Do we have to be mean to Marla? She's one of us, and a very nice one of us, too. Whether she's asking for it not, she's got my sympathy. Now I wonder if I can help her out?Originally Posted by linda allen
Quitting dressing is not like quitting smoking or alcohol. Tobacco and alcohol are not a part of your intrinsic makeup. TGism is.
And Marla, I understand what you mean about "selfishness". I'm kind of in the reverse position from you. Up until recently my son was living downstairs from me, which meant he was free to walk into my place any time he wanted to, we had dinner together just about every day, etc. I wasn't out to him, and his presence was a serious hindrance to my dressing. I was considering coming out to him, and on certain days telling him, "Today is my day," and locking the door. Does that sound "selfish"? I love my son dearly, and I was glad to see him every day, but I need to be me. It's the bad thing about TGism. Sometimes it's hard to have both. And giving up dressing is giving up what you are--not like giving up cigarettes or booze.
In the end my son got a job and moved away. He was happy. He needed a job, and he didn't like this house or town. And it meant I was free to dress as much as I liked. So I'm happy in that respect. But he's gone now. Wouldn't it be great if I could be myself around him? TGism is a problem, isn't it?
Your problem is more difficult. I get the impression that your wife doesn't even want to be in the house with you when you're dressed. Does she even know you dress? One solution perhaps--if she can accept it--is for you to partition the house on days you want to dress. You stay in one part, she stays in another. That way she wouldn't have to see you. But that's awkward, and the layout of your house might not permit it.
Another option--depending on how much money you have. Find an apartment to rent somewhere. It wouldn't matter how small, it wouldn't matter how much of a dump it is. It could even be like mine. But it would be your space to dress when you want to. Or on occasion, find a cheap hotel room.
Unless you can reach some kind of understanding with her. It sounds to me like you're in a very tough spot because you're used to dressing often, and it's extremely important to you.
And you're not being selfish. You're being TG. When women can stop being women and men can stop being men, then we transpeople can reasonably be expected to stop being trans.
Best wishes, Annabelle
