The elephant in MY room is starting to make some noise

[Sara Jessica]

Perhaps she's remembering a discussion I had with my son when he inadvertently found out. I later said to him that it was probably going to take a lot of mental steel wool to erase the image of his dad in a dress from his mind. He replied that it would indeed take a copious amount, but that he was willing to out of love.

Kathi

Yeah, kind of sort of remembering that part of it. The main thing though is that we all have a different endgame when it comes to our goals. I simply want less subterfuge. I also want my kids to come to terms which who/what I am before they get into adulthood, at which time I have heard way too many tales of outright rejection of a trans parent.

Then again, should I even worry about that? We raise them to be tolerant and even yesterday my son was glued to the news when there was a "big" announcement about the boy scouts. When they said that the ban against gay leaders or members was to be lifted, he was like "is that all???" and went on to do his thing.

The thing about your story Kathi is that I think the mental image that can be concocted by a child of their dad in a dress is a lot different than seeing the real image in that for many of us, our female presentation can be much more advanced than what would be imagined otherwise. Either way though, no amount of mental steel wool will get rid of such an image, no matter what the source is.

So Kathi,How has it gone with your kids? I am Dad no matter how I am dressed and my 11 yr old daughter fully agrees!

Rogina, I admire where you are but any envy I might have starts and ends with the disclosure thing. If you daughter being around you dressed works for you, that is terrific. I presume you are full time, right?

Wow I am going through the same thing in my marriage. We have been married 20 years as well. I.m also at the point of not knowing what to do too. it seems unfair that if something gives us joy we have to hide or stop. There has to be a level playing field for both of us. Don't knoww what that is but there has a be a way for both to be happy. Yes there is a big elephant in our house.

A lot of it depends on whether this whole thing is something you do or something that is engrained in your being. I think the way our spouses react and cope differ depending on the species of trans that we might be, not to mention their own ideals that they grew up with. There are some things that simply cannot be overcome but regardless, as difficult as being trans might be for me, I have such empathy for my wife, and any spouse who has difficulty coping. This simply isn't part of what little girls dream of when they imagine marriage in their future.

It is really an unfortunate situation because we really aren't hurting anyone. It is not like being a drug addict, alcoholic, or a deadbeat. It is too bad that folks can't look at crossdressing and see it for what it really is. After all, women crossdress all of the time.

On a very superficial level you make a point. There are worse things that a woman can cope with than having a TG spouse. However, everything about who we are or what we do is still a societal outlier. But your overly simplistic POV betrays the fact that from what we can tell, you are not in a committed relationship so until you understand the dynamics of the giving & taking that comes with such territory, I believe you need to rethink your attitude.


And BTW, please don't anyone respond to "women crossdress all of the time" because for one thing we know that to be untrue but also, this thread is not the place for such discussion.