Practice, Jennifer. Practice, practice, practice. In time you'll be able to do it with your eyes closed. :D
Start attaching the hooks and latches when the items are not on you. After you can manipulate them easily, repeat the process, but with your eyes closed. And when you get good at that, you shouldn't have any issues when you put them on.
Reine
My family called my sister "Sissy" for a long time. I still call her "Sis". Of course, it means "sister", or "Sissy" means "little sister". So I've never thought of sissies as weak or helpless, but simply sister-like. Sis was never weak or helpless to speak of.Reine said: But, when a crossdresser willingly describes himself as a "sissy", he gives me the impression that he enjoys being weak and helpless. I wonder if this is how he sees women, and if he does, then he surely is not a feminist.
T-shirt says: "Hi, I Crossdress!"
Lela, have a look at this thread:
http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...-men-and-women
Most people, at least in this community where JamieMarion asked the question, consider "sissy" to be predominately a fetish term. It's like the term "gay". Most people take it to mean "homosexual", although I'm sure there are some people who take it as meaning strictly "happy". :p
Reine
Amanda M:
I didn't get past the intro page on crossdresserswives.com. I have issues when someone refers to crossdressing as a "condition". Like it's an illness. Ugh!
sliplover: I'm a GG, and I default to a cotton blend. Non-natural fabrics can create an odor if you sweat while you wear them, so I tend to wear cotton most of the time. I do have my own share of Satin though. I am sort of an addict when it comes to panties...blame that on being married to a CD!!! OK OK, so it's my fault too. We bond when we shop.
Last edited by Lorileah; 04-01-2013 at 02:59 PM. Reason: merged consecutive posts. try and merge posts with edit when you post so close together thanks
This was my first experience with online CDing forums and frankly did our relationship more harm than good. I began to really question and doubt myself for being as accepting as I was when I first found out. I had people on the site call me a freak for trying to understand. I didn't stay for very long, but it is definately a damaging site.Originally Posted by Amanda M
Sami... I agree with guiseppina.. she might no but she might not. If I saw those behaviors I would be curious. But if she is in denial she might be thinking, well he is just reall metro sexual. I don't think a letter is a bad way to go to tell you the truth. I wrote my SO a letter about how much I was struggling. A well written letter (maybe having someone look over it first if your comfortable) will let you get all your feelings out without her interjecting and interrupting the process. We tried to talk about the CDing 100 times and how it made me feel. But while talking about it he got defensive and it became unproductive. I wrote him a letter about how much I loved him and how much him hiding things from me was tearing me apart.
When I gave it to him I said. "This is to start a conversation." The letter is not the be all end all. That's important. I sat there while he read the letter. Afterwards there was like a half an hour of silence. And then we started to calmly talk about it.
As an SO who recentlyish found out. And didn't find out in the BEST way. I have some advice on what to do and what not to do. You can PM me anytime.
The best possible advice I have is to place yourself in a proper mindset in order to talk to your wife. You DO NOT want to try to control how she will feel, or what she will think, or how much she may or may not agree to this. Every GG, every relationship, and every CDer is different in the level of his need to dress. An explanation or attitude that might have worked well between one CD and wife, might not work in your situation.
SO you can ONLY trust in her love for you and then speak from your heart in great detail. Pretend that you are describing yourself to all of us here, and just talk to her about your journey with the CDing ... how and when you started, the times that you tried to stop, the bad feelings you've had about it over the years, how many times you've purged, your fear that you will lose your wife or that she will think you less than a man. Tell her about any shame you might have felt or still feel and tell her why you feel the shame. In short, be excruciatingly honest even if you feel embarrassed about it. This is not the time to be stoic or defensive. Let her see the very human side of the CDing in that you also have been a victim of an non-accepting world, and all the pain this has caused you over the years. Let your wife know that this is not an option, it's not fluff, you've tried to make it go away, you've struggled, it's not going away, and it's time to deal with it.
And then tell her that you cannot go behind her back anymore and ask her how the two of you can navigate this in a way that will minimize pain for your wife. Does she need to not see you? Does she need to have your female clothes out of sight? But then tell her again that you refuse to hide and even if she does not see you or your clothes, you do want to coordinate with her times and places when you will dress with her knowledge.
You might invite her to join here, and you might first prepare by having some informative resources ready to give her. Also be sure to reassure her. Tell her there is a lot to learn about this and it's not about what most people think. Do tell her that you are still very much her husband, you still love her to pieces, and this will never change.
