My first date en femme

[JiveTurkeyOnRye]

Thanks Lorileah. These are some good tips. What if we go dancing/clubbing? I am good at dancing to electropop/disco, rock, or hip hop, and I think I can do it well in a femme style because I practice often at home. But if we go CW dancing I will be clueless.

Any thoughts on how I should handle myself when clubbing with a gentleman?

The nice thing about dancing as a woman is it's a lot more acceptable to just let loose and have fun. If you don't know the style, just take a look around at the other girls on the dance floor and mimic what they're doing. I'm a terrible dancer in general but the few times I went clubbing while en femme, I had a blast. As far as how to handle yourself with a gentleman, the answer is simple, be a lady. Don't go off dancing with other boys, leaving him standing there holding your purse. Dance with him, or let him watch you dance if he wishes, but think of him as your dance partner for the evening.

[Lorileah]

Since Denver is considered a western cowtown, country dancing is common. However unless you get into line dances, the basic partner dances are easy and you will be "led" by your partner. You can pick up the basic two step easily enough (don't let the regulars scare you they have been dancing there for years and they learned the fancy steps slowly over time.) and the swing will take a bit more but that is mostly just sort of a rock apart and back together and add a under arm twist on occasion (this is easier if you are shorter than your partner otherwise you will have to duck). Most country venues don't care if you just go out and shake your groove thing as long as you are having fun. My experience is that you might get groped a bit more in a gay club than a straight club, but I like that so it isn't a big deal to me. Remember, for the most part cowboys are gentlemen. Personally I like country venues over techno and hip hop because I don't leave with a ringing in my ears.

In a country bar (and probably in any bar) you may be asked to dance with someone else. You need to set a base with your date on that before hand. In these types of bars a "feminine" looking partner is in demand (for dancing...they will choose a masculine partner to take home) just for appearance sake.

Have fun, keep your wits, be polite. You will have a good time

[Jill Devine]

Meeting a stranger from the Internet, who is looking for a sexual type of hook up (making that assumption from the type of website they met on), you need to exercise extreme caution. My tip would be to keep your eye on your drink at all times (for spiking) and watch the volume of alcohol you consume.

You've used the word "gentleman" several times: just don't assume he is one even if he initially acts like one.

[cordgrass]

Just because someone belongs to a BDSM community doesn't mean they put out on the first date or are expecting sex right away. If anything, there is a lot more negotiation before sex, because it's a lot trickier to be compatible. People who are kinky aren't heartless; we are just as interested in love as other people. I'll stop bristling now.

Usually first dates are about getting to know the other person rather than going clubbing, unless that was specifically planned when setting up the date. So don't get your hopes up.

I think on the first date women are generally trying to see if the man will be a good fit, so they pay a lot of attention, as Lorileah said. But the reason is to decide whether there will be a second date or not. My advice is to see how he tips the waitstaff--that says a lot about a man. Can't help you with gestures and things.

[NatalieGirl]

Meeting a stranger from the Internet, who is looking for a sexual type of hook up (making that assumption from the type of website they met on), you need to exercise extreme caution. My tip would be to keep your eye on your drink at all times (for spiking) and watch the volume of alcohol you consume.

You've used the word "gentleman" several times: just don't assume he is one even if he initially acts like one.

Thanks for the words of advice. I have been to this club/restaurant many times before without any problems, and many of the staff know me. I doubt there will be any such problems, but it never hurts to be cautious.

[Genivieve]

Please tell me how you did it. I want so badly have anyone (male or female) desire me when dressed. I have to work on psasing first, I hope I cam get there

[curiousrabbit]

Most of what a lady does is make the guy feel like the center of attention. You can lean in while he talks and smile slightly. Tilt your head and say things like "wow" and "That is really interesting" Leaning in does two things you look interested and it shows more cleavage. Some women like to dangle a shoe. Cross uncross and recross your legs. Be sweet, be quiet and be demure. Otherwise you can just be nice. Do what you you normally do (ok don't belch or chug a whole beer). Let him lead of course, let him direct you to the table, maybe pull out your chair. If you want to go all out you can either ask him to suggest what to order or order for both of you. Other parts of etiquette apply, napkin in lap, dab corners of mouth so as not to disturb lipstick. Giggle and smile. Let him suggest dancing is you like. Let him get your drink, but order something with a straw or if you really want to look sophisticated a martini glass (Cosmo for all the SITC fans). The main thing is focus on him. If you make him the center of attention, the rest will fall in place. I am sure that you will get a lot of advice about how to wave your hands or touch your cheek or whatever but that will look forced and clumsy if you don't normally do it.

