Nature vs Nurture? Is CDing genetic, or learned (or both!)

[retrofitme]

I was raised in a single parent home. Though my father and I have a decent relationship now, when I was growing up, he just wasn't in the picture. My mom did an excellent job of raising me.

I wonder sometimes if there had been a strong male role model in the house, would I be less likely to CD? Or (from the opposite spectrum) would I be more secretive/closeted/ashamed about CDing, but still feel just as compelled to do so?

I have noticed in myself that I have some mannerisms that seem feminine to me - just little things like how I hold a coffee cup or how I stand sometimes. Did I learn these mannerisms from my mom, or is it genetic? It's hard to tell.

On the flip side, I have lots of mannerisms from my dad as well, that are clearly not learned because I had no opportunity to learn them. They are purely genetic (it's actually kind of amusing sometimes how alike our demeanors are). That said, I can't discount entirely the nurture aspects either - kids learn tons from us.

Maybe what I need to consider is that, as I am neither 100% masculine, nor am I 100% feminine; so too is it with my parents. They are a mix of traits as well, and I was handed both M and F traits from each of them. Hmmm, I'll have to ponder that one (you may ponder with me).

-Retro

[ricci]

Good question. My father and my older brother were strong male role models. Sometimes I wonder how much more feminine I would be without them.
When I was little, i wanted to dress and be like my mother and my father.
I used to have lots of feminine mannerism that my brother used to "correct". As he got older I have noticed he has loosened up his macho act a lot. And so have I.

[VioletJourney]

Both. The most widely accepted theory in modern psychology is that we have genetic tendencies which are shaped by the environment into specific behaviors.

[sissystephanie]

I became a crossdresser because I tried on a pair of my sisters rayon panties and became hooked!! My Mother died when I was only 7 and my Dad died when I was 14. I believe I did get some genetic tendencies from him, but probably also got a few from my mother! But I would have to go along with what Violet said about the environment shaping things. For the most part, I believe crossdressing is learned!!

BTW Reto, you have beautiful feet, but can you walk in those shoes??

[danielle40I]

I used to try to reason why I was doing something that society, for the most part, finds disconcerting at best. Why was I acting like this, spending hard earned money on things that would be percieved as frivilous and, by some, deviant? I suppose with age comes acceptance, without dwelling on the "why" and instead, loving the "is".

[Sophie86]

I wonder sometimes if there had been a strong male role model in the house, would I be less likely to CD?

My dad was a very good model of exactly the type of man I didn't want to be. Not wanting to be like him was a conscious choice though. It wasn't genetic.

[retrofitme]

...BTW Reto, you have beautiful feet, but can you walk in those shoes??

I'm learning to! I've found leg muscles I didn't know I had wearing those heels.

[Anne2345]

The most widely accepted theory in modern psychology is that we have genetic tendencies which are shaped by the environment into specific behaviors.

I am not well-schooled on the psychology of nature versus nature. However, recently, I wrote about my initial "awakening" when I was three and half years old. An aunt of mine painted my toes with a red polish. I loved it! It was a wonderful experience that I remember quite vividly even today. Shortly thereafter, I began trying on a younger sister's clothes. Since the clothes were too small of a size for me, one evening I was unable to remove a shirt. My mother removed it, punished me for wearing it, warned me never to wear my sister's clothes again, and that it was wrong to do so. Boys simply do not wear girls clothes!

My father was a very strong male role model and influence. He raised me to be an athlete. Football, basketball, etc. The stakes were high, and he was deadset serious about me being successful in athletics. There was no hint of "girlieness" in how he raised me.

As society slowly dug its claws into my psyche as I grew up, and tainted how I viewed myself, and my desire to express my feminine side, I began to hate myself for who I was. I fought against the urges and the need. I felt I was broken. And yet, I could not stop. The more I dressed, the more despondent I became. I did not want to be a crossdresser. I did not want a feminine side. It took me many years to come to terms with this, and accept it for what it is - a wonderful gift!

With the exception of my aunt painting my toes, I know of no other instances within my development where this side of myself has been developed (with the exception of my wife's acceptance of me). Certainly, I believe that nurture can play a role in crossdressing. But for me, I have to lean towards nature.

[Kate Simmons]

CDing is an inherent skill many have by virtue of their individual DNA grid program. It can either be developed or ignored, that is the choice WE make.

[Joanne f]

I think it has to be in your nature to start with and then if you allow yourself to accept it you start to nurture it .

[ReineD]

My personal opinion: both.

Speaking strictly of CDers here and not TSs, I think first there has to be a predisposition (nature) to explore it. Also I think that the method of exploration that is most significant, during the teenage years when it is intensely sexual (nurture) for most CDing males, causes some brain connections to be made that last a lifetime. It's almost like the intense connections that people make when they first fall in love. A bonding takes place that survives the test of time, even after all these intense sexual feelings about one another calm down after many years.