Reine
Hello everyone. I love it that we can ask a GG things like some of the threads I've read here. But I had to join in yhe discussion on how to tell SO. I accidentally outed myself to my wife about 6 months ago. I was working on a letter, organizing my thoughts, and she found my notes on the computer. BIG Bummer. I had to purge to keep peace in the relationship, but she is slowly coming around, I think. She is old school Chriatian and think I am thumbing my nose at God. Any ideas from the GGs here on how to work with this situation?
Victoria
By the grace of God, I am what I am.
Sami and VAWyman since being found out and you purged... they THINK it went away or it was a phase
I think it is important they understand it is a part of you....it is not something that will go away....you are the same person they love and you only hid it because you were afraid of losing them. Best wishes on what you decide.
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May I ask a question? Isn't honesty just the best policy? 90 percent of the time I present as my real self, which is JEFF I am a lot happier now still single, but I was always SO ANGRAY Im 35 and have a long way to go still. I hope its ok to ask a question on replies to this thread. ? Thanks.
Di, thanks for the encouragement. It just so happens that my wife and I had a short talk tonight about this very thing. My wife admitted that she had been very angry since she first found out, and tho she loved me (and I love her dearly) she just didn't like me very much. I can live with that. She admitted that she was wrong to be so angry, but still could not, would not condone my crossdressing. Oh well, baby steps. We are making progress. I'm thinking of asking her to buy me some nail polish to see what she will do. Just a thought. Any other suggestions?
Victoria
By the grace of God, I am what I am.
Hi GG's, 2. questions please
All of you seem like reasonable ladies ,very down to earth and intelligent . I let my now ex wife know about me long before we married and before we had children together..For the first 10 years she didn't have any issues with my cding other than as long as she didn't have to be around or see it or the kids know whats the harm?
She never wanted to talk about cding even though she knew it made me happier to relieve the stress from the months of suppression's I went through to keep her happy..Now during my marriage I never went past the undies although I desired more that was enough to satisfy the the for ever nagging urge..
My family was always first and never did I indulge in selfish satisfactions ..But the last 15 years my wife had this habit of blaming everything that went bad in our marriage on my cding( which compared to today was nothing)..My question is ( sorry for the long intro most of you already know my story) Do you think that in time you may have your fill of your S.O.'s cding ? Just wake up one morning and say I can't handle this anymore.
There are many threads that hit the main forum about wives who just will not accept this behavior I can relate to those threads. But 90 percent of me feels that my marriage issues were not about my behavior I feel that my ex wife used that as a crutch..
Question number 2.. From reading a lot of these threads yourselves ..What did your S.O.'s do that may have been the difference from those who are un accepting that made you say ..Okay so he likes to wear female clothing big deal?
I do not!! Claim to be an expert on any topic, when I post a new thread or reply on any thread my imput is strickly that of a crossdresser. Not to offend Gay people , Transexuals or any other life style, I am only commenting on one of my own.
So number one: To tell you the truth this is one of my biggest worries. I worry that one day he will need something I cannot provide, or want to push a boundary I don't want to cross. But you cant live your life today due to something that maybe/possibly could or could not happen in the future. Communication is something that is key.
Number two: this one is hard for me because it started with dishonesty. He told me that it was basically a fetish. Being sexually open minded I was okay with the panties and whatever. But he then kept HIDING it. Even after I bought him stuff. He kept sneaking and being dishonest. It came to the point where we almost broke up... not because of CDing but because of his behavior that surrounded it. but NOW... He works really hard to make sure I know that I am loved. He makes sure my needs are met and I his. We talk all the time and we are honest. That's the only reason it is working now.
1) My SO and I have had very open communication about where the CDing is and how far he wants it to go. He is willing to progress along my comfort level and he respects my boundaries, with the understanding that I will continually reassess my boundaries/comfort level and make sure it is still accurate. This communication and attitude that we are a team even throughout this is why I don't think I will ever have my fill and wake up one morning and say I can't handle this anymore.
2) I don't think my SO did anything different than what other people have done. He told me, willing answered my questions and if he didn't know the answer he thought about it. Sometimes I really had to stress to him how important a question was before I really got a completely honest answer. If we are struggling to communicate about a CDing issue, I do sometimes have to remind myself that it must be difficult after years of hiding and keeping secrets to be completely open and honest. The main thing for me that has helped my acceptance is who he is. No matter what he's wearing he always strives to be thoughtful, kind and loving.
