Yep it was me..

[suchacutie]

Ok, I'll take a crack at this. First of all, SweetPea, I have found nothing the least bit offensive in any of the posts of yours that I have ever read. I found the "anonymous" post rather stimulating, frankly. Then again, I don't get bent out of shape easily!

I will give you my take on the issue of maturity or the lack thereof: When Tina first appeared to my wife and me, Tina was a complete novice. She knew nothing at all about being a girl, and what she thought she knew was wrong. My wife and I started to attemp to understand the lack of knowledge of "all things feminine" and we discovered that our experiences growing up, being socialized as a boy vs a girl were strikingly different. One discussion we had focussed on when girls "experiment" with different aspects of what they are expected to "know or be" when they mature into women. This discussion included topics like makeup, clothes, shoes, lingerie, and then moved into topics about psychology and other expectations/desires. At that point she said, "in that framework, Tina is about 3 years old" (btw, she now thinks Tina is well into adolescence!) So, what would a three-year old be into? Those wonder-girl panties you mentioned would be appropriate, maybe the beginning of earrings and jewelry? Soon thereafter a fascination with nail polish and some aspects of makeup, etc.

So, I really do believe that you have observed correctly that those here who have accepted their feminine selves the longest appear to act more maturely because they have gone through the "growing up" process that every child goes through. We M2F transgenderds mostly were socialized as boys, and to transition to our mature feminine selves we seem to have to go through the whole growing-up process as girls. It surely happens faster as adults, but it seems we have to gain that experience, and especially have to "talk it out". I posted in that "what color are your panties" thread soon after I got here, but then I just moved on.

Lastly, thank you for being here. Asking why we do anything, whether we ask ourselves or others ask us, is an important part of the development of our feminine selves. I hope that your SO will come to that understanding soon.

best
tina

[Kathy Smith]

Hiya SweetPea,
No offence taken. I doubt very much if you could have offended anyone on here anyway! By and large I think we're a pretty thick-skinned lot (most of the time). :-)

Keep thinking positive, the negative junk will sort itself out if you do that. We're all here for you if you feel that you need help/support.
}}cuddles{{

[susan54]

SweetPea - I am so sorry your partner is being so uncommunicative about this. The problem seems to be that he is failing to share his feelings rather than that he dresses in women's clothes.

I find I have little in common with other CDs and nothing at all with TSs, or the CDs who want to attract men. Like you I find the panties stuff a bit tedious -I don't think I have even opened the thread let alone posted to it! My main worry about the wide range of topics posted here is what a woman who has just found out that her husband wears women's clothes and is worried, might think. What conclusions might she jump to? Do the members on the outer reaches of gender post more than those of us in more 'balanced' circumstances (I know this is a value judgement but can't think how else to put it). I am not saying that there is anything wrong with any of this, just that it might not be entirely representative,and some aspects might worry partners more than others.

I have no answers to any of this, I fear. For me, (and I may not be representative either), I like skirts and dresses and everything that looks good with them. When I go out I want to look lovely in a way that impresses women, and I am not that bothered about passing as a woman. I am just acting. The idea of going out dressed as a woman in trousers defeats the purpose. Putting a stunning outfit together is fun - fun you simply can't have in everyday menswear. I fear fun does not really equate with refusing to talk with your partner -but |I hope it works out for you.

[Ashley_Marie]

I agree on all your points, Sweetpea. I never understood the desire to post what color underwear one is wearing. I look at that as being between me and well me. Some of the posts to me appear juvenile as well. Sometimes I am like grow up people (CDers) this is not what a woman is, they don't go talking about such things between each other. Most CDers don't get what being a woman is like and never will. Even though I was raised by a single mother and I sure tend to act more feminine then I should. But even I don't get what its like to be a woman.

It goes beyond the clothes, the clothes are simply trappings, it's whats on the inside that matters. And its like that with me. Not sure how many CDers are like Susan above. While I do have Skirts and Dresses, their not the end all be all for me. Take now for example while I am wearing women's clothes, yes, I have on a t-shirt and jeans. No skirt, no dress. When I do go out, I generally am again wearing a t-shirt and jeans. If you watch some of the folks here they say when dressed they don't wear slacks or jeans, just dresses or a blouse and skirt.

