Well, that's why I asked. Therapy is pretty much required for a transwoman who's intent on engaging the system to get surgery or HRT prescriptions. Many non-op or self-medicating transwomen forego that as unnecessary. But if a CD is happy with her life choices and there are no other family, relationship or self acceptance issues then why is this even an issue, irrespective of the general trend?Originally Posted by Ariamythe
I've gone to find myself. If I should return before I get back keep me here to wait for me so I don't go back out and miss myself when I return.
While I have not had professional counseling sessions, I did participate in a peer-to-peer counseling methodology for a number of years. It was where I began to consider the possibility that I was not heterosexual. One of the things that I found out, which others here may already know, is that if I could verbalize what I was thinking and feeling, I was well on the way to dealing with it. If I couldn't verbalize it, all I was doing was treading water (and just barely at that). Just being in a benign and non-judging environment does wonders for relieving the pressure and allowing one to actually think.
As long as your CDing is not causing a problem in your life, there is no need for therapy. There are many that do go to therapy because they become confused about their gender or their CDing is interfering with their life. It is all too easy to get lost in the "pink fog".
I have been going to VA therapists for about 7 years, and also Adult Children Anonymous 12 step group. I have suffered a lifetime of guilt and shame, just for existing. My worst nightmare came true, as i was forced to move 2000 miles, three years ago, to help my toxic father, and then my neonazi brother got out of prison, and came back here. Without dressiing issues, this is painful enough, having to deal with all my childhood toxic stuff all over again. Dressing, is another tough issue, altogether, but, it is connected with father/mother issues. And, religion issues, too. I find my therapist does not help much.
Totally agree with OP. Therapy is POINTLESS. Anyone see the story of the divorce therapist who split the couple up intentionally to get with the man? Yep. Trust me. As someone who has been through pre marriage, post marriage, and divorce counseling....it doesn't work. All it is is somebody telling you what you want to hear, for a price. If you really think you can hand someone fifty bucks an hour and expect the truth....you really needed help before you walked in. As far as education, that means nothing here. No amount of training can prepare a person for your situation.
"If you think you can or can't, you're right" -Henry Ford
Im 100% in support of your views on this one Stevie! I do not see it should be a 'requirement' for anyone and as for ..."because it's a requirement within the Harry Benjamin standards to transition" I wonder if we look back in time what others will see this as being perhaps a draconian system that was way off the mark. (jeeze did Harry get this one wrong, blood-letting and leaches, electro therapy and cocktails of drugs were abound not that long ago. I,m not against anyone who wants to see and see advice from a therapist, counsellor, shrink or ?? if they wish, but not as a requirement. I have been lucky enough to find a GP who understands that Im happy with who I am, and does not see the need for a referal or confirmation of this from a therapist.
That is plain wrong, and I'm sorry so many people have had bad therapists.
I was lucky and got an awesome one right from the start, but I guess some people don't realize that they don't need to continue seeing someone they're not compatible with.
Either way, a good therapist won't tell you what you want to hear.
No one should go in expecting to tell their story and get a "yep, your TS" diagnosis or anything else.
They are there to help you work through your problems, but that takes work on your end.
They are there to listen if you need to talk about something as private as gender issues.
How would my friends and family feel if I said:
"I get absolutely no joy out of living and I honestly wish I would simply pop out of existence. I hate myself with every fibre of my being."
What could they possibly do except feel absolutely terrified?
How could they possibly help?
You're expecting friends, family, or total strangers to take on a potentially enormous emotional load with no training or expertise.
It would be extremely selfish to do so.
It's not necessarily about seeing CDing as a bad thing and trying to fix yourself. For me it was finding a balance and working out issues with my wife, as she doesn't always want to communicate what's really on her mind. The therapist helped a LITTLE as far as the CD stuff, but where I found her most helpful was dealing with job related stress and marital issues that I assumed were CD related but actually weren't. It helps to actually have goals for what you want out of therapy- go into it with questions you need help answering but get a therapist who won't BS you. If they tell you what you want to hear, quit going.
If someone is totally comfortable with self, then therapy is not needed. If there are self doubts, self loathing, etc, I can see seeking some sort of self assurance. Even if one is confident with his self, but, there is discord within the marriage, then counseling may be beneficial. However, that does not mean counseling to "cure" the CD-er because his wife does not like it. It means working out a suitable arrangement, even if it a DADT resolution. The end result may well be counseling for the wife to recognize the needs of the husband. Since 50% of first marriages end in divorce, one should not assume counseling will result in the continuation of the marriage.
Alcoholism, drug addiction, spousal abuse are destructive behavior. Cross dressing is not destructive in itself. It's how the husband and wife view it that is destructive. My wife does not like it. And, I do not push it on her.
I go to counseling for war/combat related issues for which counseling has been beneficial. I went to couples counseling with her. However, she ascribed all marital difficulties or differences to my combat related issues, and, would not address her personal issues that were caused before I even met her. I decided, if she was not going recognize her own issues, I was not going to sit there are get beat up about it. The counselors were in total agreement. We each had our own counselors.
Each situation is unique.
Sorry Jessica, you are coming from a place where you are extrapolating your own experience into a false generality.
If you always do what you always did, you'll always get what you always got!
Hi Amanda, can you say more? I was mostly referring to my own experience. For me, it helped. My main concern is that someone who really needs to reach out for help might read the thread and decide not to, and end up hurting themselves or something.
