Beware of Department Store "Rewards" Programs

[linda allen]

My SO knows about my crossdressing and she absolutely hates it. Sometimes I think she hates ME for it. At any rate, we just don't talk about it outside of arguments. When she is reminded of what she calls my "sickness," it is like a lit match to an open container of gasoline. ...............

Your problem is not with a department stor or a rewards program, your problem is with your relationship. If your SO hates your crossdressing and hates you for crossdressing, you have two choices:

1) Stop crossdressing.

2) End this relationship and find someone else to share your life with.

Life is too short to live it this way. Seriously.

[Rogina B]

There are other options as well...Triess group so she meets other spouses,or sessions with a qualified GC...

[Elle1946]

Do like my wife does me, just tell her how much money you saved

[Ameli]

I'm so sorry to hear this Jillian. That must feel awful.

Ameli

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Jillian, Been there and done that (guilty as charged your honor.)

[~Joanne~]

These kind of store programs, like rewards or registering for a giveaway, are not for your benefit, but to get your information so they can directly market to you, which is more effective than mass marketing.

Plus they also SELL this information to other companies to make even more money than you actually saved.

My SO has the reverse reaction, if I go to say Kmart she wants me to make sure I use her rewards program lol Points are points I guess lol

I am sorry to hear that things are a bit rough on your end Jill. I always thought your wife was a bit more supportive than she apparently is, especially with such harsh comments. I know that probably makes for some really tough times. I wish you well.

EDIT: Here is a very well written page of the pros and cons of these rewards programs. I will show this to my SO when she wakes lol

http://www.citynetmagazine.com/lifes...-programs.html

[Lynn Marie]

Sorry girl. You and I have been friends here for years now and I never even thought about your home situation. Always loved your bright smile and gorgeous look. You do deserve better at home. I wish you well.

[sometimes_miss]

So perhaps in this thread, we should list the companies who take our private information and share it with others. I purchased an appliance from Home Depot last week, and gave them not just my home phone, but my cell phone number (and virtually no one has that cell phone number which I have had for 12 years). Bingo, by the end of the week, I was getting advertisements on my cell phone. Home depot works fast, sold my number within days of the sale (online purchase friday, delivery tuesday, ads appeared the following friday, I've since changed my number).

Beware ANY company that wants your information.

[Sara Jessica]

Yours is truly a tough situation. I would have just enrolled in the rewards program on my cell phone and perhaps under my "Sara" email if for some reason email was required, leaving the household info out of the equation. What they choose to do with that info is really of little concern to me.

Targeted marketing based on purchase history though is unavoidable if you use a store card. I have to intercept these when they come in by snail mail from Macy's for their cosmetics department.

[DeidraDee63]

Hi Jillian, I am sorry for your home situation; but I should not talk my wife has no clue, mainly because I stopped for many years, but that's another story. Unless its holiday season I'll pay with cash. I do have a VS card and I am fine unless she picks up the mail then I will let her have the rewards or she will remind me to go buy her something, No Prob always glad to go shopping. I think I know the ladies at VS better then she does. If they press me for phone number just give my fax number easier then dealing with telemarketers! (lol). My wife often says How I have good taste, I just tell her if I would wear it you would probably like it.
However when she does get upset with me she will call me a "cranky old Bi**h", or will tell me to stop walking like a girl, I just thank her for the compliments. lol....Oh I do have a female waist/hip ratio, go figure..

[Stephanie47]

When my daughter was in college, she had access to my credit card account. Since then I've been getting 'free panty' coupons which my wife grabs. I maintain a gmail account for all the department store and website transactions. Also, we are one of the exceptions of life: no electronic media/social media/cell phones. I do have an issue with eBay always trying to alert you to great deals based on prior purchases and searches. Fortunately, my wife does eBay.

[AllieSF]

Your problem is not with a department stor or a rewards program, your problem is with your relationship. If your SO hates your crossdressing and hates you for crossdressing, you have two choices:

1) Stop crossdressing.

2) End this relationship and find someone else to share your life with.

Life is too short to live it this way. Seriously.