And there is no need to apologize, not for asking questions. Not for wanting to know more about this.

[Savannah Smiles]

Shana, I'll take a stab at the panty thread. I posted in it because it's popular. We are totally anonymous here. I found it like bragging, I'm a Cder and I'm wearing these sexy little panties today. I found it totally harmless, but now avoiding it based on opionion. I didn't post in the what would you prefer breasts or vagina, but didn't find it offensive. I think most people have wondered what it would be like to have been born the opposite sex. I hear of "penis envy" from genetic women, maybe it's similar, I don't know. Some of the threads are just for fun, and harmless, and not meant to offend anybody.

I posted in both threads. Imagine spending decades in the closet all by yourself, and finally finding an accepting place. Of course you would want to share the parts of your life that would be building up over the years. Maybe it's immature, or just part of the "coming out" cycle @Shananigans described.

That said, my heart goes out to the OP, because I know she is hurt and she is in pain. Please, don't let a few CDs "letting their hair down," get YOU down. I hope you find comfort and encouragement from the sympathetic community, and that your husband learns how to be more sensitive to your feelings.

[Josie M]

Ok...fair is fair is suppose, I should be honest as well. The original post did seem to paint us all with the same brush and the "anonymous" tag didn't help. I was planning to just ignore the post an move on then another thread referred to it and I jumped in anyway.

I really don't post about the underwear I have on and I've never considered which particular "female parts" I would prefer to have. I actually consider that kind of a weird question.

This simple fact is, a part of me likes to express myself as female and, for that, a lot of people tend to label me as some kind of pervert. Your original post made it seem like maybe you were one of those people which is why I initially sought to ignore you.

I'm sorry your SO withheld this from you for so long....that wasn't fair to you at all. In my case, it was while I was dating my future wife that I realized this would never just "go away" and I came out to her before we got married. It was one of the hardest things I ever did. I just came to terms with it myself and now I had share it with someone very close to me for no other reason than I knew she had to know. Acceptance was a process for her but it ultimately worked out. I got a lot of questions about sexual orientation, she had to learn that sexual identity and sexual orientation are not the same thing. In the end, it all worked out.

On the plus side, by making this post, you've encouraged a lot of us (CD and GGs) to express many things that seemed to just be under the surface. So, in then end, I think your honest expression encouraged a lot of good conversation.

.....and you shouldn't feel like you have to post anonymously here...we're supposed to be a supportive community

[docrobbysherry]

I really like how you related this back to GGs and talked about it in a way from our experiences. I definitely know how exciting it can be to go out and look cute and want to show off. (It didn't end at junior high haha). But, I still think it's interesting that there are threads that are like, "What underwear do you wear? What's your favorite?" Underwear is pretty cute and all, but I don't really talk to my friends about them. I remember when I got my first thong...I was in high school. It was pretty tacky...it was like this silk zebra print thong...it looked like something a male stripper would wear haha! But, I went with a friend and we felt pretty scandalous about buying this "sexy" underwear. The only conversation that we had really about it was that we wanted to wear low-cut jeans so our boyfriend's could see it. (We were like 14...give me a break lol). And, we also talked about how we were going to hide it in the laundry. My mom found my thong one day and said, "Well, I hope you didn't spend $10 on these." It totally wasn't a big deal. And, that's about when my underwear conversations stopped...I realized they weren't a big deal. My friend and I were talking about the VS fashion show recently and somehow this got to conversations on cheekies versus thongs. We both decided that they were nice, but she said thongs just weren't as comfortable (frontal wedgie potential). And, I recommended a brand that I wear (that's not VS). But, I never get into convos with my friends about what they are wearing, what color, what style... It reminds me of way back in the day when chat rooms were cool. These pervie men would message me privately and say, "ASL?" (Age, Sex, Location). And, I would say, "Uhmmm hi...I'm 15/F/AL." Immediately afterwards it would be, "What color underwear are you wearing?" It was fun to mess with them with, "Knee length boxers in magenta and gold...there's a stain on the back of them though." I always wondered like WHY the color of my underwear? I think women are hot too...and, I think my SO is hot dressed. But, I don't really care what style or underwear she wears. I know it's a big deal to some CDs....but, like...why is it thread worthy? And, perhaps, we will never know. But, it does bring me back to those "ASL and what color panties are you wearing" days.

