" But I have this painful little fear down in the pit of my stomach that I am watching the slow disintegration of our family." Liz
As long as you all are talking that is not inevitable. I know you are footing most of her bills but you need to realize as parents that you no longer have any control. I've been there and its hard to shift into an advisory role. But she has expressed that she disagrees with your advise. It's time for you to offer support and talk about the future. Maybe an honest discussion of the year of Real Life Experience would be helpful to you both. Don't let any ultimatums be made by anyone involved. She may slow on her own once the hard work of transition starts. That's assuming that a full transition is even what she desires. There are plenty TS that live years as non-ops.
The most important thing you can do now is offer love and support.
