Hi ReineD. Sorry I didn't reply immediately but I went away and had a think about this whole situation. And sorry for changing topic on this thread - I don't really want to discuss the WHYS of CD as I feel this is a question with no answer and a thousand answers. No point dwelling too much on this as I'll only turn myself inside out!Originally Posted by ReineD
Anyway, I wanted to ask you, and this is very much in topic with Leslie's situation ... how exactly does your husband pressure you to be involved in the CDing? I have a feeling that you and your husband have two completely different understandings of what "to be involved" means and I suspect this is the situation between Leslie and her wife as well. So if you would answer this, I think I may be able to help.
Back to DADT, the real problem I'm having is visualizing my otherwise masculine husband in women's attire as it makes my stomach turn despite my open mind, and my H pushing me to help him dress so we can then sit about chatting like friends. I also guess he wouldn't mind if intimate relations entered this equation as he is a CD motivated by both comfort and sex.
But what he doesn't seem to understand is I don't want to sit and chat with my husband like girlfriends. I have plenty of them already. What I don't have plenty of are husbands! The very idea that he thinks I would want to participate in such an activity causes me untold resentment. He also seems to think I would enjoy helping him transform into this alter ego, like I'm still some giggling teenage girl obsessing over make up and outfits. I'm a busy married career woman with two children and a mortgage. When I get three spare minutes in my day I can think of THREE HUNDRED other things I'd rather do than act like a teenage girl with my H.
And the sex thing? Yep, no point going there really. My H has this weird deluded theory that everyone loves femininity, even on men. He honestly can't imagine why I'm not turned on by boobs and lace and long hair and that if I'd just compromise and give this a try I might actually like it. I want to kill him during these conversations. He really has NO clue what it's like be a heterosexual woman. No clue.
So here we are, in some strange DADT situation where I'm actually quite content when I'm not involved with the CD as he's a great husband and father and before all this came to light five years ago, life was good. But DADT is apparently no longer working for him and with the way things are going, I can see our good life turning very, very sour. I don't want to compromise on who I am any further than I already am doing. Just being married to a man who dresses like a woman is beyond my personal and sexual comfort zone. Why can't he see I'm already compromising by just staying married to him? And why did he give his mother and father and brother the respect of not dressing around them when he lived at home (none of whom still have any clue my H is a CD) yet he can't give me this same respect?
Anyway, sorry this is so long. I'm sure there is more here that I've not mentioned or thought of, and I'm certain I've insulted everyone again, but I never imagined my life and marriage would turn in this direction and I'd give anything to have it turn back to the way it was.
And I fully intend on changing my name on here at some point, lol. Perhaps to FluffyBathMat? But right now DoorMat fits perfectly, as life sure is wiping its feet on me at the moment.
And sorry, one other thing: if everyone wouldn't mind referring to my H as a 'he' if they do respond to my endless questions, that would be very helpful. I know many of you prefer 'she', but I didn't marry a female and the very idea I would ever address my H as 'she' just pushes me further along the "I give up" line.
Thanks.
