Karren, sit down, have a cup maybe come cake and relax if you can. You have earned a quiet sit every now and then.
Somehow, and I don't know how it worked out that way, when my wife found out about my crossdressing about 10 years ago (and 25 years into marriage) she saw it as an embodiment of many of the characteristics she loved in me. It made sense that I behaved in ways that she appreciated and was attracted to and that I was trying to discover femininity in myself. Lucky me. However she also saw that I didn't trust her enough to share any of this with her prior to that little surprise. Acceptance and trust don't lodge in the same bunk I guess. Although she has been out with me when I have been crossdressed, she understands that there are many in our families who would find it difficult to remain adults if they were given this new info about me. She shares and I've dragged her into a place where she is uncomfortable.
So even though I do all I can to share everything important with her now, I always forget something and that little black cloud of mistrust hovers over the relationship. She remains in good humor when I begin to take up more closet space than has been allowed or when I take time away from the family for a monthly support group meeting or an annual trip to Diva Las Vegas. Regardless of all I do and all she accepts and understands, that deception is still part of our history and won't be washed away. I can only hope that in time I'll be able to have it shrink in comparison to all that I have done since that moment of discovery, but 25 years of hiding it is a big chunk of time to sweep away. Until that happens, I guess I'm still on probation. Good luck and patience to you.