Again, I really liked reading your response and I could definitely relate

I was hoping to relate what it's like for us! Me, anyway! Remember, males r very visual oriented. I've read that and I think Sherry is an affermation of that male characteristic, Shannon!

Yeah, I agree. The panty threads don't bother me, but I think that it could bother a lot of SOs because it kind of makes you wonder, "Why is my SO sharing this stuff online?" I don't know...but, I can see where some issues might come up.---------------------------
But, I do know quite a few women without breasts...

As a straight guy, I've never cared a whit about what color panty my GF or Sherry is wearing. So, why would I be interested in what color banana hammock some guy here is wearing? On the other hand, that's MY mental image! Since guys r visual, I expect they see a difference image in their minds. I still can't explain the popularity of "panty" threads, unless most r gay, bi, or in denial! Seems so to me, anyway!

When u mention, "small breasted women", it sounds like you've met most of my GFs and ex, Shannon! While they all have small breasts, they all have nipples MUCH larger than mine! (That's the functional part of a breast!) Mine r still much smaller and I expanded them years ago using suction devices. As I'm SURE u know, nipples r a most effective turn on device for humans! The rest of the breast looks nice in a gown, but is really just pretty addiposte tissue! So, no one should downplay a GG's sexuality because of their breast size! I don't think u can measure CDs sexuality the same way!

[Clueless]

I hope you didn't feel attacked in my reply to your Anon post. I didn't feel you were attacking me or other CDers at all, just trying to understand things. I tried answering as best as I could, but missed what you were getting at of course. I'm sorry that others got offended & hostile towards you. I did notice a lack of apologizes from them, after your response was posted Some CDers should keep an open mind & not jump to conclusions. CDers: just because you may have had problems with what or whom ever in your life, don't let that cloud your perception of what others are talking or asking about.

I think many CDers (myself included) could learn a lot from the GGs here. Why bring your baggage in & use it to drive them away? It also seems like there is a bit of a subconscious territorial mindset here with some members. IMO this section of the forum would be lame without input from everybody: TS, GG & CD (descending alphabetical order chosen not "ranking" for the hypersensitive), not just one group. SweetPea has some very valid points. A CDer Etiquette sticky thread with GG only replies would be great. Dear ReineD....

I posted in the panty color section for one of my 1st 10 posts & wearing panties was still a bit exciting for me then. Now it's no big deal, just undies. B or V, not my cup of tea BTW what does goes on in the GM section? Never even noticed it before this thread.

[Ashley_Marie]

BTW what does goes on in the GM section? Never even noticed it before this thread.

I never noticed the GM section till today either.

[SarahLynn]

....... And ....why do some participate in the panty color thread the breasts or vagina thread and others that seem so Juvenal to me being a grown woman. I have words for actual women who flaunt their panty info or talk about things to basically get attention like that. That's not what emulating a woman is really about or at least IMO. Yet I see the excuse of that some of you are in that "young girl" stage but yet that just kinda makes me sick thinking about it since really you all are grown men so what's wrong with acting like a grown "woman".

When I first came to these forums I looked in this section. It took my breath away and not in a positive way. WHY can't you all post some of the topics in your GMA section. Away from new wife/gf eyes. Some things can hurt a lot and then we come to the conclusion that heck you all must think like this topic. But then again I think some of these topics you must want in the section to somehow "show off"......

SweetPea, i too have often wondered such as you ask and state here. Children, not adults talk like this. And yet it's about life. It's how some people think. Not all the time, not every day, still the do. That you have been hurt in your personal relationship, then come here and are hurt again, it's not fair. Then again life isn't fair, it's life. If you believe in God then you know he/she doesn't put you through what he/she can't get you through.

