Crash, I'll tell you what happened from my GG POV.
I've been supportive of my SO from the very beginning, and actively engaged in all our outings. But still she told me in the beginning that we should only have one rule. If ever either one of us should not feel comfortable with it, either at home, or out, even if we'd spent an eternity getting ready, to just say the word and she would revert back to guy mode immediately and gladly. Sometimes we've come home from an outing and she ran upstairs wanting to get her stuff off and I didn't understand why she'd want to get back to guy mode so quickly. Other times we've been to places dressed, and if either one of us felt odd, we'd both leave.
I feel fortunate that my SO remembers her own feelings fluctuating, as her femme expression developed, so it is easy for her to understand the same thing happening to me. I have to say though that I don't remember ever asking her to get back to guy mode prematurely.
On the other hand I also wanted to be supportive (it was a new relationship and I found out at the very beginning), and I didn't want to rain on her parade. So once, in the very beginning while I was learning about what it all meant, we went to a lesbian ballroom dance on an evening when something particularly disastrous had happened that day with regard to my divorce. When we walked in there was a very romantic song from my past. My heart sank when I realized I was there with a woman, in a room full of other women. I should have respected the one rule we had and said something, but I didn't. I went to the ladies room and cried, then fixed my eyes and came out smiling. The evening progressed until one lesbian couple, the best dancers there, were practicing a very sexy and sensuous routine for an upcoming competition. My SO couldn't take her eyes off them, and then I started to hyperventilate and I just couldn't stay in the room anymore. I became convinced that she was only attracted to lesbians. lol. It wasn't rational, admittedly, but I was scared, confused, and upset, and feeling very vulnerable. At that moment I just didn't want to be with a woman. Period. So I just gasped that I needed air and she must have seen how devastated I looked and she came out with me. Then I had a major moment. We sat in the car and all my fears and tears came pouring out. And I'm not a drama queen.
She was very good about it all, although quite surprised, since she thought everything was OK. She told me that I was more important to her than the CDing, and believe it or not, I had no idea this was true. I had thought that being her femme self was without a doubt the most important thing in the world to her. So we worked through it all, I felt a lot better, and it hasn't happened since.
She did continue to expand her presentation and the frequency of her outings, and I've got to say that every time she did something new to her body or went to more and more places closer to home, or wanted to meet more people who didn't know her guy side, it surprised me that she was raising the bars and for a few years, especially while on this forum reading all the threads, I convinced myself that she was on her way to transition. I didn't know what the future held for us, if we could survive, and I was scared.
So my advice is to discuss with your wife how far you want to go with this so there are no surprises: do you intend on growing your hair and nails, would you like permanent laser beard removal, fully shaved body, etc, how big would you like your wardrobe to be, and what types of places would you like to go to dressed and how frequently. In other words, what are your ultimate goals? Do have a discussion with your wife about this so that she is not frightened every time you do raise the bars.
Your post is akin to stepping right over your dog when he's panting for water in front of an empty bowl, but you don't fill it because it's not convenient for you to deal with it at that moment.Originally Posted by KarenCDFL
