I am NOT gay!

[Pythos]

"I'm not gay but my boyfriend is."

Wha?

Are you using "boyfriend" in the same manner women use "girlfriend"?

[eluuzion]

It is just one of the pitfalls of social norms.
Social norms are just rules that a particular group uses to define appropriate and inappropriate values, beliefs, attitudes and behaviors all members must uphold to continue being accepted within the group. They revolve around our basic needs for safety/security, acceptance/belonging and for some sense of order to life.

People that adhere to the group norms (rules) are predictable in their behavior, so they are viewed as “safe”. People who do not follow the “rules” are confirming to the group that their behaviors are unpredictable. Unpredictable behaviors imply unpredictable intentions. Unpredictable intentions initiate defense postures for a possible “threat”. It is just a remnant defense mechanism of basic human survival instinct that kept cavemen from getting eaten by things they were not familiar with.

Fortunately, most “critical” people have evolved to a point where they no longer hurl spears when they feel the threat induced by the lack of knowledge and understanding that overshadows their encounter with a crossdresser. They seem content to seek shelter behind unfounded stereotypes and other dysfunctional defenses employed by the socially illiterate. (Lucky for us, eh?)

I do not feel any obligation to “prove or disprove” anything to anyone, other than to myself in life. Not every invitation or opportunity to get involved in a “battle” is worth my time. (A few are, most are not) I usually find a creative strategy to work around obstacles and ignorance instead of trying to knock them all down. Life is short. My goal is to get where I want to go, not waste my time trying to defeat opponents in a game others created.

That's my strategy. We all have one and no two are exactly alike. Hopefully we all have one that keeps us happy in life. That is all that really matters...for me anyway...

[Lorileah]

"I'm not gay but my boyfriend is."

Wha?

Are you using "boyfriend" in the same manner women use "girlfriend"?

It is what gays says when asked if they are gay. No it isn't the same as when women say "girlfriend" (or when we say that to a sister). The whole are you gay or straight question is first of all only important IF you want to have a sexual relationship with a person of the same sex and second a down right inane question. The point of the OP was to point out that only gays (men specifically) who dress as females MUST want to be female. Just as everyone who dresses as a cowboy has the desire to ride a bull for 8 seconds. Or those people who dress as chipmunks at football games have the desire to run in front of cars and get mushed. It is an inane ignorant question which needs to be addressed by sexual partners, not your best buddy at a bar or the woman who checks you out at Wal-mart. It doesn't matter unless it is between the two people who happen to be naked in the back of a 1957 Chevy.

You are what you ware.

So if I wear a Brooks Brothers suit I can be a Wall Street broker? Does this hard hat make me look like a construction worker? (I am assuming that this remark was tongue in cheek)

Now let me address the "I am a lesbian trapped in a man's body." That is almost as wrong as asking if you are gay. You cannot be lesbian by definition unless you have female genitals and you prefer having sexual relations with a person who has female genitals. This may apply to a transsexual but it is really a slap to real lesbians when a crossdresser says it. You are a straight male who prefers to have sexual relations with females. You are not gay you are not a lesbian, you are straight no matter how much you fantasize that you are a female. No more than you are Tom Selleck when your SO imagines you to be when you are being intimate. So unless you really are a transsexual, you are not a lesbian.

When we finally get to the point where we don't think of ourselves as strange or perverted maybe we can address the idea that we all want sex with guy.

[joannemarie barker]

It is what gays says when asked if they are gay. No it isn't the same as when women say "girlfriend" (or when we say that to a sister). The whole are you gay or straight question is first of all only important IF you want to have a sexual relationship with a person of the same sex and second a down right inane question. The point of the OP was to point out that only gays (men specifically) who dress as females MUST want to be female. Just as everyone who dresses as a cowboy has the desire to ride a bull for 8 seconds. Or those people who dress as chipmunks at

football games have the desire to run in front of cars and get mushed. It is an inane ignorant question which needs to beaddressed by sexual partners, not your best buddy at a bar or the woman who checks you out at Wal-mart. It doesn't matter unless it is between the two people who happen to be naked in the back of a 1957 Chevy.

So if I wear a Brooks Brothers suit I can be a Wall Street broker? Does this hard hat make me look like a construction worker? (I am assuming that this remark was tongue in cheek)

Now let me address the "I am a lesbian trapped in a man's body." That is almost as wrong as asking if you are gay. You cannot be lesbian by definition unless you have female genitals and you prefer having sexual relations with a person who has female genitals. This may apply to a transsexual but it is really a slap to real lesbians when a crossdresser says it. You are a straight male who prefers to have sexual relations with females. You are not gay you are not a lesbian, you are straight no matter how much you fantasize that you are a female. No more than you are Tom Selleck when your SO imagines you to be when you are being intimate. So unless you really are a transsexual, you are not a lesbian.

When we finally get to the point where we don't think of ourselves as strange or perverted maybe we can address the idea that we all want sex with guy.

I loved this post I always wondered why some called themelves lesbian of course it's up to them how they see themselves I guess but it's not accurate

[JulieK1980]

You see, I used to be straight but, I once shook hands with a gay guy and I must have caught it. Now I'm bi.

[Kayla Shadows]

If someone thinks I like men it really doesn't change my day. I can say no and beyond that they can believe whatever their little hearts want. Some people think because you dress like a woman you want men but there are those of us who know that not all women like men.

[jennifer easton]

I won't try to defend myself here for having a sense of humor, which thats what I was alluding to, if I've offended any one buy my post my apologies, I didn't realize I had made such an error Jenni

[Katesback]

Considering that the overwelming majority of crossdressers live in the closet and thier only ventures into the world are to gay bars it is reasonable to say that the general public has virtually NO reference point as to what a crossdresser is except.... drag queens.

