Hi Reine

My post was not describing TS at all, I should have choose my words more carefully. What I was trying to describe was seeing beauty in a male - not beauty through strength, authority, self-confidence etc but classical feminine beauty - sensitivity, vulnerability, unselfishness etc. Males are conditioned to reject these feelings and the roles associated with them because to do so automatically means you are not a man yet of course we are. It is a hard contradiction to get around.

Integration for me happened when I rejected the entire basis of what a man is supposed to be and accepted the naturalness that femininity was a part of every person ergo every male. If I can appreciate a woman displaying femininity then I should have the same feeling seeing a man do the same. Essentially I have become blind to biological gender. This is why I no longer need to do the psychological side-step and switch into a female persona in order for me to grant myself access to my feminine feelings. But I am not describing being female all the time, I am still mostly male but with my female side granted full access to come out with or without the clothing.

With regards to your comments on TS I will give you this to ponder. A person who becomes TS is a person who decides to no longer be TG. They seek to end the issues of being TG by settling for a single gender - their preferred gender- and enjoy the benefits of rejoining gender normalcy. This is one option.

This is my big picture view. Many CDs travel down a road of gender exploration which usually means an escalating path towards more femininity. Due to the problems of being closeted, spousal intolerance etc many never get to properly explore their feelings and get stuck along the way. For those lucky ones who do get to fully explore their TG feelings then they will eventually come to a crossroads where there are 3 choices.

1. Continue as before with separate male and female personas which will probably become more and more distinct.
2. Integration which means dropping the female persona and granting your male self permission to feel feminine at any time.
3. Become TS which means dropping the male persona and rejoining the cis-world in your preferred gender.