Will someone please explain

[vivianann]

! LOL

Wait, do I understand this, if you fantasize about sex with a man, you are gay? Does that mean if I fantasize about being rich, that will make me a millionaire? Now if you act on that fantasy, well maybe you have a point, but fantasy is just that, even if it is homo erotic. And no I don't have such fantasy's, I'm just here for the clothes.
Tina

I fantasize about being rich all the time, does that make me a richosexual.:D. :D. LOL! Just joking.

On a more serious note wearing a dress does not change my sexual desires. I am always attracted to women no matter how I am dressed, in fact crossdressing does not sexually arrouse me either. Like Tina posted I am here for the clothes.
I am discussted when I read about married ones here wanting to cheat on their wife with a man, I just get sick when I read such post, most of the time I dont even finish reading the post. My heart goes out to the wives that are married to such individuals. I dont condone cheating period.
That is why I am hesident about telling a gg sweetheart if I had one about this website, because I am afraid she will assume all crossdressers will eventually want to be with a man while dressed enfemme.
I know there are alot of cders here that are true and faithfull to their wives, and that does warm my heart, so I know there is hope for those of us who will fall in love with a gg, and will want to show her this site.
For me dressing enfemme is about expressing my feminine persona, which makes me feel complete, and it cured my depressions.

[Lucy_Bella]

All CDs eventually want to be with men. The girl inside is screaming to be released. She yearns for a strong masculine man to make her feel safe, secure, protected and loved.

Disturbing!! Very very Disturbing ..Typical stereo type thinking ..

[Badtranny]

Disturbing!! Very very Disturbing ..Typical stereo type thinking ..

and totally wrong. This is the problem with the gay, bi, questioning, CD's who are ashamed and make the loudest "I'm straight" declarations. When they finally get caught experimenting, people start thinking the ones that are "actually" straight are the same.

What did Margaret Thatcher say? If you have to tell someone that you are powerful, than you are not.

Shananigans, I don't want to forget to say you're welcome. ;-) Also, being with a woman of any flavor is NOT my fantasy, I'm not even attracted to feminine men. I know guys can be a ...challenge, but I love what I love. What can I do?

[LaurenB]

I find DebbieL's post to hit closest to my home.

Now what I've learned about myself over the last few years is that the most erotic thing a partner can say or demonstrate to me is that they love me. I'm not turned on by being the stereotypical male aggressor. It was always the emotional connection that did it for me. I have a wife that I would be lost without. She and I have an extremely committed relationship that as you might imagine really does it for me sexually.

While I don't look at men as romantic objects, of course, like everyone I have homoerotic fantasies during autoerotic moments (is that too many erotics in the same sentence?). My best male friend is a pretty nice guy but like most can be an a**hole (especially to his wife at times). I can only be around him and my other male friends for limited amounts of time (my half life on sports talk is about 10 minutes). He and I ride a lot of bike miles together and we've seen each other naked a million times and it does nothing for me (I can't speak for him).

The interesting thing is that if I try to imagine myself single again and I put a man in place of my wife, and that man says and does what my wife does, I think, well the equipment is different, but if he says and acts that he loves me sincerely, I can get there.

In other words I think it's all about what really turns you on and it's different for everyone.

[eluuzion]

There may not be a be an on/off switch. But I believe there are plenty of pretty desperate people out here concocting creatively illogical strategies or supporting illogical justification “theories”…(some bordering on sheer nonsense), in an attempt to find ways to participate in unacceptable behaviors without being held responsible for their actions or facing any consequences. :D

The following is not intended to apply to the many genuine folks that have spent a lifetime navigating the tremendously challenging diagnosed reality of navigating innate gender conflict, regardless of the point when any questionability was permanently removed. I believe it is not a “choice”, and admire your courage and strength to push forward.

