Looks like you all have answered her questions. She hasn't been back!
Not to this thread anyways..
Looks like you all have answered her questions. She hasn't been back!
Not to this thread anyways..
Last edited by Marleena; 07-23-2012 at 12:38 PM.
well didnt that 'sweet' statement add a lot to this thread?Originally Posted by Sweet Caroline
actually a lot of people care what GG's think and how SO's react - probably most of the people on here who are in a relationship, but with an attitude like that you are unlikely to experience one for very long.
Ouch!! WTH prompted that reply?
I don't want to distract from the topic of this thread but really felt I need to reply to this post.
Anyone who is in a relationship with a partner, GG or SO, and wants and cares to keep that relationship sound will most certainly care what that partners' views and opinions are.
GG's have very valid views and reasoning for how they want to deal with our CD'ing, it's not their fault that we have these needs in our lives but hopefully with their cooperation and agreement we can lead our CD'ing lives within the context of our married (or not) lives.
Only those people who are either not in a relationship, and are therefore free to do as they please, or, those that are in a relationship but dont give a toss what their partners think on any subject could possibly make such a ridiculous comment
Last edited by MelanieB; 07-23-2012 at 02:18 PM.
I care! I would care even if I weren't a CD
<moderator hat on>
This statement is clearly disrespectful to our GG members, but I am allowing it to remain because it provoked thoughtful replies and it would be unfair to delete the constructive thoughts of the replying members.
Let's get back to the original topic please.
<moderator hat off>
^^ I think Miss Muffet is gone, and I can't blame her. She said she was new and asked people to be gentle, and then it takes one sh*tty comment.
If it's going to be that way, it shouldn't take 10 posts to apply to FAB. She kind of had to post other places to get the 10 post requirement, and then she is told her opinion doesn't matter because she was born with a vagina. For real?
I sincerely hope her boyfriend acts better and is able to explain things better...she apparently went here for our help, and it got her no where. For shame...for shame...
I feel like she was really trying to understand fetish dressing versus crossdressing versus transsexualism. She didn't even really give much of an opinion...just asked a simple question. So, to answer other threads...no one will ever understand you if you don't want to be understood...so, just abandon ship now. That's pretty much it.
In response to her it's fair to explain that there are a lot of awesome people here...we've got everyone all over the TG umbrella, and even outside of it. But, we'll go ahead and scare everyone off except for the regulars because it takes just reading a few comments like that for a woman to feel like it's a Bachelor's Nest with No Women Allowed.
The number of active GGs gets smaller and smaller. We lost another one. Possible person that could spread understanding of TG issues -1. The number of people put off from taking the time to understand....??? Who knows what that number is.
Last edited by Shananigans; 07-23-2012 at 03:54 PM.
"Today a young man [...] realized that all matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration...that we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively...there is no such thing as death, life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves. Here's Tom with the Weather.”-Bill Hicks
“What freedom men and women could have, were they not constantly tricked and trapped and enslaved and tortured by their sexuality! The only drawback in that freedom is that without it one would not be a human. One would be a monster.” East of Eden by Steinbeck
well said Shan - its very unfortunate when one or two nasty posts scare newbies off - my mum had an excellent saying "if you cant say something nice, better not say anything at all"
I hope she's not gone, because I though of something I wanted to say.
MIss Muffett; I've tried to read all the posts here, but after a while my eyes start to glaze over, having read so much of this type of thing before. So forgive me for rewriting anything someone else has already covered. In your posts, I spotted something that needed this response.
One of the things everyone has to deal with is sexual attraction. Very, very few really know what it is that makes us attracted to someone, or not at all. Most just like to chalk it up to 'chemistry'. But like everything else, you can take it all apart and figure it out.