If you believe you have been abused here then i am truely sorry for that, it doesn't show us in a good light. Certainly it doesn't show the abuser in a good light, or the forum owners and mods. As to the childish threads seen, we all of us, yourself included, can't be serious all the time and some of this is really funny. Some is just sick and as you say shouldn't be in an open forum. I ignore such threads which i believe are not in good taste. I would advise you to do the same.

SarahLynn

[Aprilrain]

I think im wearing Hanes cotton prints, regular bikinis, boy shorts just don't cut it! not really sure though since I put them on in the dark before I had coffee. I do know there is a hole along the seam on one side and they will probably completely fall apart soon. I have some pink VS panties, their cute and all but they don't hold the tuck in so there pretty much useless to me kinda like the bra I bought from VS too. Apparently their measuring tape shrunk in the wash because a 34 isn't really a 34!

OH wait this isn't a panty thread??

[heidi99]

SweetPea,

As one who may have been a little harsh in responding to the MANNER and TONE in which the question was delivered, I want to state that I was NOT invalidating your feelings (to do so would definitely be a shameful act.) Based on your post in this current thread, it is clear that you are hurting, and I do so truly wish things were different and better in your life. I only really have half the story, so I can't give you any thoughts as to why your husband may not be more "partner-like" in this situation. It is unusual for a person who has been hiding something for so long that finally comes to light not to be a little more repentant and understanding of your hurt. There may be something more that is hidden. I do pray that your tomorrow's will get better.

[Violetgray]

Sweetpea A lot of things have been said thus far that more than cover what I would have said, but in the OP you said:

"Yet I see the excuse of that some of you are in that "young girl" stage but yet that just kinda makes me sick thinking about it since really you all are grown men so what's wrong with acting like a grown "woman".

Growing up is a process that involves discovery of both one's self and the world around them, and the cumulative result of experiences. It's a progression, not a decision. Think about how much experience you have being a woman, versus how much experience the average crossdresser has being a woman. Most here are grown men. But growing means learning, and learning the femme self can be like starting all over again.

I remember when I first started I simply *had* to wear heels and dresses, and show off my cleavage techniques. Now that I'm more comfortable as Violet, I'll wear pants, flats, sometimes I'll just slum it!

[LeaP]

When I first came to these forums I looked in this section. It took my breath away and not in a positive way.

I want to respond to just this question & comment because it describes your initial reaction so well. It resonates with me because I had a similar reaction. It's sort of like a movie scene where someone pushes open a door into another scene - think The Wizard of Oz where the doors into the Emerald City are opened. OMG! Just LOOK at all this! Some of it is beautiful and some of it is a little weird!

Yet, we're both here. I suspect for the same reason. That there's enough useful content, from our respective points of view, to make the rest irrelevant. The problem is that, as social creatures, we worry about associations. In that respect, I'd prefer to treat the site as the mall. I don't have to go into every store and there are many in which I have absolutely no interest whatsoever.

It's a little more complex than that, though. We run into friends in the stores we do like who just came from the stores we think are silly - like shopping in Nordstrom with grown-ups dressed in Halloween costomes who were just playing with the stuff in Toys-R-Us. (I'm not trying to offend anyone here, analogies only go so far!) So maybe it's more of a mash-up instead of a mall.

In the end I reconciled the weirdness with this fact: There is nowhere else to go where there are so many of us who can intelligently address my concerns, almost real-time, in fact. I post a real need, I get a real answer. I read the forum for a long time before joining. After walking through the Emerald City doors and hanging around for a while, my sensitivity to the things for which I don't care has gone down. More than mere desensitization, I'm learning, once again in life, to live and let live with more generousity than I started with.

I hope this helps.

