I'm sorry you're going through this.
A marriage needs to be strong, to navigate the crossdressing successfully ... providing the husband tells the wife and she doesn't find out on her own. This spells disaster even in a good marriage.
If you do go to marital counseling, I'd focus on all your other, unresolved marital issues and also work on improving communication skills. And if the two of you get on the same page again, then you can begin to address the crossdressing.
