To Confusedandalone: I, too, am a married crossdesser who presents in an androgynous style. I don't wear dresses and wigs, but I usually carry a woman's bag, wear light makeup, oftentimes jewelry, unisex tops, underdress, etc. I feel that my style of dress is helping to expand men's fashion which has become locked in predictable and unattractive modes. Why shouldn't men be able to wear more colors and finer fabrics? And lots of men carry bags today! Maybe it offends you because you, too, have accepted the common expectations of what men should look like. Your spouse is trying to expand men's fashion, but you go around mewing about your wounded expectations. Get with the program! Be a companion instead of a drag. If you don't like his "purse," buy him another suitable for male or female modes. The manner of his presentation is something the two of you can still negotiate, but the fact of his interest is part of who he is. Don't lock him in the cell of rigid gender roles when he's trying to escape.
