FeAr

[ReineD]

[SIZE=3]ReineD I have always felt you had a great view of us, (still do) but in my view on this one - fear wins [/SIZE]

I agree it is a valid emotion. But, the married GG is allowed to feel it too, not just her husband. And it's not a valid reason for saying that a partner "doesn't need" to know. It's not a valid reason for deception, leaving the wife to wonder what is amiss in the relationship. No one should have to live like this. Not the wife or the CD.

I can see CDs over 40 being fearful they were alone and having had no clue how to handle gender issues 10 or 15 years ago prior to the internet, but this simply isn't the case anymore. Not for the younger CDers. It's even hard to justify an older CD who continues to believe that deception is the only way.

[SIZE=3]I do not see the wife or gf that wants to be a lumber jack , ever , getting beaten to death, loosing her job, disowned from her family , loosing her apt , or friends for being true to her self and trying to be excepted as one of the lumber jacks every now and then (thinking and fantasying included)[/SIZE]

Oh Erica. If you spend a little time in the F2M forum, or talk to some of the guys about their experiences with being disowned by their families, their kids no longer wanting to have anything to do with them, being discriminated against at school, at work, you wouldn't say this.

EDIT
I want to say one more thing about fear, which I haven't seen talked about here in a while: internalized transphobia. This happens when a stigmatized group of people internalize the bias that is thrown at them by society and they end up, subconsciously perhaps, believing they are inferior for being who they are. It shows up in a husband who, deep down, fears his wife is justified in leaving him should she find out about the CDing. This, more than anything else, is what keeps CDers from being honest. It is true there are women who could not live with the CDing. But, how many threads have you read where the husband takes his courage in both hands, is fully prepared for the worst, only to find out that his wife is not running off screaming into the hills? A CDer has a much bigger chance at making his marriage a success if he overcomes his own internalized fears and he tells his wife this is who he is, than one who justifies the hiding and then his wife discovers the deception. I know that I can't possibly account for every variation on what I've just described in this small paragraph, but just pay attention to the posts from the CDers here whose wives are supportive. In most cases, it is they who have told and not the wife who has discovered it by mistake.