Thanks so much and hugs for all the great feedback, that’s what I’m here for. And I certainly don’t take offense to any of it, especially if it’s direct and honest. No need to back off. And sometimes I do wonder if I have a stable mind. My post was meant to be humorous in part, even though my dilemma is real. As with lots of CDs, I incorrectly assumed when I got married that I would no longer need this. I had no way of knowing that 23 years later this would still be that important. Remember, 1989 was still before forums like this, or the internet, or Dr. Phil, and a show like Glee would have been impossible to air. I have kept it low key for most of the marriage, don’t have closets full of clothes and have never gone out in public as her.
My wife does know that I’m into some crazy stuff, but no details. She admits she knew I was weird when we got married, but didn’t know how weird. And that’s what frightens me the most. If it were something she was doing or into, I would want to know everything about it and research it on the internet and have long discussions. The fact that she sorta knows and doesn’t ask any questions tells me that she doesn’t want to know. And I’m very afraid of tipping the boat over if things would have been better left alone. But lately I have learned so much more about Jayne and what she really means to me. Things my wife couldn’t know, because I have only learned them in the last few months myself.
So if you think about it, Jayne has been locked in a closet for 50 years. I’ve lied to her, lied about her. I tried to pretend she doesn’t exist and put all her things in a storage locker where she can’t get to them. I only learned her name last year after having a 50 year relationship with her, and I’m married to another woman! If it were me, I would be a little testy too, if not a complete scheming, conniving, psycho b***h! And she’s given me an ultimatum. Bring her out of the closet, or leave her in there the rest of my life. Both scenarios have potentially treacherous pitfalls. Only problem is, once her fat behind is out, I will never be able to shove it back in. So you think I might be a little unstable? And since I am Jayne, and Jayne is me, then yes, I have baited and set my own trap.
Thanks again and btw, I’m not an engineer. Wish I was, my career path may have been much better.