Since they are all too often gay and since they are virtually the only trans people exposed to the world it is no wonder the world thinks CDs are gay.

Perhaps some day CDs will come out of the closet and walk into the real world with a sense of confidence and pride. Until that day they will be victims of thier own fears and judged by society with no one on the witness stand since they nearly all hide in the closet.

KAtie

[Billie Jean]

I'm bi in the sense that when crossdress I am a male lesbian. Billie Jean

[Julogden]

Considering that the overwelming majority of crossdressers live in the closet and thier only ventures into the world are to gay bars it is reasonable to say that the general public has virtually NO reference point as to what a crossdresser is except.... drag queens.

Since they are all too often gay and since they are virtually the only trans people exposed to the world it is no wonder the world thinks CDs are gay.

Perhaps some day CDs will come out of the closet and walk into the real world with a sense of confidence and pride. Until that day they will be victims of thier own fears and judged by society with no one on the witness stand since they nearly all hide in the closet.

KAtie

You've hit the nail squarely on the head, well said.

Carol

[kendra_gurl]

I am 100% str8 crossdressing male to female Vaginaterian and loving it.

[Shananigans]

[SIZE="2"]Acceptance for homosexuality still seems to be a major problem, and there is evidence to back up that statement right here, on this site. I mean, I don’t understand why someone feels the need to declare, “I’M NOT GAY,” especially in a place like this, where every form of sexual orientation is present and accounted for. It all boils down to lack of feelings for others, and a stubborn outlook that alienates those who see and experience things differently. Even if there is a begrudging tolerance for homosexuality ongoing at the present time, reality is far more disappointing in terms of actual acceptance. It’s like walking into a vegetarian restaurant and saying, in a loud voice, “I LIKE MEAT!” OK, but how do you think you’re making others feel? Try to use some discretion, which may or may not indicate a willingness to be less overtly heterosexual, if only for a moment…[/SIZE]

BINGO!

Sananigans,

I have seen much animosity in the gay comunity toward Bisexuals. There is one radio host around here that has voiced such. He is very anti unity with other outside groups "Bi-sexual, transgendered"

Frankly I have to return to how sad it is that one group of minorities, will discriminate against another group of minorities.

Is it possible that you slap happy friend is a closeted lesbian. Why would would she react like this.

Oh, and at least around here, being gay cannot be grounds to be terminated from your job, it is no longer though of as a mental disorder worthy of having certificates and ratings you worked hard for being revoked, and is usually not grounds for someone being denied a job, or for that matter a love life. ( ). So yes, in many ways to be gay in our society is easier than being a straight crossdresser.

I've never had problems with my sexual orientation in the gay community. I DO sometimes have to reiterate that being bisexual does not mean "promiscuous" or that I have to be with both a man and a woman at the same time in order to be happy. (Yes, some people actually think this). But, for the most part, gays recognize you are a minority and we scratch each others backs. This is why there's that huge group that keeps adding letters to itself....LGBTQ. So, I find it very, very sad when crossdressers on this site say very uncaring things about gay people...or, act like they are saying, "WELL, AT LEAST I'M NOT GAY!" Because, at the end of the day, we are all under the same umbrella. We are all minority groups and we all want to scratch each others' backs and work towards acceptance. (Thus, the T and the Q in the LGBQT). It also makes me sad when gay bars say, "No, no, no....no more drag shows. I'm tired of gay being synonymous with men in dresses." No one in either of these communities is saying that. No gay person is saying all CDs are gay...no CD is saying that all gay people wear dresses. (Or, all lesbians wear trousers...or all bisexuals wear skirt suits so that they can have a blend of both haha). No. The people that are saying CDs are all gay are OUTSIDERS and they need to be informed. The best way to go about informing people isn't by just splitting up and making asses of ourself...the best way to go about it is be a united front about it.

Also, do I really have to bring up news articles where people are killed TODAY over their sexual preferences? Saying anyone's life is "easy" is something that can only be done when you haven't walked in that person's shoes. And though gays are still killed NOW IN THE UNITED STATES, let's think about what being gay means to the other 90% of the world. Still easy?

Furthermore, it is true that certain professions have dress codes that EVERYONE has to follow. For example, I cannot wear a skirt to work. I cannot wear a dress to work. I cannot wear open-toed shoes to work. My hair must be pulled back at work. Can't wear "excessive" jewelry...whatever that means. My nails cannot be "too long." Everyone has to do it for safety reasons. If you don't like the uniform..quit. I'd be a bit in a bid if I was Pentecostal. But, in reality with as much crap as I do, I know these rules are here for a reason and I really do agree with them. Dress how you want on your own time. If you feel your gender is a woman and therefore you must wear dresses 24/7...well, sucks for you. Even women have to follow the rules. You will wear the attire and you will smile...or you can get a new job. There's a high unemployment rate and someone can replace you tomorrow who won't b*tch about things that are probably required for a reason.

If your facility does Not have dress codes, you sure can show up in a skirt. In fact, people fired over dressing as a different gender have taken the matter to court...and they have won. It's sad you were fired, but I'm sure winning a law suit will make you happy. I think the argument was that firing because of dressing as another gender when there was no set dress code was ruled "unconstitutional." I'll research some links...just remember these things from gender class. But, yeah, if you are going to wear a skirt to work, don't forget your panty hose. Women actually had to fight to wear trousers to work. It's still unacceptable in some places for women to wear trousers. It's catching on though. But, women wearing skirts (better be about knee-length too) are required to wear panty hose and very maternal looking flats. It's not like we don't have restrictions and we can just roll up in a mini skirt and thigh highs and stilettos. Work clothes suck. That's why you WORK in them. It's not about looking sexy...it's about doing your job and looking professional.