only chance and the only chance you will ever have so make it a good one. One to remember. One to be celebrated! I just need to remind myself every day of that, during the low times and following the horrible reminder from people that I am at a disadvantage. But at the same time, I have the advantage of life experience that they people will never get. And I’m grateful as well as grieved.
good luck.