And one of the things that I've figured out about crossdressing is, is that it usually ruins the 'masculine' image that a woman is attracted to. Yes, if you're smart enough, you can get past it rationally, but you usually have to understand everything that's going on, and I mean everything. Every little nuance, every behavior and why it's caused, to be able to understand why the outward display of a very, very female behavior does not make a man any less of the person you were initially attracted to. Yes, I said 'less'.....after all, if you examine the male 'world', men routinely use female adjectives and pronouns to degrade other men, as if it's the worst thing in the world to be feminine in any way. And because men basically run the world, they have branded this thinking into general society, so much so that even women think of feminine attributes as of lesser value than traditionally male ones.
So it's really going to come down to what you think of yourself more than anything else; after all, it's been said that imitation is the most sincerest form of flattery. So when he (and all the rest of us) go through all the trouble to emulate all the wonderful things about women, shouldn't you really be proud of that? And happy that he recognizes and values those same things too? Because it only means he knows, and loves you, more than perhaps you know. Also remember, that we are still guys inside, and we aren't necessarily good at expressing our feelings or thoughts. How he acts towards you, and behaves with you, will tell you more than he can with words.
Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.
These aren't facts. While this may be true for you, it is not a fact of crossdressing.
Hi everyone. No I haven't disappeared completely, but I did step away for a bit to process everything. I think I had information overload!
And yes, a couple of things were a little unsettling, mostly that this is progressive. However enough of you said this isnt the case for everyone. I did read yesterday's GG comment (anonymous as I felt a little like hiding) but didn't read too much into it as most of you were very kind and answered all of my questions. I think the comment about over thinking this hit home for me. I realized this is what I'm doing and my boyfriend is thinking about it less!!
Anyway, I'm very glad to hear from the other GG's here. Thanks for making me feel less alone! If I disappear again I'm probably just taking another breather. These ten posts are actually quite difficult to obtain when every word is so hard to write. I feel strange thinking about all this most days, so I'm trying not to! I do feel better when I'm not analyzing it all, and when I read of all the other men who are also just occasional crossdressers. I had no clue there was such a spectrum to this.
I will have a look at the Loved Ones section and maybe I can get my remaining posts there.
Think of it in terms of every member here having their very own terminus. It is progressive for everyone ... but only until their personal terminus is reached.
To put it more concretely, for a select few members (the transsexuals), it is progressive until they transition. For a chunk of CDers who for a variety of reasons may not wish to go out in public, it is progressive until they have reached the "look" they seek in their mind's eye, in other words, starting out with just corsets and panties and then possibly progressing to wig, makeup, and forms, even if they dress once per week or once per month and stay home. For many other CDers (and depending on their life circumstances), it is progressive until they develop the ability to go out and blend, and interact with others on a regular basis even if it is once per week or once per month. For still other CDers, it is progressive until they've found a way to express their androgyny on a day-to-day basis. These are only four examples of personal termini, there are many more.
But it is NOT a progression that leads to transition for everyone, no matter how tenaciously some of our members believe this, despite some of the transsexuals who are not aware of their own terminus until they get there, or some of the TGs who believe their terminus is transition even though it is not.
Glad you're back!
Last edited by ReineD; 07-24-2012 at 03:11 AM.
Reine
Really pleased to see you back Miss Muffett - do try to get your 10 posts in - you can just post a few one liners to get your numbers up! lol
It does get easier believe me - just dont take everything you read here as gospel
Hi Miss M
I haven't replied to this but have been reading it. You have shown that by coming here you are trying to understand, yeah a lot to take in isn'tbut as time goes by you will start to think "ok I do understand that" and "hmmm maybe that does make sense"
One thing that you don't want to do is rush things, let things soak in slowly and never ever say you understand if you don't just to keep the peace. It took me years to be really comfy with my SO who is TS, but in the beginning due to denial she presented as a cder. As has already been said most cders and just that cders (no disrespect meant) and they don't want or have the need to be female, others are in denial and are TS., then there is those who know right from the start that they are TS.
A lot to take in, but keep on posting and get the rest of your posts and join us in FAB.
