My desire is not simply to be female; my desire is to be a beautiful one. Being a frumpy middle aged fat woman with no significant other (which basically is what I would become if I had SRS and hormone treatment at this stage of my life) would not be much different than my current life. If you had given me the choice at age 14 to become female, I would have jumped at it, as I would have been able to become more physically female (I didn't reach puberty until 17, and my sister was attractive so I imagine with proper surgery and hormone treatment, I would have been also. When dressed in her clothes in my early teens, I was rather pretty). Another part of the equation is that due to my early life's being tormented by males, I tend to find men repulsive, automatically suspect them of ulterior motives, and always think they're trying to take advantage of me in some way, so I would never have a heterosexual relationship if I had become female. So, knowing that gay women really aren't interested in MtF TSs, my life was pretty much a loss no matter which way I went.