This is tangential to your discussion with Shannon, but I want to mention, it is the CDing husband's responsibility to educate his wife. A TS will reach a point where she feels no choice other than be who she is. There can no longer be compromise, which is unfortunate for her family if they are not on board with the transition or the living full-time, but it is what it is. They split up and move on with their lives. Of if the family is on board, they work through it.Originally Posted by Lea Paine
But, many of the CDs who are having issues with their wives are NOT standing up to say, "this is a part of who I am and I need to express myself occasionally". Instead, many remain silent out of a desire to not rock the boat, and instead come here to post their frustrations. Heck, we have members here who are even reluctant to say they are transgender and they tell themselves and everyone the CDing is just something they DO, which perpetuates the idea that it is a choice. If these members are dressing openly in front of their wives and the CDing is just a pasttime for them that's fine, but it is not good to keep it a secret out of a reluctance to address the issue especially if it is more than just a hobby.
There are CDers who haven't reached the level of full self-acceptance and deep down they continue to feel guilty for putting their wives through having to be married to a CDer. So they are torn internally between feeling a need to dress and also agreeing with their wives' positions that it is bad to put a marriage through this. So, they suffer in silence, or hide while telling themselves there is no harm in engaging in a pastime their wives don't approve of, or they build resentments over having to repress themselves to the point where divorce looms a few years down the road.
And in the midst of this rat's nest of misunderstanding and strife, a popular coping mechanism is to escape in a fantasy world or give into some of the compulsive behaviors that can be associated with the CDing, which makes matters even worse on the home front. It's like trying to keep the dam from leaking with an index finger, or keep the lid on a ventless pressure cooker with a piece of tape.
It's difficult on everyone and the best solution in my opinion is to put all cards out on the table and get real. And then deal with the consequences ... like pulling a band-aid off quickly rather than prolonging the pain.
And by putting the cards on the table, I mean acknowledging to the Self and the Other that the CDing is a need and not a choice.