Sandra
Administrator
I always used to rib you about your legs can't anymore. R.I.P Sexy Legs
R.I.P Rianna
Reine, you really need to write a book on TG issues!
Miss Muffet, I have two suggestions.
First, pay close attention to Reine, she often perceives us more thoroughly than we do ourselves!
Second, go to some of the less serious threads about clothing, beauty, and/or photos and post a few sociable comments there. You'll have your ten posts in before you know it!
Oh, and even after that, please don't be a stranger here!
Hugs, Eryn
Eryn
"These girls have the most beautiful dresses. And so do I! How about that!" [Kaylee, in Firefly] [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
"What do you care what other people think?" [Arlene Feynman, to her husband Richard]
"She's taller than all the women in my family, combined!" [Howard, in The Big Bang Theory]
"Tall, tall girl. The woman could hunt geese with a rake!" [Mary Cooper, in The Big Bang Theory]
Miss Muffet
You can find all the information you need about crossdressing and transgendered people all over the internet. Reine is good at sourcing this out, weeding the wheat from the chaff. The GGs on this site range from those who live with this side of their partners day in day out, those who see it on occasional visits right through to those that like you, had no clue at all.
The best advice you can get is to read all of the threads you think are relevant, but don't assume because X does this, your SO will do the same, no two relationships are the same.
Lastly, don't bottle it up, if you have something to say to your SO, say it. Things are better out in the open than left to fester.
Listen carefully to what is said, quite often you can hear what is not being said
The joy of correcting a mistake can bring pain to another
Howdy Miss Muffet, how the hell are ya'? So how is the weather where ever you are?
(Answer that stupid question of mine and you have another post toward your ten!)
Hi Miss Muffet.
There are no rules, only individuals. Please believe that for many (most?) there is no progression from cross-dressing to trans-sexualism. I have lots of clothes, spend large amounts of time and money dressing, and I go out frequently, but this reached a plateau years ago and I have no plans to go further. My progressions have been in skill and confidence. All shaving is reversible, and nothing shaved is on display in male mode. In male mode, I remain very masculine and I like being male and masculine. I regard it has having the best of both worlds - but just as I see it.
I am probably in a minority in not being fetishistic, and I don't even think of myself as a woman when I go out - I am a heterosexual gender tourist, and I am just acting. It is magnificent fun.
May everything work out well for you and your partner.
Hello Miss Muffett--Many of us GGs have been exactly where you are now, so don't feel like you're the only one who's had these feelings! That ten posts can seem challenging, but Eryn (my spouse) has some good advice about posting in the photos or clothing sections to get those last few posts in. Loved Ones is a good place as well, but if you just need some posts that don't require too much deep thought or painful introspection, then check out some of the lighter sub-forums.
Hope to see more of your posts and see you over in FAB!
Yes, MissMuffet, I am so glad to see you're back as well as so many others. There is so much experience and knowledge for you here to learn on here from members that have lived with cd'ing all of thier lives. And this site has many wives that have the experience of life with a cross dresser.
Please don't get discouraged, we're all here for you and wish for you the very best by way of what has come into your life of late. This site is the best on the internet of learning about CD,TG issues.
Welcome aboard MissMuffet, your friend,
Tara
Hi Miss Muffet. A little late but welcome. You'll find alot of great advice here from GGs who have been where you are now. I echo what has been said, take your time. It's great that you've taken the time to look into it and sign up here. Like most have said, it's a broad spectrum so not everyone wants to go all the way to a transition stage. I myself would consider a partial transition so I don't know how much advice I could offer. But I'm young and still not sure where I really want to be. The important thing is to make sure you and your partner communicate. You seem like a good person and you're willing to listen and learn. Your partner is lucky to have you
Hugs
Marcia sums it up; I have been a CD since maybe ten years old. I have been married for forty years and confine my crossdressing to the house. I have no urge to live as a woman.
