I understand what you are saying and can only imagine what it must be like for a CD father to have a TS daughter. For me, since I don't .... yet .... see a gender identity issue in my future, I am me, a male who has certain interests and hobbies or other activities, one of which is dressing up as a woman whenever I want. Since the crossdressing is relatively new to this old soul, about 6+ years, I do spend a lot of time exploring, enjoying and focusing on it. I can flow relatively easy between gender presentations and at the same time between how others may identify me.

You said the one "must" chose what is important to our identity. I think that it may be true for some people but not all. I made a lot of decisions in my life that affected my identities. For example, I chose engineering as my major in college not to obtain an engineer identity, but rather to fulfill a desire to live and work around the world to experience different cultures. So, by making that decision to pursue a certain career, I earned the right to be identified by others, and myself sometimes, as a professional in the engineering and construction industry. Some people just go through life without making those types of decisions regarding identity. Now, when you get to transgendered individuals who are dealing with gender identity decisions, that is another matter and a not to common one at that.

"Gender is of such great importance to her identity that she must be fluid in her gender."

This sentence brings another question to mind. Why do you consider that your new daughter "must" be fluid in her gender? It would appear to me that because the physical does not match mental identity, she is being firm in her gender, definitely not fluid. It doesn't sound like she is flowing from one gender to another, when in fact she is hard wired in one gender identity, which was never outwardly identified nor recognized by others. She is not flowing but standing hard and form so as to be correctly identified. Some of us part timers are fluid as we move from male to female as we change garments.