Linda, those are your options, not necessarily others' options. She has many options and she has selected one for her. Jillian may be complaining about the situation and to share an interesting experience that may help a lot of us avoid, but she definitely knows where she is at and has decided to live with it as she has successfully been doing for quite some time. Maybe one day her decision may change, but only she can do that.

Thanks for the tip on the phone numbers. I hate when they do that, but like you, "special" deals sometimes get me too!

[outhiking]

"...just a hug and no arguing. All of the things she said are true of course..." But I wonder how many CD'rs when confronted with these truths then insist that they are the man in the relationship and so thier SO must wear dresses and skirts, paint thier nails, etc. and can't be male wannabes. I'm guessing none of us have said that ;-)

[Eryn]

OTOH, my supportive wife loves it when I add points to her DSW account (unless I grab a $10 reward before she can!)

[Jenni Yumiko]

On the number front, I just say unlisted. Or if they tried selling me a credit card, I would ask why would I want to pay some ridiculous percentage rate when my Amex is nearly free and my other cards are all sub 15% I used to bitch them out, but my wife would get mad, so the unlisted works the best.

[RenneB]

Same here about the phone number. Just when they ask if they can have my number I say flat out 'NO'. Do you have our rewards card 'NO'. Would you like to hear about our rewards 'NO'. Would you like to donate a dollar to.. 'NO'. That's it. Just a nice polite no and go on to the next question. Chances are, I won't go to that store again anyways. I prefer to go to the ones that comment on what you buy and start up a girl to girl conversation... oh yea, I prefer to shop en fem... but I go either way.

On the relationship issue, well everyone's different. I'm sure my SO is going to drop the D word if I open up to her. Not worth the hassel. I get enough cr*p from her from just being me. You know, forgetful, unthoughtful, too clean, too picky, too... well that's another thread ... LOL...

Renne....

[MissTee]

Hate to hear you face that kind of reception about dressing, Jillian. That's got to be tough for you.

I'll admit I'm blessed. Wife said to me last night, "you only need to purchase one more item from Ulta before we reach level 6 rewards. Here's the latest sale." We spent the next 30 minutes shopping for Misty's train case items that we'll "share" when traveling.

[tifftg]

My polite answer whether drab or enfemme is no thank you I am in enough databases already. My experience they don't push it. Jillian like you my wife hates this part of me. It is always a desire not to push it into her face if I don't have to you.

[pennylee]

SEARS? made out good there due to poor attitude, $400 air comp. free

[julia ann]

I too got burned buy a rewards program. mine was a local drug store change, give the phone number and it logs your purchases for future coupons. What I did not know was that it would separate the purchases and apparently I had rang up a good total in the beauty club with make-up and moisturizer purchases . oop's

[Mollyanne]

It's a very sad situation when an SO calls what we do a "sickness". When one partner in a marriage "reminds" the other that only she can give birth or produce milk it's a crude reminder that we can't become the woman who lives inside us. It's hurtful !!!!!!

Molly

[Loni]

sad part is you do not even have to "join" a discount/loyalty program.
as loni only ordered one paper magazine. now each month i get three to four junk mail request to buy another mag. vacations, more discount programs, timeshares. cash loans, etc, etc, even auto insurance. (aaa, and progressive) now how did that work as she has NO DL.

all from just ONE (1) magazine subscription.

loni gets twenty to thirty junk mailings each week.

.

[christym]

Hi Jillian,

I, for one, eagerly anticipate seeing pix of your beautiful self wearing your recently purchased nylons!

Dress on,

Christy

[Krystalina]

"...just a hug and no arguing. All of the things she said are true of course..." But I wonder how many CD'rs when confronted with these truths then insist that they are the man in the relationship and so thier SO must wear dresses and skirts, paint thier nails, etc. and can't be male wannabes. I'm guessing none of us have said that ;-)

In all honesty, that would have been my response...which would have probably been the wrong thing, lol.

[linda allen]

Linda, those are your options, not necessarily others' options............

Of course they are my opinions. I can't really post other people's opinions, can I?

I have been married three times, the last for over thirty years. I stand by my statement that life is too short to live in a relationship full of hate and disrespect. If the OP wants to live that kind of life, fine, but in the end, she will be dead and will not have earned any medals for her troubles.