With that under consideration, here is one of my personal “theories” that I believe offers one possible/logical explanation applicable to the topic. I will leave everybody to rely upon their own perceptions and opinions to assess any credibility they decide to accept or deny. It is nothing personally directed for any “purpose”. It is simply my opinion based upon personal observations, tossed out there for review. I have a lot of them,

Regardless of the etiology, degree of conscious awareness and/or quantity/severity of observable “symptoms” inherent in individual members of this particular “group”, the process are recognizably similar and geared toward a common objective… “Participation without accountability.”

It is similar to the temporary childhood stage where some perfectly well-adjusted children engage in creating “imaginary friends”, as a resource tool to help them grasp such concepts as “self“, “other people” begin to navigate the processes of interpersonal interactions with other people in life. It is a challenging stage when using only the limited cognitive resources they have to draw from at that young age.

One of the typically observable “benefits” quickly discovered by kids employing this strategy is a perceived opportunity to engage in unacceptable behavior without experiencing any accountability for it. They think they can deny accountability for their actions by simply shifting blame and responsibility to their “imaginary friend” as the “person” that engaged in the behavior. “It wasn’t “me”…it was “him/her!” These elementary (and amusing) attempts sometimes displayed during that stage of childhood are typically of short duration… and abandoned by the child as conceptual cognition expands under the guidance of involved caregivers.

Encountering a life crisis, coupled with the inability to find a resolvable path causes some people to resort back to employing some of the elementary/dysfunctional strategies of their early childhood. A typical favorite is an “intellectualized” version of the “imaginary friend” concept.
“Create” a believable version of another “you” that you can blame for the unacceptable actions and behaviors you are unable or unwilling to resist participating in. You know…that “other you” that you have managed to convince yourself is so “real”…and “separate” from the “physical you”… that the “he/she” with a “different name” is actually capable of independent thought, decision making and actions (not attributable to the actual “YOU”.)

Of course it is typically accompanied with a confident self-proclaimed statement that such behavior can exist in a well-adjusted person without having any association/connection to any recognized/categorized mental (DSM) “disorders”. :brolleyes:

But hey, this is the internet...where anything is "possible", right?

Before anybody gets their panty-hose in a bunch defending some misinterpreted distortion of my meanings here…don’t blame me for these comments…

It was Eluuzion’s idea to post this reply…not mine! I am not responsible for anything she thinks or does! I am a good girl.

:D:D

Earth, what a country…eh?

[Piora]

All CDs eventually want to be with men. The girl inside is screaming to be released. She yearns for a strong masculine man to make her feel safe, secure, protected and loved.

What complete and utter drivel. Just because one or two profess to have fantasies about being with men, one cannot conclude that therefore, all must want to. Other factors come into play here, other than being a crossdresser.

Don't make ridiculous sweeping statements without evidence to back it up.

[Stacy L]

All CDs eventually want to be with men. The girl inside is screaming to be released. She yearns for a strong masculine man to make her feel safe, secure, protected and loved.

And [SIZE="7"]ALL[/SIZE] bodybuilders and musclemen are gay! :brolleyes: See, I can play this game too.

[Shananigans]

Eluuzion, those are interesting thoughts, but don't you think that if it were true that the feminine self of a crossdresser is an imaginary construction of the "true" self to resist blame that it is a very peculiar way to go about things?

I mean, by your definition, it needs to be a believable form of yourself. However, the majority of people on this site come here because their presentation isn't believable and they need assistance. (Assistance with makeup, clothes, mannerisms, etc.)

Could it just boil down to denial in the end? It seems like the same people that put blame on their feminine-self by saying stuff like their feminine side is a huge flirt, likes boys, and doing dishes (unlike their male self) are also people that tend to find themselves more believable and attractive than they really actually are...

At the same time, maybe I see a lot of people writing things about men being more accepting of CDs than women, so they sleep with men as almost a default. Is this to say that these CDs just give up hopes of majority of people finding them attractive and so they settle for a niche group of admirers? Is it like they are defaulted to gay if they can't get any action en femme? Then, to protect their heterosexual-self, they blame the encounters on their feminine side?

I'm kind of just turning things around after a few posts I have read from people. I've stayed up all night reading Game of Thrones, so I probably make zero sense.