RuthM, maybe that's part of the problem I'm having with my wife rightnow. Am I being as thoughtful, loving, considerate as I should be towards her? I will have to think about that. Thanks for the input.
Victoria
By the grace of God, I am what I am.
Greenie, this is classic and it happened to me, but it was more about non-disclosure, or disclosure after the fact. To Lucy-Bella, the lying and hiding or even the minimizing, even if a SO is OK with the crossdressing is by far the largest sticking point for the majority of GGs; it tells us that the CDing is more important than we are. It's as if there is a greater loyalty to the crossdressing or the activities surrounding the crossdressing than there is to the wife/girlfriend, even if the minimizing or the non-disclosure is done under the guise of a person exercising his right to privacy. I cannot think of anything that warrants being private in a committed romantic relationship, not unless the relationship is arms length and not all that intimate.
I don't think it's a crutch. There is very little about the crossdressing, or rather the motives to crossdress, that most wives understand. And if you combine the lack of understanding with the observation that a husband loves to (or can't wait to) get into a type of femininity that is not the wife's, it is easy for a wife to feel hugely threatened by the crossdressing. Not that she feels that her own femininity is threatened (this is silly), but she feels that her husband's affectionate focus lies elsewhere than on the wife.
If you've ramped up considerably in recent years and your wife still feels as if you prefer to crossdress over being with her, then I can understand why she feels the way she does.
If I were you, I would run, not walk to the nearest self-help section of a bookstore and choose a book that you can work through with your wife in order to improve the all-around health of your marriage. Here are two good ones:
http://www.amazon.com/Getting-Love-Y.../dp/0805087001
http://www.amazon.com/Seven-Principl.../dp/0609805797
If you work through all the steps in these books, the crossdressing will be addressed along with all the other things that both you and your wife need to work through. It's a good first step before seeing a marital counselor. If fact, many counselors recommend going through these books.
Question #1 is difficult to answer, because many other things happen over time in a relationship that cause feelings between partners to change ... not lessen, necessarily, but move from the first phases of any relationship to subsequent, less exciting perhaps phases. There really is no more mystery in a marriage and if there are any issues that are not dealt with over time and lie dormant, slowly building resentments even if subconsciously, then it may seem as if a wife one day just wakes up and "is tired of it all". The root of this is her lack of understanding over your motive to crossdress. Most of the members here even do not understand why they crossdress.
Question #2: Nothing really. My SO was just able to communicate about him/herself and his/her past effectively, in more detail than just "I crossdress because I enjoy it or I need to". This was combined with the space that I was in when we met. My long-term marriage had ended, and my priorities were perhaps different than they were when I was younger. Have a look at post #212 in this thread for the kinds of things that are good to tell a wife.
Last edited by ReineD; 05-08-2013 at 07:45 AM.
Reine
Thank you all..
Reine, my Ex and I have been living apart for over 5 years.. Yes since I moved out the dressing did ramp up , the dressing while with her never changed it was nothing as I said ..
I do not!! Claim to be an expert on any topic, when I post a new thread or reply on any thread my imput is strickly that of a crossdresser. Not to offend Gay people , Transexuals or any other life style, I am only commenting on one of my own.
Oops, I guess I knew that but forgot. Sorry. Blame it on the mind becoming like a sieve after a certain stage of life. :p
Still, I would say the same thing to anyone who was still married.
Reine
What is the point of this thread when everyone is different? Asking two GGs a question can result in different answers, just as asking two CDs, two plumbers, or two anything for that matter. Like if you ask a gg if they like high heels they might like them or they might not, this thread gives the illusion that there is a uniform way people think which is not the case. This is not an attack, this is a serious question. I think that it is great to see supporting partners, family, friends, admirers etc in the community, but just this thread is something that has me confused on why it is needed when lots of GG's have conflicting opinions.
The point of this thread is not to get the single one correct answer, but to get a variety of answers, and to get answers from a GG point of view. It is natural that there would be a variety of viewpoints.
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Hi Ladies, it is great to be able to get your viewpoints, thank you! I recently told my wife about my CD'ing. She is very accepting and is working on her comfort level with my "hobby". I do not want to push it at her and she has been OK with me wearing panties to bed occasionally. I will never be out to the public (I feel) as I have spent 45 years in the closet. I am a big burley, hairy ex-rugby player on the outside who happens to have a softer feminine compassionate core, although I go by Ina, it is more of a pen-name than an alter ego for me. I know I would make for an ugly woman, but I really do love and revere femininity!
