Paula, I think you're both being self-centered, and that's a good thing. This is important sh*t! It will affect the rest of your lives together or apart. It's healthy to mentally explore splitting up, to be angry at her, for her to be angry at you, for her to mentally explore splitting up...
"Churning" is a great word. Churn away! But don't do anything permanent until you both settle down. Eventually the question might return to "how are we going to handle this?".