I've often wondered if the majority male CDers (and not TSs) who did not experience any sexual gratification over the dressing as teenagers/young men, if there would have been as serious an interest to present as a woman going into the later phases of adulthood.

On the subject of having some feminine mannerisms, this varies among people whether or not they feel the need to cross the gender lines. I know a female phys-ed teacher who is decidedly more on the masculine side in the way she walks, talks, and dresses, yet she is happy in her female gender. I also know some men who are more feminine in their absence of interest in stereotypical pursuits such as sports and cars, who care about the "finer" things in life, who even sit or manipulate eating or drinking utensils in the same way a woman might (maybe they are more dexterous or their mothers were rigid with table manners), yet they are solid in their male genders.

[Eryn]

I was raised in a single parent home. Though my father and I have a decent relationship now, when I was growing up, he just wasn't in the picture. My mom did an excellent job of raising me.

I wonder sometimes if there had been a strong male role model in the house, would I be less likely to CD? Or (from the opposite spectrum) would I be more secretive/closeted/ashamed about CDing, but still feel just as compelled to do so?

I think that the latter is likely. I had that strong male role model and I think that it did push me back into the closet to the point where it prevented my understanding and acceptance of myself for a very long time.

Please understand that I don't blame my father at all for this. He did a good job of parenting and never directed me away from CDing. CDing was just so far away from the example he set (think of John Wayne in The Shootist) that I didn't consider it to be in my spectrum of possiblities.

I've often wondered if the majority male CDers (and not TSs) who did not experience any sexual gratification over the dressing as teenagers/young men, if there would have been as serious an interest to present as a woman going into the later phases of adulthood.

Hmm, considering the testosterone-laced nature of adolescence and young adulthood, I think it is next to impossible for any young hetero male to have contact with things feminine without arousal. Touch pantyhose-->Think of women-->Get aroused--->Dot, dot, dot. There may be exceptions, but they would be candidates for the priesthood!

...I also know some men who are more feminine in their absence of interest in stereotypical pursuits such as sports and cars, who care about the "finer" things in life, who even sit or manipulate eating or drinking utensils in the same way a woman might (maybe they are more dexterous or their mothers were rigid with table manners), yet they are solid in their male genders.

My father was one of the most masculine people I knew, a rancher and a Diesel mechanic, but he made very sure that I knew what to do with each implement at the table. I think that this was more a product of the era than of gender roles.

[Stephanie Miller]

Neither. I think we were brainwashed! Yep, that's it. Because females mature faster than the normal male, they are obviously more suseptible to suggestion. Therefore it is MY conclusion that CD's/TS's fall into that same inteligent and faster maturity than regular males and therefore......... are more suseptible to. Ta Da. Figured it out.
I mean really, they got us coming and going. What little boy didn't want to be a fireman when growing up?
(Now, where did I put my tin foil hat?)

[wino_tg_girl]

If being from a single parent (mother) home did it, then there would be a lot more girls like us. It's disgusting how many single moms there are. I'm from a single parent home and am a crossdresser, but I don't really think it is the cause. Sometimes I feel more like a girl than a guy. I love makeup and fashion. It thrills me emotionally and sexually to look pretty. I'm attracted to females only. I'm a non-traditional male who loves to crossdress. That's just who I am. I simply have a more female brain genetically.

[Sophie86]

My father was a very strong male role model and influence. He raised me to be an athlete. Football, basketball, etc. The stakes were high, and he was deadset serious about me being successful in athletics. There was no hint of "girlieness" in how he raised me.

But couldn't that very attempt to "make a man out of you" have had the opposite effect? In my own life, I've identified two ways I think that might have played out. One is that it turned everything associated with girlishness into forbidden fruit, and we all know how tasty forbidden fruit is. The other is that it made dressing up feel like an escape from the pressure of being male.

Neither. I think we were brainwashed!

Hey don't sell that idea short. I remember going through the Sears catalog with my sister playing a game we called "Pick". She would turn the page, and we would each quickly pick which female model we thought was the prettiest. She would always stop the game when we got to the underwear ads, so of course, I'd have to go look at those on my own.

[Cynthia Anne]

I have no reason to beleive that it had anything to do with the way I was raised! As Anne explained what took place when she was three and a half and then how she was raised is almost identical too my life! Nature works wonders!

[SweetIonis]

My personal opinion: both.

Speaking strictly of CDers here and not TSs, I think first there has to be a predisposition (nature) to explore it. Also I think that the method of exploration that is most significant, during the teenage years when it is intensely sexual (nurture) for most CDing males, causes some brain connections to be made that last a lifetime. It's almost like the intense connections that people make when they first fall in love. A bonding takes place that survives the test of time, even after all these intense sexual feelings about one another calm down after many years.