Lea

[Sarasometimes]

SweetPea, Thanks for the explanation and I'm sorry to hear about your difficulties. I think you could benefit from some counseling if you can afford to do so. I'm not saying this so you can learn how to be more accepting but for your own self. A skilled therapist can help you put things in perspective. Sure you try to make your husband happy, but you need to do that for yourself as well. Since he isn't up for talking I think you need to find someone who is.
As my reply to the post Reine forwarded stated, there are as many variations of CDer's as any other "group". What your husband does or needs is one variety. You need to figure out if you two can happily work through this. Being sad most days is not healthy. I wish you the best and I hope you can find some helpful support to gain happiness again.

[SweetPea_GG]

First off I want to thank you all for replying positively to my thread here.

Cindyo So many things in our lives are similar and some are very different. yet we share a lot of the same views on things. I am very glad to have met you on here and that we have connected. its good to know im not alone in the way I feel sometimes.

Jimbo55Hall Thank you for replying. And yes the first post was a bit more rough as somtimes when I have thoughts running through my head its hard for me to spill out what I am trying to say in text. But I think this whole process has made all of us think a bit more and in good ways. I am glad there has been a positive outcome now.

Sue Thank you for understanding and letting me know that I dont need to apologise for everything. Its a habbit of mine and I know I need to break it. I do hope that in the future more "learning and discussion" type posts will be posted here. I do see some but then they are water down by what I like to think of as the "pink fog or unicorn and glitter" posts.

Marleena Thanks so much! And yes a lot of things arnt caused by CDing itself but sometimes its the fuel that is helping the fire burn lol.. I am despertly looking for my water! haha

RuthM Thanks Ruth! I agree acceptance is a 2 way street.. at times I feel like mines on a dead end with a big brick wall but I do pray and hope that he does brake down his at sometime and then we can work together.

BRANDYJ Again as you know BrandyJ I am so lucky to have you as a friend. your words over and over are always inspiring to me. I know if I am having a very hard time that I can come to you with anything and you will not judge me but will be there with open arms.

Shananigans I want to be you.. or atleast have your mind. You are so very smart and so level headed it seems on the forums. your acceptance I am jealous of. I do wish for that when I strive to try and accept these things but over time the lies and hiding have scard me. But I am trying... who knows maybe one day I will reach that point of acceptance and find balance.. I never give up.

LeannL Thank you for making me feel valid and that I have a place here. I am glad that someone does agree with me that some topics really should be placed in the MaB section. Sometimes I worry about new wives or GFs coming and trying to find out about CDing and reading some of the "over the top" posting..

taÃ*s Thank you.. Encouraging words do help and give me hope.

Marissa333 you are probably right that I will always have a bad taste in my mouth about Cding.. although I have many CD friends here and it doesnt even bother me of what they wear or look like or like etc.. it just hit me hard when it was someone I love so deeply who had lied from the beginning that makes it getting over it harder. I just really wanted to make clear that I have no CDing issues to anyone here.. to each his/her own.. its just a total different story when its a spouse.. maybe that makes me a hypocrite. lol

Miranda09 I dont think anything can make me stop posting here.. well unless the power all goes out and all our computer blow up lol.. but thank you so much for your sweet reply! =)

Dana7 I am very glad that I have made you think and others think and ponder my questions. I think that we all learn on a daily basis.. it might not be something we agree with but we learn other views and take in different statements. There are so many out there with some great opinions and views on the issues.. some might be a bit shy or scared to get yelled at for feeling how they feel in his area.. but I do hope that some will step up and ask the really hard questions.. they are what leads to good discussions if everyone plays nice =)

jillleanne your reply warmed my heart and made me smile.. for that fact that you are a total stranger for me yet your vibe you sent me was very caring and warm. Thank you for that I needed that today!

Julogden I had thought in my orginal post that I said some and not ALL.. I dont like to group a certian type of ppl in one group.. everyone is different this I know of =) I was not asking the question before to take out my issues on you all. My orginal question really had nothing to do with my marriage but with what I have observed on this forum area for a year now.. and I was curious.. so I asked and asked in the safe way that I knew how to at the time. If I sounded like I grouped everyone into the same category then I apologize.