I hope you find support (and sometimes a touch of humor) within this forum.
Its great to see that you are willing to investigate what this is all about instead of just running for the hills. I wish more GG's would do this. I am an ocassional CD. I have no plans on becoming a 24x7 woman. I still like to go out and be a man. I wouldn't give that part of me up. I have to say that this isn't something that I am really proud of. Maybe someday I can be. But for now, its something very private. I would love to not "like" doing this, and get the same thrill and excitement from going fishing or something. However, I can't stop liking this anymore than I could stop liking Vanilla Ice Cream. If I don't do it for a while eventually the woman within takes over and I have to satisfy her.
The fact that you are willing to come onto a forum and find out what this is really all about is FANTASTIC. I know that you will get all of the information that you need here. This site has helped me in ways that I couldn't have ever began to imagine. I hope that you can find peace in your relationship.
"Oh my God, I realized, it's not that we're screwed up; it's just that we've been trained to thnk so."
~Rick Novic, Alice in Genderland
Okay and I don't really mean I think I'm gay. I just feel like this makes me less heterosexual, if that makes sense? Which I know I'm not because I'm only attracted to men, usually fairly masculine men, yet my current man wears dresses and a blonde wig!
See? Confused!!
And yes, I'm trying to get my ten posts!!
Miss Muffet,
I'm sorry I didn't see your post for a while... And I am really glad you have stuck this website out through some not-very-nice opinions. You certainly have every single right to be here, and I for one am rooting for you getting through your ten posts (you're halfway there!)
I have always thought of love as being kind of blind - that seeing the person inside is very different than the external. If being with your partner makes you feel less heterosexual I can understand it as a big blow to your personal identity - it is quite the change from something you have just assumed you knew about yourself, and a big part of your sense of self. But if you think of your partner as being the one person who you love and focus on, you don't have to question absolutely everything or even give yourself a big label if it doesn't feel like that reflects you.
The other thing is, just because your boyfriend sometimes wears a blonde wig doesn't mean that he is not masculine anymore! I have known about my boyfriend for two and a half years, and he is definitely still masculine... He is also feminine, but I have learned that the one has not taken away from the other! I have found out that -in my relationship, where we have no secrets with each other, and a full disclosure policy and work hard at talking about everything important to us - the good outweighs the negative with crossdressing. It does help that I attracted to the feminine in my partner, but there are other SOs who manage to do well with their relationships even when not attracted to that aspect.
It will take some time to get through the confusion, but it IS possible!
Although I found out about this thread in regards to negative comments it received, I am so glad that i found it! The content from the positive feed back really helped calm down some of the things I had been overanalyzing about. I had noticed just like MissM that many of the Ladies here were on the far end of the spectrum of wanting to dress full time. I admit it made me a bit nervous. but hearing from this thread I found that I just happened to run across the threads that just happend to be lop sided on the farther end .
I'm so glad I took the time to read the thread completely and found that there are so many that are more on the same area my SO is in.
Thank you to all those who replied positively for you helped me relax a little more.
Hello Miss Muffet,
I am also a gg that is in a relationship with a CD. I would like to welcome you here. I'm sorry that you received some majorly negative comments with one of your first posts. I have been really lucky...I have not received many negative comments. For the most part all of the comments I have gotten have been really supportive and wonderfully nice responses. The girls here have made me feel very welcome.
I hope tht those stinkers did not chase you away.:bigsmack:
My SO is also a part-time CD much in the way of your BF. I understand your confusion and distress. I also am very accepting of his/her CDing.
when i first started here I was very overwhelmed by all the things I have seen. but i had to remind myself that there are many people all along the specterum in CDland. It is easy to overthink things ...I too am very guilty of over-analyzing things it is in my nature. and it's OK. (for both of us)
I would definately, if you would like, to be your friend and shoulder to lean on.:bh:
Last edited by Lady Panda; 07-27-2012 at 10:41 AM.
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