Sorry for the long winded prelude, so here is my question. Do your SO's spend allot of their free time dressed (at what-ever level of dress they enjoy? ie; undies at home?, fully dressed at home or dressed to the hilt with makeup, wigs etc and out and about). Is it occasional when they feel the need or is it a majority of the time? Did you ladies have a tough learning curve? coping with your SO's hidden passion?
Thanks for your time!
Ina Girdle
Just a run-of-the-mill underdressing CD
My SO began like you and also playing around in the bedroom with his ex partner. He had not evolved into a feminine persona yet. They eventually split up (nothing to do with the CDing) and a few years later when my SO was freer with his time and resources, he began to develop herself. Over the course of about 10 years while living alone and not having anyone setting down "rules", my SO was able to catch up her feminine side to his masculine side. It took a long time to have developed the skills, the confidence, and the appropriate wardrobe to go out in public (the mainstream and not just the fun TG clubs), but this is where she is at and I fully support her. My SO rarely dresses at home just to stay home now. But she goes out on average twice weekly to do errands, shop, eat out, bring a laptop to a Starbucks and do work, etc. She has gotten to know people who do not know her in male mode. All of this is balanced with a happy male life. My SO is greatly invested in his career and there is no wish to let his peers at work know that he is dual gender. My SO has reached the point of feeling the same person internally no matter how dressed, which is a gendered being that is not fully male nor is she fully female, since she has no wish or need to fully transition.
Hope this answers your question. I often wonder how far along my SO would have developed herself had he been married to a non-understanding wife.
In terms of appearance, my SO has mid-back hair that he keeps tied at the nape in guy mode (this is acceptable in his field), pierced ears (no earrings in guy mode), he keeps his body fully shaved, eyebrows trimmed in a way that is acceptable in both female and male mode, has had laser beard removal so there is no longer any dark shadow, and keeps his nails long and shaped. Few people who know him just as a male have said or maybe even have noticed anything. When dressed, she wears breast forms that are sold to women who've had mastectomies (they're more realistic than the forms sold to CDers), a waist cincher, and hip and butt pads. My SO does not keep his arm muscles well developed in male mode so she does not appear to have bulky male arms when dressed. My SO also has rather small hands and feet for a male, so she does blend in well when she is out in female mode.
Last edited by ReineD; 05-30-2013 at 03:54 PM.
Reine
My SO now spends alot ( most)of free time dressed. But our kids are grown and do not live nearby and we just are free to be.here is my question. Do your SO's spend allot of their free time dressed (at what-ever level of dress they enjoy? ie; undies at home?, fully dressed at home or dressed to the hilt with makeup, wigs etc and out and about). Is it occasional when they feel the need or is it a majority of the time? Did you ladies have a tough learning curve? coping with your SO's hidden passion?
Sher never does the panty thing it is the full thing or nothing for her. We do go out and about most weekends.
And as far as coping and learning curve....I never had that as we met here and it was Di and Sher before it was Di and guy side.
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I have been married 29 yrs I now know he has been using my things from time to time. But was oblivious prior. However,we have been adventurous all along he has known for most of our yrs that I am bi.
All this said now I will say what made it easier (it's hard regardless ) was our love. We have always seen to each other's fantasies and needs. There is a real need to be totally open with your s/o getting there is the challenge. I say take baby steps.
Start by shopping to buy HER some pretty things and make open conversation about fem garments.
Bring up the topic of cd when you are comfortable. Ease it out into the open. I truely hope you and yours stay happy *hugs*
To add to this. I point out that you are correct mostly . But it's not inaine to have more than one reply. Because they will be different. That gives you a better chance of getting an answer closer to suit what you are asking variety is good
Hehe cute! No I cannot. But I can put on jewelry that has the push and clip clasps. Zippers.long zippers I can scrunch it all they way up my back until I can reach OVER my shoulder and grasp the zipper tongue then use other hand to pull dress/blouse down thus drawing the tongue up the zip
Last edited by Sandra; 06-29-2013 at 02:58 PM. Reason: merged consecutive posts please use the edit function, mulitposting is not allowed
Do not judge someone by what they wear . There's a person inside there!
Hi, GGs -
If you have ever bought your CD SO anything feminine when (s)he wasn't with you, then I'd like to ask you two questions about the first time you did that.
What did you buy, and how did you feel? Excited, trepid? Joyful, nervous? Mischievous, resigned? I imagine that, for most, it would be a time of very mixed emotions, but I would appreciate hearing from some who gave been there.
Thanks very much. I am grateful that you are here.
-J
