I would say that it took me a few years before i got over the (what I call the CD tantrums)when I would assume that very bad mood or negative comment was aimed at the CDing, but then i am inclined to be a bit over sensitive .
I would say that it took me a few years before i got over the (what I call the CD tantrums)
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]Joanne
You need to get your head in a place where you don't care what she thinks and if she uses it as ammunition just remind her that it hurts you and...remind her that you told her because you trusted her and respected her and if she acts that way it destroys that. Basically, for anything out of line, CDing or not...if my wife says something negative I ask her to repeat it, then, if she does, I say I don't understand, please explain... makes her think at least.
Chickie
First rule of CD club, don't fight with your wife.
My wife will occasionally get mad at me, but I don't worry about CDing being behind it, unless she specifically mentions something to do with CDing. It's not worth the stress to worry about something that may not be true.
Most times (98% maybe) I just let her rant without arguing back.
So, in the past 3 weeks, how many times have there been little arguments or fights?Is this more than usual for any other period prior to coming out?
If so, sit down with her and calmly hash it out. Don't argue, don't raise your voice. Tell her you love her!
DonnaT
You are so new in this!!! Give in and don't argue..BUT,stand your ground and do as you want to.Then,over time,she MAY realize how important your girl side is to your happiness.
This sounds very controlling! Do you really talk to your wife like she is a child?!?!Originally Posted by Chickhe
He doesn't even know if she is "for" or "against" it. She hasn't said anything. He is just assuming. What does he have to stand his ground for? And "do as you want" isn't much help if she IS against it. He would be divorced in seconds.
Real Men (Among Others!) Wear Panties
Let me throw another thought into this. If you want her to be accepting/tolerant, you will have to keep a positive attitude about your dressing. If you are thinking every argument is about dressing, then you aren't there. Up your attitude! Accept yourself and as others say, let her bring it up. Don't assume as you will drive yourself nuts.
I've had a few times with my wife when it felt a little like what you're describing and I certainly wanted to be defensive about it. However, when I stepped back and looked at it, the CDing was almost an excuse or an easy target. What I mean is that when something big came up or my wife was upset with me about something else this was something far easier to harp on than the real issue. I'm sure the CDing added stress as others have mentioned, but I think it was very rare that it was the core issue we were upset over. We just had to keep talking and figure out what was really bothering both of us. So, keep listening, if it's really the crossdressing it'll become clear soon enough ad you can then actually focus on the things you can control and hopefully talk through it.
Good luck,
Bree
I would reread Mandy's last post. I believe she hit the nail on the head.
Do not try to push anything to hard, It will push you back, and sometimes it is best not to provoke
a situation, it will always flare up into something bigger than what it was that started the argument.
Rader
Hi All, I just want to make a quick point of clarification to this post since it seems to have gone off in a slightly different direction than I first intended. We haven’t had any fights about cross-dressing at all, as a matter of fact my wife has been wonderful about the whole thing and very supportive of me, actually we have had less arguments since I have come out to her, because I feel so much more happy and content over all, and truthfully we have had very few fights or arguments over our whole 12 year marriage, we are a very good match for each other. My point for this post is that it was all in my head, and had nothing to do with cross-dressing in any way, she was just a little tired and cranky, and my insecurities were getting the best of me as is often the case for me, I do sometimes tend to be a little nervous at times by nature. Anyway, not to ramble on, but my question is, Since coming out to your SO or any other person, do you now tend to overanalyze every little thing in some attempt to make sure that the other person is ok, or is this just another of my quirks? Thanks for listening. - April
The thing that bugs me is when it is used as "ammo" in an argument. I'm usually the one to walk away or bend in the rules because my wife bent her rules to stay with me when I told her about Jessica. It's the least I can do. Sometimes, on some things, you just can't do that. For example, I had a work meeting I had to go to for two hours. I work nights, so it was from 10-midnight. Two hours. She was mad because she thought I was going out just to go out. Can't bend on that one....but I'm happy to say she never uses it as ammo. Is it "in the chamber" so to speak? You bet.
