I'm trying

[Tina B.]

I'm offended! If you think we would be offended by a wife that is trying her best to come to terms with her husband being a crossdresser, and she is having trouble doing it completely. Wow where have we heard that one before.
Sweetie few wives that learn after marriage, that they have gotten a crossdresser, take it all that well, some take years to get used to it, and others never do, at least you are trying. I think joining us here is a great step in the right direction, and I hope we can all help you find some of the answers you are looking for.
Welcome to the wonderful world of crossdressers!
Tina B.

[Marie GG]

I'm offended! If you think we would be offended by a wife that is trying her best to come to terms with her husband being a crossdresser, and she is having trouble doing it completely.

I am so pleasantly surprised how supportive you all have been. I came here looking for a couple of wives to chat with who would hopefully understand how I was feeling and now I have all of you.
I guess I just worried about invading your "sanctuary". Also I don't feel very supportive when I talk about wanting to punch some one in the face, but I guess I haven't actually done it so that is something
I really have been terrible to my husband the past couple of months, borderline verbally abusive. I didn't really realize how mean till we had a talk last week and I agreed to come to the forum to find some other wives to vent with. Now I am so glad I did.

[Silentpartner GG SO]

Oh Marie, if punching your hubby in the face is the worst thing you feel like doing, you're not doing too bad! lol

Do come and join us in Fab - its not all about venting, but of course you are welcome to do so if you want to. We talk about all sorts of stuff and have a good laugh as well.

As you've already seen, there are lots of wonderful people here, TG's, CD's, GG's, TS's - and the more you find out about the whole spectrum, the easier it gets. You've obviously got a good sense of humour and that helps.

SP xx

[Sometimes Steffi]

Sometimes I want to punch him in the face. For keeping this from me. For making me fall in love with him all the while knowing what he was hiding. Then for telling me. Making me have to keep this secret.

Your comments are so well written and your feelings are so understanable. Your husband didn't tell about his crossdressing for two reasons: 1) He was probably ashamed, and 2) He didn't want to lose you. Some husbands take this secret to the grave with them or until they are caught.

Don't look at him keeping this from you as dishonesty. That will tear your relationship apart. He kept it from you because he was trying to repress it. Nobody wants to be a freak. A lot of gay guys get married because they're trying to repress it. At least he likes women

So don't say, "This isn't the man I married!" just because he was trying to repress this. But if this is a serious issue then you need to seriously evaluate what you both want out of life and if those things are compatible.

I've been married almost 34 years now, and my wife only found out 5 years ago.

As many others, I got caught. Even though I had a few close calls, I had hidden it for so long, I almost thought I was invincible.

But when we were dating, my CDing was always an undercurrent in my mind. In fact, it was the last thing I thought about before I proposed. How could I marry someone if I was a CD. In high school, I wondered if I was gay (we used a pejorative 6-letter work that began with f and ended with t back then) because that was the only word I knew that sort of explained what I did.

Anyhow, I thought about it for a long time. I decided that I was hetero and not gay, and that the CD thing was an arousal fantasy that was just a phase I was going through and would go away once I was married. I wouldn't need that type of arousal.

It turned out I was right on the first count, but wrong on the second count.

Just to say that my main deception was deceiving myself, but trying not to deceive my futurw wife.

[c2candice]

Hi Marie,

My wife and I are in the exact same position as you and your husband. We are still working it out, and I think my wife is at the same stage you are. Sometimes I feel like she wants to "punch me in the face" about it.

My only suggestion would be to keep trying. You sound like you are really trying.. trying to understand. And I think that is the best thing for you and your husband. Understanding, sympathy, compassion. That is the only way to continue.

For me, I kept myself in denial when I was single (similar to Steffi). I was strangely attracted to dressing up, but thought it was a phase, and I didn't really take the time to explore it. I only tried on one thing at a time. Once we were engaged, I decided to step up the dressing to a full transformation in order to really understand it for myself. I thought, if it's not for me, and I feel awkward and never want to do it again-- then no issue, no need to tell my SO-- life goes on as normal. I didn't want to confess to my future wife SOMETHING I DID NOT UNDERSTAND MYSELF.

Well, needless to say, I totally enjoyed dressing up. BUT, I still did not understand it. SO, I still kept my secret. She found out by accident. It helped my to accept who I am even more, now that I was forced to explain myself!! I still don't understand all of the mechanisms behind why I dress. I accept it, but I don't understand it.

much love,
Candice

[Aprilrain]

doesn't every woman want to punch her BF/husband in the face every now and again? Totally normal!, but we don't. Remember that guys!

[Babeba]

I am really glad that your communication with your husband is open enough for him to tell you how your verbal actions made him feel, that must have been a difficult conversation but so necessary! If you can keep talking about things with him, that is a good thing.

Most of the CDs, TSs and TGs on this site are really happy to have GGs here and our perspective, so chances are you will not offend anyone just by posting. I have some pretty strong views I post on here sometimes but I don't think I have offended too many people!

[Eryn]

Sometimes I want to punch him in the face. For keeping this from me. For making me fall in love with him all the while knowing what he was hiding. Then for telling me.