Cynthia Anne thanks for the reply. Yes my post here probably made my SO sound selfish.. and everything I did say is true but its not like this is a 24x7 thing,. He has many good things that I love about him as well as non CD things that make me wanna scream lol.. but I think this is true about all relationships that we all get the good the bad and the ugly.. but what we live for is the good.. what we strive to see is the good. We have moments where we are down and can only see the bad.. thas when we need friends like I have here to show us that they care. =)

Baby Steps This is gonna sound silly after my previous reply above but I do hope that he does see everything I do on a daily basis.. there are many times when I feel taken for granted.. But im hanging in there cause ive come to far to just give up and my heart doesnt want to give up.

TGMarla I am so glad your replied and talked about if the roles were reversed. I dont think that view is looked at much on here.. although I know the topic was reciently started.. although to be very honest with everyone I really dont think some of the replies were fully honest and fully thought through.. but its a hard issue to even wrap your brain about.. I see myself as open minded.. or atleast I thought I was.. but then I learned what I did and I guess im not as open minded as I thought.. cause the one person in my life who I cant get over with this issue is my husband.. all others im fine with it doesnt bother me.. with him it does..

docrobbysherry your quote about a happy momma makes me think of another quote which is "happy Wife = happy life" lol.. its true though that in a relationship or marriage it needs to be 50/50.. and well mine is far from that.. but its better then what it was when we first started out.. we were SO very young then.. but I do hope that things even out more.. I would be happy with even 35/65 lol

Rachel Flowers Thank you Rachel for your reply and for explaining and few things in your view.. although the "younger" female inside thing just still creeps me out with grown men but hey there are worse things in life I guess lol

Scarlet Rose I think understanding is hard for GGs like you said cause of the wide range of CDers.. some are sexual some just like panties some need to have shoes.. some must dress to the 9.. some want to go out some want to stay inside..so we cant just group everyone in the same class and thats somtimes hard when your dealing with a issue like CDing from a GG looking in.. a new GG wants to have good solid answers as to why etc to help them understand but there is none really.. some might know a little bit about why.. but its different for everyone..so new GGs will have to learn that they cant ONLY rely on the forums.. cause you will get a rainbow of answers =)

Annaliese2010 3 kids.. I have 3 teenage kids (lol had to point out the 3 cause its been work! lol).. but thank you so very much your post made me feel a lot better and validated.. and for someone to see it from a wifes side and how this does effect her to helps..but yes LOTS of times I think to myself .. WTF! lol

Montse I think I must have been a plain jane teenager cause ive never really went through thoes phases lol

suchacutie Thank you and I am glad you didnt get offended..and that it was stimulating to the brain. I try =) lol

Kathy M Smith Thanks for the positive thoughts =)

susan54 thank you for taking the time to reply and being caring.

Ashley_Marie Thank you Ashley. I am glad I am not so alone with my views on certian topics.

Savannah Smiles Thank you for your post and your hopes for me.

Josie M Thank you Josie.. I am sorry you felt that i was painting everyone with the same brush.. I didnt mean to come across that way. I am so very glad that things worked and are working out good for you.

Clueless thank you for replying and thank you for things you have said in the past as well. Its nice to know that there are thoes out there who are trying to understand us GGs too and why we may feel like we do.

SarahLynn Thank you for your heart felt reply. I do believe in God and I do know that he will not give me anything I can not handle.. and boy have I been praying hard lately =) lol

Aprilrain lol yep think you miss the turn for the panty thread entrance lmao

heidi99 Thank you for your reply.. again I am sorry if I had a certain unpleasant tone in my OP.. I really did not mean for it to come across that way.

Violetgray Growing up all over again but as female for you men is still strange for me and still sits with me funny but for some I guess its something that has to happen in order for you to get to a certain point in life.

Lea Paine Thank you for your reply and yes I agree with a lot of what you said.. plus I love the Wizard of Oz =D lol

Sarasometimes Yes thank you and I do hope to in the future talk to someone.. I have a problem with strangers and opening up face to face (computer is totally different) Ive been to a few years and years ago for other issues.. and it takes so long for me to feel comfortable. I do hope though to go again sometime and find someone I can feel comfortable with and can afford at the same time lol