[AndreaCD1963]

I can only speak for myself - I'm sure everyone has their own take on it. For me, I too didn't understand for a long time. Was I straight? Was I gay? Was I somewhere in between? Was I straight or gay or in between because of my clothing choice at the time? It was only when I learned and accepted to separate cross-dressing / gender identity from sexuality that things came together and I was able to better understand and accept both WHO and WHAT I am.

IMHO, if someone is regularly (ie, not a "one off" experimentation) engaging in and enjoying same genetic sex activities, then they can't put themself exclusively into the "hetro" box.

[GingerLeigh]

I often fantasize about piloting a rocket to the Moon. Does that mean I'm an Astronaut? Good lord NO! I'm afraid of heights and confined spaces. Fantasies are a wonderful thing and everyone has them. They don't usually mean anything. However, acting on a fantasy is something else altogether. That requires planning and intent which is significantly more than a mere flight of fancy.

Ginger

[Shananigans]

I see a lot that fantasies are fantasies, so they hold no grounds.

However, I also see people saying all the time that they have fantasized about their feminine-self since a certain age and are using it in a way to legitimize what they do/who they are.

Why are fantasies about being a woman legit, but fantasies about a c*ck up you arse just no big thang?

It's a little like....missing the point.

I wonder when these gay fantasies started. Many CDs started dressing at a very young age. At this young age, did you have gay fantasies en femme?

My fantasies about women started at the same time as my fantasies about men. I had just hit puberty. My gay and lesbian friends are the same way...they have been attracted to the sex they are attracted to since they developed sexual attractions.

So, for CDs having this fantasy...at what age did it develop? And, at what age did you begin dressing/start fantasizing about dressing?

[ArleneRaquel]

My fantasy, living my adult as a woman, started at the age of 8, or thereabouts, the same age that I started dressing enfemme. I've been basically 24/7 since 2003-2004.

[whowhatwhen]

With a bit of trust and some silicone I think a woman would do a better job at that than any man, but then again I feel like I can't trust men so maybe that has something to do with it.

My gay fantasizes started as dreams and have remained there, oddly enough I never fantasize about women but they're the only thing I'm attracted to when awake.
The only thing I can figure is the bending and distortion of my true feelings to fit a black and white society.

CD Is seperate for me, I did when I was little but then I had the whole "are you gay?" talk (when I was 8?!) only to have it phase in and out for a few years.
Nothing's really changed, I know I have a feminine side but due to circumstances I haven't seen her yet but I can't imagine fully dressing changing anything.

[Badtranny]

With a bit of trust and some silicone I think a woman would do a better job at that than any man,

Hmmmmm, I've done a lot more than fantasize about both of those scenarios, multiple times and I can tell you what I think from actual experience; There ain't nothin' like the real thing baby. ;-)

[ReineD]

All CDs eventually want to be with men. The girl inside is screaming to be released. She yearns for a strong masculine man to make her feel safe, secure, protected and loved.

How many times have you said this on this board, and do you even notice that the responses to your comments are negative? Don't you get tired of appearing like a fool, or do you even bother reading threads after you've posted in them? I can't make up my mind if you are a troll or if you are simply obtuse. I'm veering towards the latter.

[moondog]

Shananigans,

I started wearing panties at 6, why, who knows, I was only six. The only reason it's been burned into my brain is because my mother caught me, and I have been wearing panties on and off ever since. The first time I fantasised about actually being female, I would guess pre-teen...8 or 9. The thought of boys did not enter into that, I just liked all of the cool clothes girls got to wear, still do, while I had sneakers, jeans, and t-shirts. The first time I actually fantasised about being female and having a boyfriend would be about the same time I started fantasising about having sex with girls, somewhere around 13 or 14.

I have only had 1 fantasy where I was a guy and with a guy, and my wife was in that fantasy as well. Don't know if that means anything at all.

I cannot say that I have ever fantasised about dressing as a woman, I do dress as a woman, when I have oppportunity. Also I'm not trying to use my need for dressing as a woman for an excuse to want to have sex with a man. Perhaps had I a different upbringing I very well might be outright gay, be bi, or have transitioned to female. Specualtion on what might have been will not help me at this point because I did not have that upbringing. Where I am now is where I'm starting from.