I know nothing of your situation, but I'd like to point out that what you describe might not be the actual case. Some husbands are not aware that they are CDers when they marry.

Some CDers are amazingly ignorant about themselves and the societal pressure is that we remain so. In my case, all I knew that I had was a strong interest in things that were feminine. I knew that this was not socially acceptable, so I shoved it into the a far corner of my mind and ignored it as best I could. I considered it to be an expression of my normal attraction to women and that was where I was when I was married. I couldn't tell my bride-to-be about something that I hadn't yet figured out for myself and anyway I figured that my "interest" would go away once I was married.

After marriage life got busy. The "thing" for feminine things remained, but it wasn't prominent enough to discuss. Again, how does one discuss something that one has not sorted out for oneself? Children were born, houses and cars needed fixing, and there were plenty of things to distract me.

A couple of decades pass. For some reason (male menopause?) the feelings start to gel and finally become prominent enough for me to do some research. Gee, there were other people out there who share some of my feelings and they are called "crossdressers." I couldn't be one of those, could I? Well, it turned out that I could.

At this point, I did hide it from my wife. I now had something definite that I could hide, plenty of shame and guilt about it, and no idea of how to broach the subject. I realized pretty quickly, however, that the stress involved was damaging our relationship and it became evident that we would have to discuss it.

We did, and that was by far the scariest thing I've ever done. All I could think about was 20+ years of marriage being destroyed because I didn't keep my mouth shut as a man should. I should have had more faith in my wife. Mimi came through and has stood with me through the rough and smooth.

Marie GG, your story is likely quite different from ours, but the decision you face is similar. It boils down to whether you can forgive your husband and move forward with your life together, or whether you will focus on the feelings of betrayal and let them fester. If you read the various threads on the forum you can find examples of both approaches to that dilemma and their outcomes.

Your husband, of course, has to do his part. You're in this together and you both need to strive for a situation that will work for both of you. The pink fog can be blinding, but he needs to figure out that your feelings are just as important to his happiness as his own.

Marie GG, I'm glad that you're here with us and I strongly encourage your husband become an active member of the forum. I think that Mimi and I learn quite a lot simply by reading each other's posts.

Hugs, Eryn

[CDPheobe]

Welcome Marie. Keep coming back and have hubby engage the forums. You also. My wife knows and just recently, a best friend of mines wife came and talked to my wife about my bestie wearing womens panties. He confessed it to her not long ago so my besties wife confided in my wife because my besties wife knows I dress up with my wife for fun. In short, if you need another GG to chat with, add my wife.

[Thera Home]

Hello Marie
Welcome to forum, hopefully we can put your heart at ease with some of the responses that some of us give you. As I myself am struggling with telling my wife and find its such a heavy burden on my heart keeping secrets from her. Though,I feel if I tell her that she would feel that Im trying to steal some place of hers in our relationship.(she-jane, I-tarzan).As if I want some of Jane for my self and she'll feel that she cant provide that in our relationship. Do you feel(being a GG in a relationship) that may be an issue? Thank you for joining and best of luck to and your husband.

Thera

[jillleanne]

Hello Marie, and welcome. Trust in when I say, everyone here, both male and female, understand completely what you are going through and our hearts ho out to you, as does our admiration for you. As time goes on and you read more and more, you will come to realize the vast size and how complicated this gender issue really is, and how difficult it is to not simply understand but more importantly, to openly accept as an integral part of society today. Please keep an open mind and without a doubt, ask as many questions as you deem necessary to help you understand this more often than not, secretive world that exists unbeknown to most wives/spouses. Take comfort in knowing you are not alone.

[Marie GG]

Hello Marie
Welcome to forum, hopefully we can put your heart at ease with some of the responses that some of us give you. As I myself am struggling with telling my wife and find its such a heavy burden on my heart keeping secrets from her. Though,I feel if I tell her that she would feel that Im trying to steal some place of hers in our relationship.(she-jane, I-tarzan).As if I want some of Jane for my self and she'll feel that she cant provide that in our relationship. Do you feel(being a GG in a relationship) that may be an issue? Thank you for joining and best of luck to and your husband.

Thera

Thera
Thanks for the welcome.
As for telling your wife, it is tricky. I dislike the secrecy aspect but there are still days I wish I didn't know. I am glad that he told me the majority of the time. It was very tough not having someone to talk to before. He had suggested this forum a couple of times but I wasn't ready til recently, and it has helped me a lot. I have made friends with many GG's who understand me and have joined the FAB forum as well. Just try to understand that acceptance takes time, you have know about it for a long time, and are used to it, and to her it will most likely be a shock. I never suspected, so it came as quite a shock.

In my relationship I don't have an issue with the Jane/Tarzan situation, but my husband does not have a fem name or persona, he only dresses in private (away from me too) and has said that he does not wish to venture out. He has described feeling "sexy" in the clothes, but not "girly" or "feminine" so I guess I don't really feel he is trying to replace me as the woman in the relationship.

Hope this helps.