Quote Originally Posted by RachelRoxx View Post
Its not not being in a relationship that makes me feel like crap, its meeting someone and them all of a sudden just disappearing. Makes me feel like im not good enough or not interesting enough or whatever. Its kind of why my self esteem is so low, all my life ive met girls who just lose interest or meet someone else or anything to go away and it makes me feel like im just not good enough. I feel stuck in a box. I constantly have dreams where everyone i know is going somewhere and i just cant get there and it mirrors real life. All my friends are moving ahead, great jobs, great wives or girlfriends and im just stuck here, cant find a job, cant find a girl. Everyday is the same, wake up look for work, get disappointed after a while, play guitar to calm down, play Battlefield, hit everyone up to see what theyre doing, everyone is busy. By the end of the night i cry myself to sleep because i spend all day everyday home and alone. Im tearing up just writing this and thinking about it. My confidence and motivation and completely shot and gone. Like i said i dont really like bars or clubs but im dying to go out dressed. Like dying for it but i have zero confidence, no friends, no money and my height scares the ever loving crap out of me. I know i know, "get out there and try" but its hard when you have nobody to go out with. I am not going out by myself, thats just depressing. I dunno, as you can see my mind is being pulled in every possible direction and my pessimistic attitude doesnt help. Its hard to be positive when nothing has ever once worked out for me, ever.
Rachel, read over what you've just written. Then think about where your priorities should be right now, based on what you've identified. Finding a girlfriend probably shouldn't be the first thing, not even the second thing on your prioty list. Nor should going out dressed. The first thing is to work on your self esteem and the second thing is to get some kind of employment. Get those two aspects of you life in order as best you can, then I would strongly encourage you to spend some time with a therapist...or if you can it might even be better to start with the therapist. You need to work on some personal issues before worrying about friendships, lovers or getting out dressed. Seriously, this is important!