Honestly I have no clue why I'm straight as a guy and also straight as a girl. I think some people are having difficulty wrapping their heads around the fact that some people, like me, can actually have two seperate personalities, 1 male and 1 female. Yes, my body is male, but when she takes control...my body is male only in its outer form.

I told my therepist she's got her work cut out for her.

[Shananigans]

Sometimes, what we have built up in our heads as fantasies for "getting off purposes" are things we actually don't want to try in reality. There's a lot of things I can think about for...personal purposes...that I found I did not like in reality.

You have to figure out what it is that is attracting you to men. I know a lot of guys have penis fetishes. It's part of a dominance thing, I think. (And, I think its ingrained in men to be obsessed with their junk). But, in reality, these people with this fetish aren't actually attracted to men...just the idea of being dominated.

Sex is pretty much just sex. It works a bit different with a man than with a woman. But, in the end..boinking is boinking. You may be bisexual, but may also be more submissive. I recommend just finding someone that completes you.

Eventually, you can do pretty much everything under the sun with all different types of people. Sex is sex. It can get pretty boring and you don't have a whole lot to show for it. Finding someone you love and can share eveything under the sun with is rare.

I sometimes feel a little sorry for people that get caught up in their sexuality. It might be because I just don't understand gender being a huge deciding factor in who you may date/be intimate with. Genitals are genitals...mostly replicas can be bought that perform surprisingly the same functions as the real counterparts. But, I think if this is a major deciding factor in your love life, you are setting yourself up for a shallow relationship.

I know I joke a lot about men being overrated. I don't really hate men. I often say I'd never date men again, but that's only a half truth too. I'm open to anyone that I love and am attracted to. Genitalia is not the deciding factor. It's so much easier to be this way because it opens a lot of doors. You don't have to struggle with the whole complex of 'Am I gay? Am I straight?' You're just open to love who you love.

Part of the reason fantasies are so strong and compete with real life is that your mind is the most sensual organ. Finding someone that can take sex beyond just a physical level to something greater is what to aim to find. In those people, you are taken a little beyond mechanics of genitalia. But, anyway, this is getting a little bit too old Eastern philosophy on sex lives. But, that would be my advice...being that I also like men and women and have had fantasies fulfilled that weren't up to par. However, I found something a bit greater than I could have fantasized and now I just have great sex.

With a bit of trust and some silicone I think a woman would do a better job at that than any man, but then again I feel like I can't trust men so maybe that has something to do with it.

My gay fantasizes started as dreams and have remained there, oddly enough I never fantasize about women but they're the only thing I'm attracted to when awake.
The only thing I can figure is the bending and distortion of my true feelings to fit a black and white society.

CD Is seperate for me, I did when I was little but then I had the whole "are you gay?" talk (when I was 8?!) only to have it phase in and out for a few years.
Nothing's really changed, I know I have a feminine side but due to circumstances I haven't seen her yet but I can't imagine fully dressing changing anything.

[whowhatwhen]

Interesting stuff...
I can imagine passive/submissive men being confused as I was/am as society generally makes no allowances for them, in 100 years we'll look back in shame at what people have done to each other.

I see it all the time where unless the man is running the show he's "p***y whipped" or whatever the plastic machismo machine decides to call it.
Despite being one, my experiences have given me a low opinion of men in general especially when I hear things like "marry a girl of [x ethnicity] because they'll do [y]" or something like that.
Another one was if she keeps her last name or hyphenates after marriage you're a failure as a man.

Everything just seems so fake, plastic, and arbitrary.

Wait... I wrote this and I'm not even sure it's on topic...

[Shananigans]

Also, side-note incentive to get out of the very shallow aspects of sex and take things to a deeper level are these things called 20 minute orgasms. Focus on genitals all you want, but if you are one and done...phwew...you are cheating yourself!!!

I will say practice makes perfect with taking sex to a different level all together, but damn...who doesn't like practicing?