I think amanda was referring to Jessica86, not you, hon.
FWIW, I talked to a therapist today. The emotions I'm feeling about CD are powerful and hard for me to understand. (Please see any of the whiny, needy threads I start for evidence.) The feelings I get from this are, frankly, BETTER than anything I ever got abusing substances. (Sorry mods - not trying to flout rules - this is the most honest way I can put this.) As a recovering person, that sets of red-alert alarms for me. So I'm talking to someone. I may ultimately look for a therapy group. But in the interim, I want to make sure I don't go off the rails.
I think not everyone experiences the same things, and has the same issues. (I have plenty of issues.) So I can imagine plenty of girls don't need this at all, and there are lots of therapists who likely don't have a clue how to deal with this. So YMMV.
For me my therapist is great.
I first wanted to see if I was that off?
I am OK.
I also want a to be able to just try to figure out .. should I(HRT)?
What are the probems? costs? times? good things?
If I started HRT ... should I go thru SRS?
Made me feel better ... so for me ... I am glad I am seeing Sharron (my therapist)
Therapy, whether with someone else or just learning about yourself on your own, can help you see why you do what you are doing. While that may sound simplistic, there are a whole lot of people here who have no idea of why they crossdress, why they might get sexually excited about doing it, might feel guilty about it, etc.. Not knowing why can lead to self destructive behavior, or even perhaps behavior that may hurt others, either physically or emotionally. But the problem lies in our upbringing; there's so much guilt and shame attached to men enjoying anything feminine that it can lead to potentially suicidal attempts, so for some, it may be worthwhile to seek out another person such as a professional psychologist to help guide you along as you learn more about yourself.
Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.
I was in fact referring to Jessica86.
If you always do what you always did, you'll always get what you always got!
I agree my wife has been making me go to a therapist to fix my( problem, addiction or what ever else she can think of that day.) Maybe it is her that should be seeking help for her problem with me! Other than this issue we have a great relationship. I will admit that I never told her about this side of me for years so I guess that's like lying and she hates that but otherwise I am not hurting anyone. Sara
You need to own up to the fact that you deceived her for years. I understand - believe you me I understand - that there are likely extenuating circumstances. (Massive shame, denial, social implications, lying to yourself, self defense - it's a long list.) However, at some level, you were dishonest about this. You need to apologize and mean it. I'm not saying you are bad, or you are wrong - but you need to own what you did. I'm sure she feels betrayed. And just because you feel you have a good excuse about why you didn't tell her doesn't make it OK. (Again, I'm not saying this is all on you - but own what you did.)
People get over deception from their partner. Not everyone can, and you need to realize that you have probably badly damaged her trust in you, among other things. It can take time to re-establish that.
From here on out, in my opinion, you need to be as honest as possible, unless she explicitly (or strongly implicitly) tells you - "look, do what you gotta do, but I want no part of this, don't tell me."
Hmm I think most things in moderation are cool. It's probably equally important to be honest with your S/O though.
The only issue for me is the one Bible passage in Deuteronomy. I'm very spiritual so, it's hard for me to get past that.
Girls wear guy clothes all the freaking time though and no one bats an eyelash. Double standards.
You are right...you don't understand. Often, people have problems that they can and often do,resolve through therapy. the fact that you don't understand another persons needs or the value of therapy doesn't matter.
I'm agnostic so it may not be too much of a help, but what about looking like it this way:
What if God gave you the gift of expression and he/she wants you to be happy?
22:5? I believe that is in reference to joining armies at that time.
I share your sentiments, because I ran afoul of therapists years ago. I had a speech defect, so those who thought that I had a "serious" problem sent me to speech therapists. They tried all sorts of therapy, but nothing worked. I did what they suggested, but it made no difference, in fact my “problem” only became more and more highlighted over time. What DID work with me were those rare moments when I was treated like everyone else. If they left me alone, I could deal with my deficiencies, find a way to get around the alleged problem, and carry on...
I came out of it, but I have this lifelong fear and loathing of therapists. They were trying to help, but I learned how to help myself. In my mind there is no problem with crossdressing, so therapy is not welcome – just like with my speech defect, if they would only treat me like everyone else, and dissipate the clouds of fear, we all may bask in the sunshine…
Mine main problem is I saw a therapist on two serrated occasions for two separate reasons and was mislabeled both times. Those idiots took what I said in confidence and twisted it around. When they weren't doing that they were agreeing with me to make me feel better. They are a bunch of crap. Now with that off my chest I do agree if I was to plan on transitioning I would then seek a therapist. That is a big issue and having a third party listen to you will help in making your final decision. I don't want my bad experiences spoil others that could use the help of one.
It's sad to be misdiagnosed, remember therapist are people also, so shop around until you find one that meets your standards.
Therapists are like any other health practitioner. If you have a problem you can't fix on your own you go to the "doctor". If you are comfortable with your life and your dressing and peoples reactions to it then you are correct you don't need therapy. Crossdressers don't need therapy simply for being crossdressers. Some seek therapy to deal with the stigmatization of a society they can't leave and can't change.
I go to therapy (mostly for depression but crossdressing comes up). I have a limited ability to control the world around me so I need to find a good way to respond to that world. I need help to figure out the best way to do that. Not because I am a crossdresser but because I am a person who cant figure it out on their own.
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