Sandra, you have a wealth of advice here, that i could repeat, but I will just tell you my story, as it has parallels. When I first told my wife I was a crossdresser, she laughed, saw the look in my eyes, and cried. She cried for three weeks. We talked constantly. She read a lot. After three weeks, a very short time in my opinion, she recognized the strength in our marriage, and decided that she would try to make it better for both of us, and became participatory with me, shopping, makeup, wigs, etc. She encouraged me to dress at home with her around.
It took about 3 months before the emotional pull of seeing me dressed, and the long term uncertainty of where this might go got to be too much for her to process, and we are now in an intellectual support phase, but never seeing me dressed again.
So, just be there for her, and wait, wait, wait. it might hurt for awhile, but being honest and helping educate her, and just being there will help calm her. She may never "accept" but that is not the end of the world if she can support you in some small way. Don't be in a rush. I figure that in 10 years or so she might let me put on a granny gown and slippers around her.
Barbara
