...And you're not being selfish. You're being TG...
...and on this note I completely disagree. This was BY FAR one of the most selfish attempts at gaining sympathy that I have ever seen on this site, and I offered absolutely no advise because, quite frankly, none is deserved.
The crossdressing community is one that needs to stick together and continue to be there for each other for whatever one needs. We are always trying to improve the forum to better serve the crossdresser in all of us.