And here's number ten!
Alright, update. Things are now going well. Marla kept me from going insane last night, thank you again. Against my better judgment of leaving him alone, I decided to email him last night. After all, that's how we always do our best communicating because we can think things through thoroughly, edit how we're speaking to each other, and fully get our thoughts out. I sent him an email with the research I'd been doing since Wednesday, and I also sent him this thread because you ladies have given me some amazing advice and compassion. I honestly can say I couldn't be where I am right now without you. Seriously.
I also included a personal message in the email and told him what I had done with the forum, and asked him not to be angry because I thought he might feel like I "told" on him. I haven't told a single soul in my real life, and I intend to keep it that way. This is incredibly personal to him, and I respect that. And hey, it's kinda flattering being one of only two people in his life who know. :p I told him it took me a long time to read all of your responses, but that it's definitely worth his time to read all that you've had to say because it really helped me understand. As I said, he's only been doing this for about 4 years and is very new compared to most of you. I now feel like it's my job to help him embrace this and help him through it..and I'm happy taking on that role.
I also told him that I feel like his needs are taking priority over mine. I needed him more than ever these past few days, but I felt abandoned. I completely understood that he must be feeling disgusting about himself, but that's why I kept sending encouraging texts to let him know I still love him, nothing has changed, and that I forgive him. I no longer feel betrayed by him, and this incident has not affected my trust in him. I completely understand why he didn't tell me, and I actually feel lucky that I found out so soon, unlike nearly all of your stories. So I told him that I'll give him this weekend as the space he needs (we only spend weekends together because we're about an hour apart), but that I don't know where our relationship lies, and it's breaking my heart. Because he wouldn't tell me what he was feeling or thinking, I thought the worst and thought he was considering breaking up. So, I've been miserable. I told him that I'd really like to just forget that Wednesday ever happened and continue being us like normal. If we don't talk about the CD business for a little while, that's just fine...because we're still who we were last week.
I woke up this afternoon with a wonderful email back from him. He thanked me from the bottom of his heart for reaching out to the forum to understand him. He isn't angry, and he discussed the concerns he's been having. He's basically worried that I no longer trust him because of this and that it has damaged our relationship. He's very sorry and never wanted to hurt me like this. Like you all were, he was also concerned about nauseating me, which I clarified that it doesn't nauseate me, as I explained to all of you. I apparently didn't communicate that point clearly to anyone..haha.
He's not sure if he wants to stop or not, but did explain to me why he does it and what he feels. He's also concerned about my image of him now. If I don't see him as a man anymore, if every time he buys me something if I'll attribute it his feminine side, if I'll throw nasty comments at him about it in a fight, and if he can actually trust me with this information. He also feels, like I do, that our relationship has somehow taken a hit because of this, and wants to make sure our relationship is in good standing before we even address the CDing. He said he wants to space for both of us to calm our emotions, and remember why we love each other and why we're together.
So, I wrote back and I hope I eased his mind about everything. I told him again that I forgive him for not telling me, it did not diminish my trust in him, I understand why he didn't tell me and don't fault him for it, I accept him for who he is, I fully support him in whatever choice he makes, I'm willing to dress with him to try it out then perhaps do couple things you all have suggested like shopping or laying out clothes for him, I still feel our relationship is the same, I will NEVER throw it in his face, his secret is completely safe with me, that I want to move on from this, and dammit, that I'm actually a little excited to explore this with him.
I also told him that I don't think we need time apart right now, we need time together. We need some normalcy to get back on track, and right now we need each other the most. I said that even if we just lay there holding each other without even speaking, that that's all we need right now. I already have a calm head, and I already remember why we love each other and why we're together. So, as I said, I have a gig tonight near his place, so I suggested that we compromise and I come over after my gig around midnight. That way he got 2/3 of the weekend alone, and I get to see him for one day. I also said I recognize that he's asked for his time alone, so if he feels at any point that he still wants to be alone, I won't be offended and I'll leave. I thought that was a pretty good compromise. I even said that if he's feeling stressed out today still, that maybe he should throw on a skirt to release some anxiety.I said to do it because I know he's doing it, he enjoys it, I accept it, I respect it, and he shouldn't have anything to feel guilty about because I know about it. So we'll see what he says. I'll be pretty bummed out if he tells me not to come over, but I'm pretty sure he won't. He really is a great man, he cares about me, wants to make me happy, and often makes concessions to make me happy. After all the emotions we've felt this week, and how much closer we are because there are no secrets between us, perhaps we'll make the best love we've ever made tonight.
So once again, thank you ladies for all of your help. I couldn't have done it without you. You're truly amazing people, and if I can ever help you with anything, please let me know.
I'm healed!!!!!!
Originally Posted by InShock
Pass the tissues.
to the crossdressers.com community. I hope you will have seen from this thread that we are a fairly friendly bunch of people who like to support one another.