I think this might be a generational thing? The women I know would get PISSED if you tried to order for them or treated them like that (really really pissed).

Letting the guy do some things works, but the woman can take a bit more action now aday....

And, another thing women now aday are free to do...is have sex (before marriage even!). If you want to sleep with someone on your first or 100th date, it's really your choice... there are no "rules of what a woman should do".

[Coyote]

So looking forward to hear the report when this happens. Good luck! 8-)

[Lorileah]

I think this might be a generational thing? The women I know would get PISSED if you tried to order for them or treated them like that (really really pissed).

Um...you do realize that the woman in this scenario is Natalie right? The advice wasn't how the guy should treat the woman, the question was how should Natalie act for the guy. You do realize that the gut isn't looking for an independent feminist right? He would not need or want to date a CD if he wanted that. If he is straight there are a million women who can inform him how independant they are and if he is gay and wanted someone who he could treat like a guy...he would date a guy.

Since he is dating a CD one would assume he wanted someone overtly feminine. He is not likely to be looking for Helen Gurley Brown.

[curiousrabbit]

If he is straight there are a million women who can inform him how independant they are and if he is gay and wanted someone who he could treat like a guy...he would date a guy.

Since he is dating a CD one would assume he wanted someone overtly feminine.

So CDing is about playing out a fantasy of a stereotypical 50's woman?

If the date is just a one time roleplaying thing... then, well, play away. But if the date is about finding a partner or leading to something more, I would imagine being yourself is more important.

I thought the entire idea of dating a CD or transgender is because they wanted the "third gender" type of person. Bringing both male and female to the party (instead of just a guy or just a girl who can "do it better").

Sorry, I just hate stereotypes :P It is kind of the governing reason transgendered people have such a difficult time in society.

[JennyA]

Wow, I had no idea so many people on this message board were so prude. I'm not call out anyone specific, but there are so many responses like:
"Well if you're a CD and he's a gay St8 male with a goatee then this can happen, but if you're a MtF TG and he is a feminine gay male then only this can happen."

Didn't we break down a barrier of labels when we decided to do what we all chose? I don't get this whole 50's mentality towards sex and situations on the board. I for one have become a sexual kitten with a good head on her shoulders from a hellish 20's. Would you label me a ****ty TG, but then again why would you label me at all.

Don't put any notion on your date. Go, meet another human being in this crazy world and if you click you click and if you break his headboard during a crazy night of wild liberating sex so be it.

[Coyote]

Wow, I had no idea so many people on this message board were so prude. I'm not call out anyone specific, but there are so many responses like:
"Well if you're a CD and he's a gay St8 male with a goatee then this can happen, but if you're a MtF TG and he is a feminine gay male then only this can happen."

Didn't we break down a barrier of labels when we decided to do what we all chose? I don't get this whole 50's mentality towards sex and situations on the board. I for one have become a sexual kitten with a good head on her shoulders from a hellish 20's. Would you label me a ****ty TG, but then again why would you label me at all.

Don't put any notion on your date. Go, meet another human being in this crazy world and if you click you click and if you break his headboard during a crazy night of wild liberating sex so be it.

I approve of this message 8-)

[cordgrass]

There's a difference between being a prude and being sensible. I'm not saying she should be a "Rules" girl and not put out until the third date, but there's a big difference with dating someone you know already (when it's fine to have sex on the first date) and having sex immediately on meeting a stranger. Gay men do it all the time, of course, but most women and gay men who are receptive (and have sense!) wait until at least the second date to engage in that sort of activity, just to get a better idea if the guy is a jerk or worse. Having that sort of intercourse can be dangerous and a person can be easily hurt if being topped by someone who doesn't take it at your pace, especially if the person is new at that sort of thing. If it's just doing mutual oral, that's different.

[Maria in heels]

Natalie...just keep us posted, and remember, if you don't feel comfortable then it is time to go

[NatalieGirl]

Please tell me how you did it. I want so badly have anyone (male or female) desire me when dressed. I have to work on psasing first, I hope I cam get there

This man and I came into contact on a BDSM dating site. If you're not familiar with that world, suffice it to say that crossdressing is one of the mildest things that go on.

Concerning passing: The first thing you need to realize is that you will probably never pass completely. There are too many anatomical differences between men and women. Focus on looking good en femme.