I think this has a lot to do with not wanting to be labeled, and not have our thoughts and feelings defined for us according to a stereotype that someone else has in mind without knowing our whole stories. My wife and I have a good friend who's gay, who doesn't know I CD. As far as I know, he doesn't CD himself--he's a "bear" who's into other "bears", generally (so he's a hairy burly dude who likes hairy burly dudes). He wouldn't want to be labeled a drag queen because he's gay anymore than I'd want to be labeled as gay because I crossdress.
