Gingerbread, it seems based upon the posts you've made that you really need to see a gender therapist. Please believe me that I am not trying to say you're somehow wrong just expressing some rather far advanced feelings and you need to catch up with them before going too far.
Many of us here have been dressing for decades and there is frequently that little doubt in our minds and you seem to be unaware yet of that. Or simply haven't yet expressed it.
If nothing else the time in therapy will help you decide just how far it is you want to go. It is possible that a full transition is where you really need to go and that really needs to start with a therapist.
So far everything you've expressed or that I've read of yours is well within the norm here so don't think that you are so 'out there' by yourself. Read and read some more of what others here have written. Take your time and relax a bit. There is still lots of time for all these thing to happen even for you.