"If you think you can or can't, you're right" -Henry Ford
Good thread! I especially like hearing the wife's point of view from MandyGG.
My only advice would be don't change anything about yourself, if you never came home with flowers before don't start now. Make sure you are the same guy she love's and not the guy whose trying to sell her something. Just take it slow don't push it and i believe you will be alright.
April
I actually understand what you are saying. For those first few months you feel like every time your partner is a bit quiet or doesn't want to talk or just wants to go to sleep etc. that they are thinking / stewing over the TG thing. Honestly, they probably aren't, most of it is in our heads I'm pretty sure (see replies by the other GG's here). I think a part of that feeling is because you yourself have to come to an acceptance of what this all means to your relationship and to you, now that "someone else" knows. Certainly I found as I became more comfortable myself I stopped thinking that my wife was constantly thinking about the whole CD thing.
After 15 years of marriage, I came out to my wife almost a year ago (May 1st, a day I'll never forget). For all the wrong reasons I kept it secret. She saw that I'd been on this site, asked me about it and I told her the truth. Our once perfect marriage (except for this secret that I never shared) has been forever changed for the worse. The way she use to look at me with love in her eyes is gone. She never touches me and she never seems happy anymore. I haven't cross dressed in almost a year but she doesn't trust me anymore and doesn't believe me, she always thinks I'm hiding something. She refuses to go to counseling as a couple or alone. I pray with time, things will get better because I know that I'll always be a cross dresser, I can't change that, I've tried.
Chiche,
How long have you been married , no better question, how long has your wife known?
I'd have left the first time you pulled that " I don't care what you think" on me.
In life you get what you give.... and I'm so sorry to hear your wife doesn't care what YOU think.
Presh GG
Haven't you heard? After a man says, "I DO" he then must learn the next most important 2 words... "YES DEAR" Those words can stop an argument before it starts!
April you really need to get your head around the fact that if your wife says she is fine, she is most likely fine.
I've never thrown the CD'ing in my husband's face if we have had an argument - nor would I. The only time I got really mad was when I found he had been buying stuff in secret even after he'd 'come out' to me. I was hurt that he felt he still needed to hide and keep secrets. I got mad, he was sorry and that was that.
I am pretty sure that as long as the CD'ing doesnt impact on you doing your normal chores around the house, etc. then your wife isnt going to get mad about it. It's likely that if and when the CD'er starts leaving the chores to go play with his girly stuff thats when the wife is going to blow up! hence the comment "well if you wern't crossdressing you'd have time to do the ................"
Brandy - you are funny!
My only advise would be to not throw it in her face and give her time to adjust. I know nothing of your relationship and if you had fights or arguments before telling her. Do not try to pigion hole yourself or her by imagining things that have not happened.
As to my relationship with my wife. We had never had a fight before I told her and only one very minor disagreement since. And, it was my fault because I pushed the issue beyond our agreements.
Three weeks isn't a lot of time for her to get used to it even if she says she's okay with it. These things take time.
Define "normal"
For me it feels like if I try to have a discussion with Kristy about any normal topic that we would have BC (before cross-dressing, or the knowledge of) then she will bring up something about the cross dressing and that she should never have told me. Except I wasn't mentioning it at all...I just wanted to know why the garbage wasn't taken out... My point is, Kristy is hypersensitive that everything is about CD now. I don't feel that way at all. If I have a question about it, I will ask. If I have a gripe I will make it known. Otherwise, life is business as usual, but wearing different ensembles than before.
This is why I'm so scared to get into a relationship.
I used to be just fine before all of this, and now here I am... a dude that goes out into the most public eye masquerading as a woman. I can no longer elimninate this part of me, I am what I am. Life's great otherwise. I have have no other complaints.
Posting Permissions