[sherri]

At the same time, maybe I see a lot of people writing things about men being more accepting of CDs than women, so they sleep with men as almost a default. Is this to say that these CDs just give up hopes of majority of people finding them attractive and so they settle for a niche group of admirers?

Gotta be careful with the use of the word "accepting". A willingness to engage in sex does not necessarily denote acceptance. Yes, there does seem to be a core group of genuine TG admirers out there, but there are also men outside this group who seem to want sex with a TG, but those same guys would prolly have sex with just about anything that would lay still long enough. In other words, horniness does not = acceptance.

But more to your point, yes, there do seem to be more men than women out there interested in TGs, but I think this has far more to do with male sexuality vs female sexuality than tolerance. In fact, if you were to remove sex from the equation, I think women are in general more tolerant of TGs than are men.

Is it like they are defaulted to gay if they can't get any action en femme? Then, to protect their heterosexual-self, they blame the encounters on their feminine side?

For a sizable segment of the CD community, there's prolly a hard kernel of truth in what you say. But this whole train of inquiry and thought presumes the person is conflicted about his/her sexuality. Some of us don't experience any such internal conflict, and I've never understood why some people are apparently so alarmed/guilty about non-hetero feelings. I yam what I yam, as Popeye sez, and it doesn't occur to me to feel guilty about it. But I am really tired of dealing with people who are obviously (or not so obviously) conflicted about their interest in someone like me. Therein lies the rub.

[ArleneRaquel]

At my age, 64, I have no conflict about my sexuality.

[Shananigans]

Sherri, I definitely don't feel like all CDs go through this...at all. I do, however, think society stresses a few things about sexuality. Mainly the focus of sex seems to be focused on heterosexuality. And, if it's not just heterosexuality, it's focused around the really dull sweating and humping, one and done type of sex.

It's really no wonder people retreat to fantasies and then get extremetly confused. This confusions manifests in a lot of different people.

There are certainly some CDs that are very different than the above statements and we have enjoyed a few PMs in hashing out these subjects.

Anyway, I'm glad you pointed that out about some admirers. I don't have a lot of experience with them, so I'll let the people on here be the voices on that group. I avoid most of them at all costs...some are REALLY super interested in Cami and I as a couple and we've had a few "offers." Really weird.

Anyway, I'm talking too much on this thread. I just like it a lot. I hope SweetPea doesn't mind my blabbering mouth. <3

[kimdl93]

I don't mean to offend anyone, but I do suspect that for some CDrs, their sexuality is something that they experience.... well, alone. And fantasy has become the focus of their sexual fullfillment. In that situation, its much easier and safer to imagine sexual encounters that the individual might never wish to experience in real life. the more intense, the more forbidden, the stronger the fantasy. There's nothing wrong with this, of course.

For myself, I have expereinced bisexual encounters, but never were these associated with cross dressing. And in my real world experience, I don't find the gay or bi men are generally interested in CDrs. They're clearly interested in other males. And oddly, CDing has always played a part sensuality with my wife. Go figure!

[seanmuscle]

*yawn* trollolololol

So, sean"muscle", are you adding a different dimension to the argument as a would be "strong, masculine" man to come sweep the helpless crossdressers off their feet?

#reasonwhywomenhatemen

I can have different opinions than you. Its allowed and welcomed. I am representing the non cd men out there who respect CD as girls

How many times have you said this on this board, and do you even notice that the responses to your comments are negative? Don't you get tired of appearing like a fool, or do you even bother reading threads after you've posted in them? I can't make up my mind if you are a troll or if you are simply obtuse. I'm veering towards the latter.

Reine maybe not ALL CD like men. But the percentage of CD who like men is the same as the percentage of gg who like men. I am talking about the majority. I hope you understand me better

[whowhatwhen]

Anyway, I'm talking too much on this thread. I just like it a lot. I hope SweetPea doesn't mind my blabbering mouth. <3

Keep going, these posts from everyone are especially helpful on giving insight into my own self.
I can't speak for everyone, but knowing and understanding the how and why is a big reason I read these threads.