I've often wondered if the majority male CDers (and not TSs) who did not experience any sexual gratification over the dressing as teenagers/young men, if there would have been as serious an interest to present as a woman going into the later phases of adulthood.

That's an interesting response. I know for me I had little interest in girl things growing up. But I remember, right around the start of puberty, something made me put on a pair of panties. I think it was totally out of curiosity. But it totally amazed me the feeling. It was so far out, but not often, but every now and then I would put on a pair just to reproduce that feeling. Later on as an adult, I actually went out and bought an outfit. The results really amazed me.

Any rate, just ramblin. This is a tough question. It will be interesting to see how all of you grapple with it.

[Samantha43]

I think in my case it must be genetic. I was raised in the ideal American family....Leave it to Beaver comes to mind.... I had wonderful parents. My dad was my role model. I was his only Son and we did everything together. I hope I have been as good a father and man as he was.

I have been driven to wear feminine clothing since a very young age. I can't believe that it was a learned trait with him being such a positive role model in my youth.

[Schatten Lupus]

It is both, like many things in life. However a better question is which degree of each effects us.

[sissystephanie]

I think in my case it must be genetic. I was raised in the ideal American family....Leave it to Beaver comes to mind.... I had wonderful parents. My dad was my role model. I was his only Son and we did everything together. I hope I have been as good a father and man as he was.

I have been driven to wear feminine clothing since a very young age. I can't believe that it was a learned trait with him being such a positive role model in my youth.

Samantha, I would have to believe that you being a CD was a learned trait, and not at all genetic. You stated that you had been "driven to wear feminine clothes" since a very young age. What drove you? It wasn't your mom or dad! Maybe a sister? I'm guessing it was the feel of those clothes on your body! That is learned, not anything you had genetically! Of course, I could be way off base, but I really don't think so! I have been a CD for way too long!! BTW, you really are a sexy lady!!

[sarahNZ]

Both. The most widely accepted theory in modern psychology is that we have genetic tendencies which are shaped by the environment into specific behaviors.

I was watching an interesting time sudy of children last night, and they seem to think that ones self awarenes starts to blossom at around the age of 2, and the many life factors eg family happyness, percieved equality can start to come into play.

I know in my experience it was about this age that my sister started putting me in her clothes for fun, bluring my perseption of gender. (Just to be clear I don't actually remember the events conciously, but mum still has the photos to prove it.) Not long after then I discovered that girls get treated diferently than boys, eg it was always me (the boy) that was told off and punished even when my sister started it! Or sis brike my toy so I broke hers... who do you think caught the blame?! Of course "it was better to be a girl"

Grown up a few more years and Dad found the door so now my only role models were Mum and Sis, by age 10 I knew more about being a woman than being a man (hell one of my barrack mates had to teach me how to shave my face properly although I already know how to shave my legs without getting cut, what does that say?)

[Samantha43]

Samantha, I would have to believe that you being a CD was a learned trait, and not at all genetic. You stated that you had been "driven to wear feminine clothes" since a very young age. What drove you? It wasn't your mom or dad! Maybe a sister? I'm guessing it was the feel of those clothes on your body! That is learned, not anything you had genetically! Of course, I could be way off base, but I really don't think so! I have been a CD for way too long!! BTW, you really are a sexy lady!!

Hi Stephanie. I was driven and had the desire to wear feminine clothing since I can remember. I never acted on it until I was a teenager. My sisters are several years younger than me, so they didn't have an influence. Once I tried the clothes on and felt them on my body I was hooked, but the desire was there way before then. I really don't believe it was a learned trait in my case. Thanks for the compliment!

[JenniferR771]

Mysterious question. The best proof of this is to examine twin boys, (genetically alike). If any cases occur where one is a crossdresser and the other is not--then it is not genetic--in the usual sense. And what happens if a woman who has several cd brothers...marries a crossdresser. Will there be crossdressers in their offspring? It is near impossible to study this due to the secrecy and reticence of the crossdressing population.

Gay men are also baffling when one tries to study the cause. Since gay men seldom reproduce, gayness cannot be genetic. And yet--in twin brothers there is a 40 percent concordance in sexual orientation. (See Wikipedia).

And what happens if a gay man marries a gay woman? (Not much of course).

[SweetIonis]

And what happens if a gay man marries a gay woman? (Not much of course).

LMAO!!! GOOD ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That was great!!!

[Sarasometimes]

I believe it is nature and some nurture. We all start out female and based on the amount of estrogen we are exposed to during early gestation we may become males. My belief is that I was exposed to a level of estrogen that result in me being male but on the feminine side of that gender. Think of a number line and macho is at one end and girly girl is at the other. I'm on the girly girl side enough to want to express my gender identity by crossdressing. My belief.