I would say that the elephant is sitting on your friend at this point. I do like your rule about telling. I have a similar one that if I am busted in sight or word, then I will admit it. The tap dancing route has its own pitfalls and I don't want to go there. I did do it once and have felt guilty since. And someone else has mentioned my elephant in the room to me recently......
But people do realize something is up with the changes. The part is whether they know enough to do the math. Some people just aren't going to suspect this because it isn't in the forefront of their mind. And you have that extra barrier of the agreement with your wife. That does bring up a conflict. What if your best friend hit the mark closer and asked if you were TG? Now if you admit it, you go against your wife's wishes. That can be a tough thing to work through. When we choose to push things forward, we do cause ourselves these dilemmas that we need to think about in advance.
