Have you considered you may be having an identity crisis and are experiencing gender dysphoria?
One of the things that places you at risk is your high intelligence.
Not the contrived intelligence that a person presents to the world but the innate intelligence a person is born with that varies from individual to individual.
This intelligence as ability when combined with gender dysphoria will cause great mood instability.
I would strongly suggest you consider therapy with consideration for possible gender dysphoria.
