Wow! I started reading this thread awhile ago and came back to it. Yes, Freddie's threads can be loquacious. The posts can also cover a lot of ground, a lot of ground.

Freddie opines: "What do you think the problem is?"

The responses for the most part seem to border on generalizations, the collective group responses to an individual marital relationship. So, really, "What do you think the problem is?"

Well, I'm in one of those "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" marriages. How did we get there? My wife clearly cannot understand why I do what I do. That makes the two of us. She does not want to participate. Fine. I do not want her to participate.

The next logical question is Why did she not split, when my cross dressing developed passed what we had mutually engaged in, which was friendly sexual bedroom play? In MY situation, it was because she knew it was two faced to discard a husband, who accepted her for who is is and did not kick her to the curb for revealing the things she had once done. I will tell you, the issues in our marriage that have really affected our marriage weigh heavily in her court. I accepted her for who she is, which is more than her perceived faults. The vast majority of guys I know would have dropped her, not unlike the vast majority, if not 99%, of the women, who would have dropped their cross dressing man.

I will wrap it all into a nice little gift box with a pretty bow. When she realized I was a cross dresser, and, a very closeted cross dresser, she stated she wished she had NEVER disclosed her perceived faults, her societal transgressions, her issues, because IT WOULD HAVE MADE IT EASY FOR HER TO JUST WALK AWAY FROM OUR MARRIAGE! She was more concerned of the scorn society may heap upon me, and, therefore her, because I am a cross dresser.

So, in my unique situation, my private situation, I do not seek validation from her or anyone else for who I have become. I do not want to leave my closet. I do not want her to join me in exploring myself.

I will not answer the question for others. My wife does not like cross dressing because it is something a man should not do.